Networking Ideas to Help You Through Those Awkward Situations

Amber Hawley [00:00:22]:
Welcome to season 4 of the My Biz Bestie Podcast. I'm Amber Hawley.

Melissa Hall [00:00:27]:
And I'm Melissa Hall.

Amber Hawley [00:00:28]:
And today is a bittersweet day for us because it is the final episode of season 4, which we're so excited to have made it through 4 seasons, but it'll be sad to not have you guys with us every week.

Melissa Hall [00:00:44]:
I know. And we actually really like the seasons because these two— next 2 months we'll take off will make us really miss it and want to jump back in hardcore. And it gives us a nice respite. But we do miss it.

Amber Hawley [00:01:00]:
Yeah, and like you're saying, I feel more re-energized. I need that little break. And I think for both of us, if you've been following this season, here and there we've mentioned that both of us have gone through a ton of transition. I've moved across the country and Melissa has moved several times. She is planes, trains, and automobiles is how it feels for you.

Melissa Hall [00:01:23]:
I know, everybody's like, what are you guys doing now? Even my dad was like, wait, what are you guys doing now? Are you in an apartment again? Okay, yeah.

Amber Hawley [00:01:30]:
You're like, "Actually, Dad, we now live on an airplane that never lands. We refuel midair." That's your last place you'll have to go.

Melissa Hall [00:01:41]:
I know, I know.

Amber Hawley [00:01:42]:
That's awesome. So yeah, it's been a lot of transition, which has, you know, causes some stress. And so I'm looking forward to the break. And I think by September, both of us will be super settled and it'll be fun. And actually, we already have some really amazing things planned for season 5. So I am really looking forward to that. But yes, today is our last one for season 4. And today we wanted to talk about networking because, well, that's the thing we love and that's our specialty, but we wanted to talk about how do you handle those awkward moments or situations when you're out there networking?

Melissa Hall [00:02:20]:
Yeah. Cause I think this is everybody's biggest fear about networking. And even us, we are introverts and there is still that, that little like twinge of being nervous.

Amber Hawley [00:02:33]:
You, you call this introverts?

Melissa Hall [00:02:36]:
Oh, I was like, she gave me this weird look and I was like, what? No, uh, sorry, extroverts. We are extroverts, but we are the.

Amber Hawley [00:02:44]:
Most— the ENFPs are the most introverted extroverts. So yes, you do fall on a spectrum, but I was like, what are you— I was like, what, you had a lobotomy since I last met you?

Melissa Hall [00:02:57]:
So yeah, so even being extroverts, there's still like that little twinge of like nervousness when you're meeting new people of, you know, just like, are you going to fit in? Or like, are you going to run out of things to say? Like, are you going to feel comfortable in the new situation? You know, so networking can feel awkward for everybody. And we are going to talk specifically today about how do you handle when those awkward moments come up, because they will. It's, it's just going to happen.

Amber Hawley [00:03:25]:
Absolutely. It's going to happen. And yes, because I definitely feel there are times where I'm like, I could just stay home and watch one of my shows and be comfy in my pajamas. That, and you know, that sounds super appealing, but it is important. I mean, we know, hopefully you understand the value of networking at this point if you're listening to our show, but I will say, like you're saying, that no matter what, you're going to have those moments. And having just moved across the country after we arrived here Saturday night, It was June 1st. And that Thursday, I was invited to go to a networking thing at 7:00 AM, which would be AM 4:00 Eastern, or I mean my time, which was crazy. But I was like, "Oh, I don't know. I'm getting acclimated." And I could have used the time as the excuse, and I fully intended to. But I do think I was like, "Oh, you know what though? I don't know anybody here, and I really do— I know that I'm going to feel good and I'm going to feel energized." and I'll feel more connected to the city I'm in if I go.

Melissa Hall [00:04:28]:
So mad props to you because I can almost guarantee I would have said no.

