Mastering Your Love Language

Maelisa Hall [00:00:26]:
Welcome to season 5 of the My Biz Bestie Podcast. I'm Melissa Hall.

Amber [00:00:27]:
And I'm Amber Hawley.

Maelisa Hall [00:00:29]:
And today we're talking about another personality quiz, but this one, you know, we love our quizzes, but this one is all about the love languages, which I think most people have probably heard of. And you may even know what they are or what some of them are, but like me, maybe you have never actually taken the quiz and are not sure exactly like what they mean or how to use them. But one half of my biz bestie just happens to be a couples expert. So welcome to our episode where Amber Hawley is going to give us the lowdown on the 5 love languages.

Amber [00:01:09]:
I thought you were gonna say, welcome, Amber. I was like, thank you. Thank you for having me, Melissa. Yes. I, yeah, I think a lot of people have read the Love Languages book or heard about it, but actually Surprisingly, a lot of people still haven't, so I still feel there's probably enough of you out there. It is something I love using with my couples that I work with. It's a great starting point for connection. And so it started out for romantic relationships, but even the authors have written other books and they talk about love languages with your children, and then I've seen it applied to teams as well. And so I think I think it's valuable on many fronts. One, because part of our business support system is our significant other, our family, our partner, and also because when we have teams, it's about how do we create those connections and nurture those relationships in ways that are the most effective.

Maelisa Hall [00:02:10]:
Well, yeah, and I'm assuming like the love languages I have in a romantic relationship are going to pretty much be the love language I have with other people.

Amber [00:02:21]:
Yes, in general, that is true. So to give a quick overview, it's a great book. You can go out and read it. I actually did a podcast episode on it at— over at Couples Fix. So couplesfix.com, or actually, sorry, it's amberhawley.com, but whatever, either one will get you there.

Maelisa Hall [00:02:39]:
It'll forward, or in your, your podcast app you can search for Couples Fix.

Amber [00:02:45]:
Where you're listening to podcasts, then you can just subscribe, you know that. So I've done an episode about the romantic relationships, but basically it was this great book that was written. It's a nice, easy read. There is a free quiz online that the authors have put out there. I do like when people do the quiz for a couple of reasons that I'll get into, but essentially it's like, how do we feel loved as a person? And the author has put it into 5 categories. There's acts of service, quality time, physical touch, gifts, and words of appreciation. So I'll go into each of them a little bit. And I think sometimes intuitively you might be like, oh yeah, that, like, I know which one is mine. But I think the reason that the quiz can be helpful is it can also bring out nuances or Maybe there's things that you have one, but you've kind of shut it off for a certain reason, or because maybe you're with somebody who's not really good about that part, or, you know, things do change over time. So I think we'll get into that more as we do the episode.

Maelisa Hall [00:03:52]:
Yeah, yeah, we can, 'cause I took the quiz today for the first time.

Amber [00:03:57]:
Ooh, I can't wait to hear the results.

Maelisa Hall [00:03:58]:
One of those quizzes I'd never taken. And I would say, yeah, like the general, like, things that I got really low scores on and things that I got really high scores on, not shocking, but I was surprised by like a couple little things. So I was like, oh, okay, well, that makes sense, you know?

Amber [00:04:13]:
Right. And so typically we'll have one or two that we kind of gravitate towards. Sometimes we'll just be really aware of one and sometimes it's more extreme. I've had people where they had three that were pretty balanced. So, and the good news with that, I always say, is this means that you kind of interpret and receive and feel loved in many different ways. So it's kind of when you're talking to a partner, partnership, I'm like, oh, well, the good news is there's lots of opportunity, right? Because if there's one that's extreme, it just means you really have to be thoughtful about doing it that way. So the deal is we all go through the 5. So the first one is words of appreciation. That one is like having somebody say, you know, oh, dinner was great. Thank you so much. You know, thank you. You look beautiful today. I love you. Those kinds of things, just giving you the words, the affirmation of things, and just letting you know, giving you feedback and that positivity. And so that one, you know, they're all very common. So I'm not going to say it's more common, but I I do, do hear that one a lot from couples that I'm working with where like that, even just that little bit goes a long way, feeling appreciated. There's physical touch. And so I think that one's pretty obvious what that means, but what one person interprets as something that makes them feel loved can be very different than another person. So I think about this couple that I had where the woman's love language was physical touch and her husband, he was more like, he did it in a playful way, but like smacking her butt or it wasn't in the way that she would probably.

Maelisa Hall [00:05:51]:
Like not so much like affectionate caressing type of touch.

Amber [00:05:55]:
Yeah, 'cause that's what she was looking for. She was looking for the snuggling 'cause sometimes people people whose love language is physical touch, they might not— they may or may not be highly sexual people. So it doesn't necessarily just mean more sex, right? And so, and she definitely didn't like having her butt smacked. It just— she felt it was disrespectful. But that's an important thing to talk about. So, you know, they needed to have that conversation. And, you know, some people love holding hands, some people, they just don't like it. And, you know, some people love cuddling, but during certain times and They're like, "But I don't want to be touched once I'm sleeping," you know, that kind of thing. And that is why you have to communicate those kinds of things.

Maelisa Hall [00:06:36]:
So even if you do like each do the you test, know, quiz, share answers, it's also digging into what does that mean for you? What's an example maybe of when someone did that and made you feel great versus was there a time where actually they did something and it didn't make you feel great? So you can't just bypass communication through the quiz then.

