What to Do When Sh*t Happens

There comes a time when we all go through crap…in life, in business…and it’s often both at the same time. Because what’s impacting us personally is bound to impact us professionally too as small business owners.

When this happens, everything can feel pretty hopeless.

I’m hearing from a lot of people these days about some of the garbage going on in their lives, from divorce to illness to just a really difficult year in business so far. None of these challenges will go away on their own and they all take time to get through.

This week on the podcast I’m sharing some strategies of how to look at your challenges more objectively and what to do next to get through it.

Links and Resources:

• Get Stuff Done Challenge

Time Stamps:

[1:30] – What to do when stuff happens in life but you still need to get stuff done in business
[2:10] – There’s never a good time for shit to happen
[2:35] – It’s hard for big things to not impact biz
[4:00] – Know yourself and how you operate
[4:44] – Time to make decisions
[6:05] – What do you need to do right now?
[7:52] – It’s okay to say no to things in your business
[8:15] – There’s a big difference between best practice and must-do
[8:30] – How can you take care of yourself even when you can’t
[9:42] – Rest more than you think you need to
[11:47] – Letting go of your shoulds
[13:12] – It won’t always be like this
[13:52] – It’s not your fault
[15:01] – Give yourself time

Transcription

Amber Hawley 0:01
business owners are increasingly being pulled in so many directions, feeling like they aren’t reaching their full potential in business in life despite their type aways. With my background as a therapist, entrepreneur, and as a.com dropout with ADHD, I interview and coach high achieving business owners like you who want to stop struggling for success by using psychological systems, strategies, and the occasional care plantation. This is the easily distracted entrepreneur, your place to slay overwhelmed perfectionism and shiny object syndrome so that you can get done what matters most to you. Hello, hello. Today’s episode is for my fellow, I’m going through shit, but I want to get shit done people out there. So if you’re going through some stuff, and you still want to get stuff done, this one’s for you. And you’re in luck, because we are in the middle of our get shit done challenge that is happening all week. And you can still join and get caught up and join us live if you would like, we’re going to go through how to set up your schedule and your commitments to help you actually achieve the things you want to to get more information about the challenge head on over to Amber holly.com forward slash challenge. So now let’s get into what to do when shit is happening in your life. But you still feel all this pressure to run your business. This is something that is coming up more and more with people who are talking to me, either therapy clients or coaching clients, or frankly, even my friends. And sometimes myself to be honest, there’s just this is the thing life happens. I have gone through this so many times over my 11 years of running a business where I think like, oh, if I only got this one thing done first or if this didn’t happen, but the reality is life happens, things come up, and they’re never going to come up at a good time. There’s never a good time for shit to happen. And they will often throw us for a loop in varying degrees depending on what we’re dealing with. But it does happen. And so how do we take care of ourselves or focus or not feel like we’re gonna have a breakdown when this shit happens? Right now I’m hearing a lot of people talking about going through divorce, which is one of those things that often take a long time to reach that decision. And then the process of going through a divorce, let alone healing from it take a long time. This is something again, that we’re seeing more and more, especially after COVID, and all those different things that have been coming up for people. And it’s really hard to expect yourself to go through something like this and not have an impact your life and your business. also hearing from a lot of people who have been really sick, whether that’s COVID, or an autoimmune disorder, or cancer, or all the other myriad of ways in which people get sick, that just happen. It definitely is one of those things that again, how can you show up, expect yourself to show up the same way when you’re going through something like that. Or when somebody you love is chronically ill, or losing somebody if somebody has passed away, or your kids are struggling, or there’s a lot of family conflict going on. There are so many different ways and iterations that these big things can show up in our lives that we all go through as human beings, but they really impact our ability to show up in our businesses. It’s one of those things to where you kind of have to know yourself. Sometimes people like to stay busy and throw themselves into their work depending on what they’re dealing with, to kind of cope initially when they’re when something has come up. Sometimes people need to stop everything, they need to even stop work for a little bit. It really just depends on what we’re talking about, and how much it’s impacting you. It’s important to know that no one way is better than the other. It’s just kind of we do what we feel is best for us. And but we have to be aware though, that there is a limit to how much we can do, depending on whatever we’re struggling with is impacting our life.