Amber Hawley [00:04:33]:
Well, and I honestly, it was my body because I woke up at 5:00 AM that day, 5:00 AM Eastern. So, and I just couldn't go back to sleep. So I laid there for an hour debating. I was like, so do I get up and shower and go to this networking thing? Or do I just lay here and, and hopefully just kind of like I wasn't going to fall back asleep, but just rest or something like that. So I did decide, the extrovert in me chose, I said, no, I definitely need to go. And I'm so glad I did. It was great.

Melissa Hall [00:05:03]:
I love it. Very exciting. But you still felt a little nervous.

Amber Hawley [00:05:08]:
Oh, absolutely. And so I got invited by my friends, Michael Dietrich-Chastain, who was on a few episodes ago because he just wrote that book Changes, which is awesome. But he invited me. And so he was the only person I knew. He's like the only person I know in town. So he invited me to go and he was giving a presentation. And part of me was also like, oh, I want to see my friend give a presentation. I've never seen him at work. You know, like a lot of times we see, we have these colleagues or people that we connect with, but we never actually get to see them doing their work. And so that was part of the pull for me is I wanted that. But that also meant that he was going to be busy. And so I knew that meant I was going into a group, a group of people who meet every single week at 7:00 AM and they all know each other really well. And I was going to be the new person. So I knew that there was going to be like not extreme comfortability.

Melissa Hall [00:06:04]:
Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's an important thing to remember is you're the person on the flip side. If you are someone who's involved in a group where you feel really comfortable, you go to the same conference every or it's this networking meeting or whatever, like you can really make such a big difference for people if you take the initiative to, to do the introduction, to introduce yourself, to go up and ask someone about themselves, to show them where to go, like how to fill out the little name tag thing or what it is that they, you know, can share that, that meeting, like prepare them for whatever's going to happen. You know, like that goes such a long way because it can be really uncomfortable. Especially when people know each other really well. And I know sometimes if you like hanging out with other people, then you're like, oh, well, this is my opportunity to hang out with people. Like, I don't want to spend the time going and meeting new people I may not even like. Like, I want to hang out with.

Amber Hawley [00:07:00]:
My friends, you know, like you're reading my mind.

Melissa Hall [00:07:06]:
But like, that could just— it can just do so much. And you never know what cool person is going to be there. Our very first biz bestie duo that we interviewed, Janine and Geraldine, that was how they met, was at one of these events. And I think it was— was it— I don't remember which one was which.

Amber Hawley [00:07:27]:
But one of them was new. Geraldine was new. Yeah.

Melissa Hall [00:07:30]:
And so Janine went up to Geraldine and was introducing herself and being that nice person, and then they ended up just like really clicking and hanging out at bars after that.

Amber Hawley [00:07:41]:
Absolutely. So I guess then tip number 1 is if you are familiar or if you know other people, be the person that reaches out to new people, especially like you're saying, when it's in those groups where it is like most of the time people do know each other and it's kind of a recurring event kind of thing, because it really does go a long, long way. And I know that I, you know, back home or back in California, when I would go to these regular events, when new people would be there, I would be try to be that person that was including them, or, you know, when we're all talking about something, making sure I come back around and kind of include them in some way because, you know, it's so easy to be like you're catching up and kvetching about something and then you realize like this other person's like, I have no idea what you're talking about right now. So to be that person that includes, I think that is a great tip to reduce awkwardness for everyone is be the initiator the includer.

Melissa Hall [00:08:37]:
Yeah, but when we were talking about this beforehand, we were each remembering multiple situations we've experienced where the person who's willing to be the includer is actually making it kind of awkward. And so you want to make sure that when you're including, you're doing it in a professional and friendly way.

Amber Hawley [00:08:59]:
Yes, be thoughtful. And this one is for you extroverts, and we can call you out because we're part of it. Although I think that hopefully you and I are smarter than this, but or more thoughtful than this. We have had this experience several times where it's like, and this is kind of one of our strategies, so I don't know if we should talk about the strategy first and then how people do it wrong.

Melissa Hall [00:09:21]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Amber Hawley [00:09:22]:
Okay. Let's do that. So one of the strategies for reducing awkwardness is let's say you're having a conversation. I don't care if it's at a conference or a local networking meetup or something like that. And you start talking to somebody and you realize like, oh, I don't want to talk to this person anymore. Either the conversation's run its course or you find them, you know, it's just not a good clicking situation or, you know, they just feel kind of off and you're like, okay, I just want, how do I extricate myself? And so one way to extricate yourself is to kind of have somebody else be included in the conversation and then you can kind of, you know, gently, you know, remove yourself from the situation.