Amber Hawley 4:43
So there are a couple of things that we need to decide. We can decide, do I share this with people? And if I do share it, what do I share? And that answer again really varies based on what you’re going through and your personality and culture. of who you’re talking about, you know, how much do you share with your team? When you’re struggling with things? And at which point do you share with your clients? Do you share with your audience? These are personal decisions that often people make. And they decide, no, I don’t want to share this, and maybe they share it months later. Or they realize I’m feeling bad about the way I’m showing up. And I want to talk to people, not as a way to, you know, take advantage of the situation, but to really let people who are close to them understand why they’re not showing up the way they used to be. There really is, again, no right or wrong in this decision, there’s no, this is the best way to handle it. It really has to do with what you feel is most comfortable for you. And sharing it with whom you feel is the most important people to be sharing that with. It’s also okay never to share any of this stuff. It’s really your choice. The other question you might ask yourself or need to decide is, do I need to scale back? You know, depending on what you’re going through, do you need to delay a launch? And that can feel really hard? It can feel like well, I can’t, there’s all these moving pieces, all of this thing is these things have happened and I need to do it now. But sometimes, we need to challenge ourselves to say okay, yeah, it’s not ideal, or yes, it will take some work. But in the grand scheme of things, it might be the best thing for me to do right now. Do we need to stop taking new clients, maybe, maybe just for a short time, or maybe for a little bit longer? Do we need to say no to all non work, or non necessary commitments, maybe you’re in a place where you have a lot of financial pressure, or showing up in your work is really important to you. So you decide to cut back on everything else. That’s often a good decision to make, even though it is hard telling people in our lives No, or stepping back from things we’ve committed to. Sometimes we need to do these things to model for ourselves and for all the people in our lives, that it’s okay to take that step back. It’s okay to cancel something. Everything is cancelable. Sometimes, we need to be willing to say no to stuff in our business, we need to say okay, I’m only going to fulfill on whatever I’ve already sold or committed to and take a step back from everything else. Again, I hear this all the time from people were like, Oh, well, if I have a YouTube show, or a podcast or I blog, you know, best practice is to do it every single week to have that consistency. I think we all know we need to have consistency. But the reality is we’re not talking about just not feeling like doing something we’re talking about going through big things in our life. And sometimes we just need to put a pause on things. There’s a difference between best practice and must do. And there are so very few must dues in the world. And yeah, it’s maybe not ideal. But frankly, it’s not going to collapse your business. Another question to ask yourself is how can you take care of yourself, even when it feels like you can’t, I hear this a lot like I need time off, but I can’t take time off,

Amber Hawley 8:43
I need a break. But I can’t take a break. I need help. But I don’t know who to ask or I don’t feel like anyone would step up. It’s hard. It’s really hard when you feel like you’re in that catch 22. But we really again, need to challenge ourselves and push ourselves and maybe get outside feedback from a good friend who can help us with suggestions or help us think outside the box. Maybe we need to talk to our therapist about that. But I would start with asking for help. How what are things that you’re doing in your everyday life that you could use some support and help with because when you’re going through something big, like we’re talking about, your energy is just a lot less, your bandwidth is a lot less. And so all those little things we do every single day that we’re responsible for all add up. So who can we ask for help in our lives. I also think we need to rest way more than we think we need. You know, I hear people say Oh, well, you know, I took it easy yesterday or, you know, I didn’t get anything done on Friday or whatever it is. And somehow that’s supposed to mean that now that it’s Monday they have to rally well Sometimes we might need a lot more rest than we think. Sometimes depending on what you’re going through, we have to cut way way back, thinking about a client I was working with who, you know, had something come up in her life. And she realized she needed to go from a place of working five days a week, to only working two days a week for a little bit. And that meant that she had to let go of all these other parts and things that she felt she was supposed to be doing in her business. To fit into that two days, it wasn’t like she was going to work 20 hours in those two days, it was legitimately cutting back while she’s going through what she’s going through. Sometimes we need to do that. What are things that you can outsource? Can you outsource meals, whether that’s, you know, asking a family member to cook, or somebody to drop something off, or doing DoorDash, whatever it is, so that you are not responsible for figuring it out, organizing, shopping, cooking, cleaning up all of that. And just remember, again, this can be temporary, but we need to sometimes do that for ourselves, can we let cleaning, take a backseat, I love a clean house more, you know, just just like the next person, probably more than a lot of people and it helps me feel less stressed. But there are times when we’re going through stuff where we have to just like let that go. Just not focus on all the other stuff that’s going on, and say, Okay, I’m going to let you know, my, maybe my standards dropped a little bit for a while or, again, outsource that, or ask other people in the house, if there are people in your house to step it up a bit. And letting go of our shoulds I think this one’s so hard. And shoulds can be so no nuance, there’s all these things that we feel we should be doing. And they’re all you know, they can be commitments, they can be feelings of how we’re supposed to be showing up as a parent, as a business owner, as a boss, as a partner, as a friend, all while we’re going through all this stuff. And we have to be willing to let that go and understand that this doesn’t define who we are, we’re just going through something. What it doesn’t mean, when you’re going through hardship is that you are not a good business owner, or that you’re a failure. I think this one comes up a lot for people that somehow them struggling or needing to take a step back or pause means that they’re just not good enough as a business owner, like somehow if they had more together, it wouldn’t impact them. And of course, having systems and having things and having things in place and having, you know, team members to kind of pick up the slack or to do the day to day, of course that helps. But even with all of that there are still going to be times it’s going to impact you. And that doesn’t mean anything about the quality of who you are how you show up in your business.

Amber Hawley 13:12
It’s also important to remember that it will not always be like this. That is one of those true truisms of life that when it’s good, enjoy it, because it won’t always stay that way. And when it’s bad, get through it because it won’t always stay that way. Things change, things shift. And often we have to go through these hard parts of, you know, the grieving process or a healing process, whatever it is that you’re going through, it will get better. And it’s important to remember that the last thing I want you to remember is that it’s not your faults, depending on what it is you’re going through. That may be easier to take in than other things. But this is one of those things I hear from people all the time, that maybe if they had done something different, this thing wouldn’t have happened to them or, you know, if they paid attention to X, Y or Z. It’s it’s hard. And of course, we want to make sense of why bad things happen or shitty things happen, but they do and that’s part of life, unfortunately. But to remember that that doesn’t mean it’s your faults. What it probably does mean though, is that operating as if nothing is happening probably won’t work. It will catch up with you somehow. So it’s better to just acknowledge it and make a plan that makes it easier on you. Even though that won’t change the hard things that you’re going through. It will give you some space and a little more ease in dealing with it. My last piece of advice is to give yourself more time to grieve and heal and get back to normal. Especially if this is an ongoing thing. I see this a lot where it’s like, okay, yes, last month was bad or the last two months were bad. But now, like I should be used to this, I should be able to move on, I don’t want to stay stuck. You know, some of this is fueled by that toxic positivity, but some of it is fueled by a genuine desire to move forward. And to appreciate the good things in life and to make a better life or business or outcome, whatever it is for yourself. This can be a really positive motivator, and an important step. But sometimes I see people rushing this feeling like, well, I should be over this by now. So it’s going back to those shoulds. Like, it should only take this much time. And the reality is that takes a long time. And the one thing that I seem to notice a lot is they that people will think, okay, now I should be over this when they’re still in the thick of it. You know, when you have somebody who’s chronically ill, or you’re chronically ill, and you’re still in the thick of dealing with it, and getting it back to a place where it feels manageable, or you’re going through a divorce, which I said takes a long time. You know, there are so many things that go on that. It’s not like they happened and they had an endpoint. And so sometimes that healing doesn’t really begin until we kind of get through it. So to remember that I wish for you an abundance of self compassion and support for whatever you’re currently going through. And I want you to remember that you’re not alone, and that it’s important for you to reach out for help. Whether that be your friends, your family, your therapist, a coach, pour most importantly from yourself.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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