Melissa Hall [00:10:06]:
Yes. Like you said, thoughtfully doing that. So doing that maybe with people who you think actually would connect or have something in common or could meet, meet one another's needs in some way, each have a podcast, like whatever it is, you know, find— don't just do it to be random and just be like, hey, here's so-and-so. Like, actually think about it so that you can then have a purpose for it and kind of move on.

Amber Hawley [00:10:34]:
Yes. Or like, I've had that. I'm thinking of a specific instance now where I was talking to somebody and they were very, they were a nice person, a little bit off, but nice. And I was like, yeah, I just, I'm not going to spend the whole night here because, you know, as I have said a million times on this podcast, life is short. We have a limited time. So it's the most precious commodity. And I thought, okay, how do I, I don't want to make this person feel rejected or alone, but I wanted to have that moment and somebody else I knew approached. And so So then I took a couple of minutes and kind of make sure that all 3 of us were talking. And then I excused myself to the restroom. Like, it doesn't have to be perfect. You know, this isn't like Emily Post's guide to networking. Like, you get to be a real person. We all have to pee.

Melissa Hall [00:11:23]:
Yes. And that's always a great one. But you can't use that, you know, 5 times in an hour, right? Because then it's— unless it's— if they're.

Amber Hawley [00:11:31]:
All different people, couldn't you though? So I actually have done that. You know, because one, I maybe did really have to pee, but when I'm talking to somebody and I'm like ready to move on again, not because maybe I did really like them, but I'm like ready to move on. And so, you know, I'll say like, oh, I'm going to go get a drink or I'm hungry or I have to pee or like, you know, restroom, whatever. It's not like I'm giving them the down low on everything. But I do think it's sometimes we make it so much harder. Like we feel like, oh my God, I'm stuck here and I just have to keep— no, you don't. You can just make it not a big deal, just go do whatever, but don't announce that that's what you're doing. So this goes back to the anti-tip, which is we had the experience of being in a group, we're all talking, somebody else comes by with someone else and says, hey, I want you to meet so-and-so. Okay, you guys all talk now, and then they walk away. You're like, what in the— it makes it so awkward. Extroverts.

Melissa Hall [00:12:30]:
Yeah. Because it's usually extroverts doing that type of thing, thinking that you're being funny or cute or whatever. But I think a lot of these networking tips, and I mean almost anything interacting with people, like it all boils down to do what you can to make people feel comfortable. Right. So like, don't, don't try to be something you're not because that usually makes you feel uncomfortable. And Don't try to like, don't make it awkward. And that just call— it's calling people out, you know, because you're like interrupting a conversation and then you're being like, here, here you go. And I've seen it. Yeah, we both seen this like more than once where it's basically like, here, you two people talk, bye.

Amber Hawley [00:13:12]:
And then there's a mandate to talk as if they must follow your orders. Yeah, I've done it where I've said, hey, this is so-and-so, they, they're super interested in you know, whatever XYZ the person is doing, and I thought you would be the perfect person for them to meet, you know. So that's kind of— I think that's the better way to do it. You're connecting them over a connection point or some, like, shared interest or shared something, as opposed to, hey, here you go, talk, because I'm moving on now. It's so rude on every level. So yeah, I think that's the nuance, right?

Melissa Hall [00:13:51]:
Yeah, yeah. Well, and that person, like, in that particular situation, um, didn't know us either, right? So it wasn't like a connection. It wasn't like a, hey, I think that you guys might really connect, so I wanted to connect you guys, talk, bye. It was like, hey, people I don't know, I'm introducing you to this other random person I don't know. Have fun, peace out. And you're like, what? And it— yeah, it just makes things odd. So Pay attention to that and like make people feel comfortable. And if you don't know people, don't try to make, don't try to make a connection out of nothing. Like, then you just do your exit and move on to your next person.

Amber Hawley [00:14:31]:
Exactly. So that is our first, that is the second tip of making it less awkward, but also the tip of please don't do that.

Melissa Hall [00:14:40]:
Please.

Amber Hawley [00:14:42]:
I don't know for anybody who ever watches Watch What Happens Live, which is a Bravo show with Andy Cohen. Like, he has a jackhole that every night he has like his— I just forgot what the name of the— he has like every, every night he shares like the person he thinks is great and then the person who he calls his jackhole of the day. And I was like, oh, that would be my jackhole of the day, the person who does that. If we were going to choose that, that was a long, rambly way of saying that.

Melissa Hall [00:15:09]:
Yes. I agree.

Amber Hawley [00:15:12]:
Jackhole of the day would be that person who dumps someone off on you and makes everyone feel awkward.

Melissa Hall [00:15:17]:
I mean, I think the next tip would be like, if you on the flip side are the new person showing up and, you know, unfortunately someone isn't doing that nice welcome, which, you know, most of the time, especially if you go to a smaller event, somebody is doing that. Like somebody's kind of designated to do that. And, you know, and take advantage of that. If somebody, you know, that someone's job is kind of to be the welcomer, and introduce people, like you can share a little bit and maybe say, oh yeah, I'd really love to meet people here who are in whatever industry, or, you know, like let them know that. But if you are the person who feels like you kind of have to take the initiative, I mean, I think for me, one of my favorite ways is like, as women, it's super easy to do the compliment thing and start talking about random stuff like somebody's shoes or somebody's purse, or their hair. Like, I'll do that because of the curly hair. Like, if I see somebody else who has curly hair, like, I can just bring up the curly hair conversation and ask, like, what gel they use and everything. And then it starts a conversation, you You know. know, I guess what I'm saying is it doesn't have to be really complicated. It can just be super simple.

Amber Hawley [00:16:23]:
Yes. And thinking about that, so that just happened because I went to this new networking thing and I was— I had no wingman. And there there was, was a point though, like at the end of the meeting where somebody, we had gone, people had gone around and talked about themselves and introduced themselves and stuff. And one person was a web designer and I was like, oh, I want to talk to them and, you know, just kind of talk to them about projects or whatever. And so I went up to them afterwards, but they were having a very in-depth conversation with someone else. And so I kind of stood close enough where they could tell I was there, but far enough back where it wasn't like, I was like hovering over them. I thought, oh, okay, I'll give it a few more minutes. And if not, I'll just do a quick little, hey, I just want to give you my card. I'd love to connect and talk about, you know, web design services or whatever. And so I was going to do that and I was kind of like holding back and it is awkward to kind of stand in that position where you're like, I'm like 2.5 feet away from you and pretending not to listen to your conversation and then whatever. But the nice thing was, luckily there was somebody else who was like to the left of me and then she approached me. And so I was like, oh, you know, so it just made it really nice. But I think it's like finding that time. And sometimes I've done that where you, it's not like you can hear their conversation per se, but you realize they're in an intense conversation and that's not the time to interrupt. And it wasn't that important. So I was like, ah, I'll just back off. And then I go and walk over somewhere else, you know, go refill my water or my coffee or whatever. And then just see if you connect and like lock eyes with anybody. So I think those are the tips too. It's like, I think it's just reading people, like be respectful of people's space, but also like make it be known that you are interested. Cause if you just kind of sit back on your chair or stay way, way back, nobody has any idea that you're looking to you talk, know, but if you kind of make that effort and, and yeah, start that small talk in small ways, right. It doesn't have to be, it can be like, oh my gosh, like I need more coffee. That kind of statement. You you just, just broke the ice for somebody to respond to you. And then that can be the start of a new conversation.

Melissa Hall [00:18:34]:
Yeah. And it's a good way to kind of test it out too, because you can chat for a little bit about something like that and then see kind of if you're there, like, not really connecting with this person, maybe you I'll, know, try talking to somebody else or maybe I'll move on. You know, and if somebody is making it really difficult, like, don't keep pushing it. Don't make you yourself, know, have to do it. The other big tip is to constantly just ask people about themselves. And most people will reciprocate and you'll be able to have a conversation. And then if they're not really like engaged, you can kind of end it and move on. But if they are, then, you know, then you've started a conversation, but it doesn't have to be difficult and you don't have to share your whole story.

Amber Hawley [00:19:19]:
We probably have mentioned this on another podcast episode, but when you said that, it made me think about the idea is also remember what's your intention. In networking. Like if your goal was, hey, I'm going to this networking event because I'm going to sell 3 cars, like whatever it is, you know, I'm going to sell 3 packages of whatever I sell. Then yeah, it's going to be pretty awkward because you have— that's one, a lot of pressure. And two, I just think it's going to make everyone feel awkward. But if your goal is just to go and start building relationships with people and meeting people and You have to be open, like even if somebody appears kind of like standoffish or whatnot, like you have no idea, like it could just, one, we could misread something or they could be really tired that day or whatever the thing is. But if you're going in, it's like, hey, I'm just wanting to connect with a few people and just kind of talk. And so I think knowing that, like not having so much pressure on it, like I don't need to build a lasting friendship day one. You know? And so that was the intention. I was like, oh yeah, I just want to talk to some people. And it was really good because then like it was one of those things. And I think it was over coffee because I clearly, I hover at the coffee machine because it was 7:00 AM.

Melissa Hall [00:20:37]:
It's so crazy.

Amber Hawley [00:20:39]:
I know it's so insane. 4:00 AM my time. But I keep saying, I finally have stopped saying that. So that means I have fully acclimated. Because I no longer— because we kept saying like, well, it's really 12 o'clock our time, or, oh, it's really 9 PM our time. We're done saying that now. Now we just refer to the time as the time that the clock tells us it is. But I went and so I had a, you know, I said something and then this guy responded and then he mentioned about being tired and he was saying something and then it turns out he had a 1-month-old. And at first he kind of said it in and was moving on. And then my brain was like, and I was like, what, what, 1 month old? Oh my gosh. Like, you must be exhausted. So then we connected over that. And then he started telling me, you know, about his life and different stories. So it's like that kind of thing. There was no pressure of like, I must build this epic relationship or sell something or meet my best friend or whatever. It's just like, I'm just going to talk to people. And then I met, you know, quite a few really lovely people and, I don't know, it was a really good experience, but it was a good reminder of like, yeah, there, I mean, there was a couple of very small, like awkward moments where I'm like, oh my God, I know nobody and it's really early. And what do I want to talk about? You know, but it, and luckily they were a really warm and welcoming group. So, but you know, I've had that too at conferences when I've gone to them. And I think it's the thing that applies. You just kind of have to look for friendly faces and try to connect in small ways. Yeah.

Melissa Hall [00:22:08]:
And that just might be the person who you're randomly sitting next to. You know, sometimes it's as easy as that. Like you just sit down and, and mention something to that person.

Amber Hawley [00:22:17]:
Absolutely.

Melissa Hall [00:22:18]:
Think about like, like you said, like, what's your purpose being at that event? And like, keep it simple. You know, hopefully your purpose is not to sell 3 of your programs or whatever, you know, money-making thing you need to have happen this week. But you do want to have a purpose so that when you talk to people, you You don't feel like you have to talk about any and everything. And if you do need to think up a quick response, like you can do that quickly. But one of the major faux pas of networking is to make a big ask right away when you meet someone. So when you're first meeting people, your goal should be getting to know them and asking about them and thinking about how you can help them. So we were just at another event. Well, actually we've had this happen quite a few times. It's interesting having a podcast, how people all of a sudden just randomly feel like they can ask to be on your podcast for no reason at all. Someone, you know, asked me like, oh, well, yeah, I want to be, I want to be on your podcast. And it's just kind of awkward because it's like, I don't even, I don't even know you. I don't know what you do. I don't know if you are interesting to talk to on a podcast. I don't know if you have a podcast yourself. Like, to just put this big ask out there. And for some reason, I've, I've noticed people doing that with the podcast more than with other types of things. So think about that, like, don't, don't do a big ask of somebody to be on their podcast, to collaborate with them, to have them refer people to you, even right away, you know, just get to know them and what their needs are and how you can help them.

Amber Hawley [00:23:55]:
Yes. I mean, that one, I was going to make a joke and say, I kind of feel like how Oprah must feel, like having a TV show. Please know that was sarcasm, but yes, people do that all the time and it is very awkward. So, I mean, we've come up with a couple of clever ways we feel to kind of diffuse that situation, but it is, yeah. I mean, I think that's something we've talked about so many times. It's like, Be of value, just be there to connect, be a real person. I mean, this is the thing, it's, I think we've gotten to this point in business and in the world really, where it's like people are so craving real relationships and connection. And so it's not about this flashy marketing. I mean, so for some people it still is, I guess, but for the most part, people build relationships and they do business with other people, I think, Seth Godin has said multiple times, people do business with people, not businesses. And so the goal is just to meet people and connect. And I think a lot of serendipitous stuff comes out of that and a lot of collaborations and referrals and all this amazing stuff can come out of that. But the intention should be to meet this person and see the value in them and connect with them. Now, does that mean you're going to connect with every single person? Absolutely not. And sometimes it's you because, know, you're in a particular mood that day or they are, or they're just somebody where your personality doesn't mesh. That's okay too. And I think that was one of our other tips that we kind of talked about in the last talk that we gave at a conference where I said, you know, it's okay to just like say, kind of extricate yourself, whether that's, you know, going to get food or a drink or coffee or whatever. It's okay to walk away because if somebody is like really boring, they're not going to stop being really boring. Is what I said. Not everybody loved that, of course, but that's okay. I'm okay with that too. But it's true, you know, like we have to give ourselves permission. Like, it's okay. Like the goal is to connect and build relationships, but not— it doesn't have to be with every single person.

Melissa Hall [00:26:08]:
Yeah. And you're— that's unrealistic to connect with every single person. Like it's not going to happen. So that's okay. Just It takes some of the pressure off too. You don't have to meet everyone at the event and you don't have to connect with everybody at the event either.

Amber Hawley [00:26:22]:
Yeah. Those would be bad ideas, by the way. But yeah, I don't think there's anybody out there that's so magnanimous that, you know, like every single person's like, yeah, I want to meet them and I enjoy talking to them and whatever. I don't know. Maybe we could come up with one. For some reason, Bill Clinton popped into my mind and I have no idea why, but still, we know that's not true. Only half the country voted for him. But yeah, I think, I think those are some of the other things is it's okay to, to say like, okay, this is awkward or just not working for me, or I'm not feeling it. And I can go ahead and I can move myself on. You know, it doesn't have— you don't have to be, you don't have to be a martyr. You don't have to sit there and be like, oh my God, I spent the whole night talking to this person about, you know, how they cultivate like snapfly dragons. I can't even think of a word, but you know, like you don't have to, you don't have to sit and listen about somebody's random hobby or whatever. You get to choose how you spend your time and how you manage that networking event.

Melissa Hall [00:27:20]:
Absolutely. So I think, I mean, a lot of this just boils down to being kind and friendly, being willing to put yourself out there, which has been a theme of the season in general, and having realistic expectations, you know, like be realistic with yourself. Don't think you're going to meet everybody and connect with everyone. And, and that's okay. And you just try it out and see what happens.

Amber Hawley [00:27:47]:
Boom, girl. Way to summarize. That was good.

Melissa Hall [00:27:51]:
That's right.

Amber Hawley [00:27:54]:
I love it.

Melissa Hall [00:27:56]:
So if you are still looking for some extra tips on networking, or if you want even more details, like beyond extricating yourself by saying you need to use the restroom, um, and if you want more like actual sentences you can try out, we have those for you. And it was a lot of fun actually putting that stuff together. We have a whole networking masterclass that you can check out at mybizbestie.com/networking. So we would love to share all of those tips with you and give you some help. And we have little worksheets and we do all kinds of stuff, people. Like we put together like a legit masterclass. And it was a lot of fun. So definitely go to mybizbestie.com/networking and check it out.