Amber [00:06:56]:
Yeah, that's the bad news. You still have to talk to each other. Even if it's not words of affirmation, you still have to talk to each other. Is this a YouTube no-no that I'm going to put my hair up while we're in the middle of doing a talk?

Maelisa Hall [00:07:08]:
I don't know. I mean, I think we can do whatever we want, right?

Amber [00:07:11]:
I know. I just want to kick it. I just want to kick it old school. I'm going to just be cash. We're cash people. So yes, I— you definitely need to talk about it. That's why I like when people do the quiz. One, is it gives you ideas, because sometimes people are either so love-starved or they just know like the one way that they like something, and it gives them a range of opportunities. Because the other thing is, just because your partner likes one way doesn't mean that's the way you're wanting to express it, right? So physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service is another big one. Acts of service is like getting your partner's oil changed or picking up the dry cleaning or making dinner or putting the kids to bed and telling them, hey, you go, you know, you go relax, take a bath, watch Netflix, whatever. I'm going to put the kids to bed.

Maelisa Hall [00:08:07]:
You know, the first time I'd ever heard of this, I was in college and a girl who lived in my— we lived in a house in college. She looked out and her boyfriend was because I went to college where it snowed a freaking lot in Indiana. And her boyfriend was clearing off her car after it had snowed like 6 inches or something. And she was like, oh gosh, I just appreciate that so much. He knows that my love language is acts of service. And like for her, just the fact that he just like— he didn't— I don't even know if he came in and said anything. He just went over there, he cleared off her car and like that was it. And for her, like she felt so loved and Wow, I am blown away.

Amber [00:08:46]:
That she even knew what a love language was back then. That's amazing. Not that it was that long ago.

Maelisa Hall [00:08:51]:
Well, this was a Christian college, so everybody was all into marriage type stuff, you know.

Amber [00:08:56]:
Oh, but still, I'm so impressed. I'm so impressed.

Maelisa Hall [00:08:59]:
And they are still together.

Amber [00:09:01]:
Well, I mean, that's the thing. It spoke to her. Yeah, so that's acts of service. Then there's gifts. Gifts, which I think this one kind of gets a bad rap. People think like, "Oh, that's the superficial one," and it's not at all because it can be that if you're just the kind of person where somebody really puts a lot of thought into a gift, it makes you feel cared for and special and like, "Oh, hey, my partner really gets me." So it isn't— I hate when people just kind of go to like, "Oh, that's superficial," and people never want to admit that that's their love language in my office. Really? Yes. Because it's like, "Oh, I don't want her to that I'm a little bit of a think thinking, that's all I care about. And it's like, that has nothing— it has nothing to do with being a gold digger or superficial. It really is about saying, I want somebody to be thoughtful and I want— you have to pay attention to somebody to, I think, get them a gift that means something to them.

Maelisa Hall [00:09:58]:
So that's— yeah, and that's the impression I got was like, it's not even so much the gift, it's that the gift represents that you put thought into it. Right? Like, it's— so it could be that you made something or that you, like, searched all over the place to find something that's rare that, you know, they really want or whatever. Or it's like, you know, it's their favorite flower, but it seemed like it had more to do with what it represented.

Amber [00:10:23]:
Yeah. And but, you know, like, again, people hold these beliefs about things like, oh, I shouldn't— that's not what I should really be wanting. And it's like, but you, you are who you are. The last one is quality time. And so that one is that this person really, they feel loved when they feel like they're made a priority in their partner's life through spending time with them. And so, and again, that can be, it can really vary as far as like some people it's the quality time. So they would say like, oh, going to a movie with you. Yeah, I'm with you, but that doesn't feel like quality time because we don't actually talk. Whereas someone else actually feels that going to a movie is quality time together because it's a shared activity. So this, like going back to what you had said before, it really is about the need to communicate with one another to see like, does that fit for you? So the deal is we have these love languages and we can enjoy all of them on varying levels, right? It's not like typically I've never seen anyone get a zero unless they're pretending they don't like gifts. And just kidding, but the way that we feel loved, we naturally sometimes will also express our love in that way. And that may or may not be our partner's way of feeling loved. And so I have seen this mismatch many a time where I had somebody where like the clients, the guy kept buying really expensive lavish gifts for his wife and her love language was quality time. And so she never really felt like a priority. She never felt important. Important. She never felt really loved. She would say, intellectually, I know he loves me. I get that, but I don't feel loved. And I think that's a very different thing. And the kicker was she was very clear about it and telling— she kept we would talk about it in therapy and he still kept doing it. And she would say, if I want a gift, I'll buy it for myself. What I want is I want you to spend time with me. And so that's the important thing. I always tell people, I think it's important to appreciate both the way our partner naturally expresses love, but it's really important for our partner to put in the effort to try to do it in a way that's our natural way of feeling it, because there's always kind of that missing piece if you don't do that.

Maelisa Hall [00:12:41]:
Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I was kind of wondering. Like, it seems like whatever you like scores you get, that is how you would express yourself. I mean, I'm assuming that that's not typically different, that you would like express your love one way but feel loved another.

Amber [00:12:59]:
Yeah, and I think sometimes people are very in tune with their partner or intuitive and they under— they can like, they interpret that. But I think naturally, like if you're somebody who likes acts of service, you typically are somebody who's doing that kind of stuff for somebody. You know, I've had this too where, you know, somebody kept saying like, oh, you don't do anything for me, you don't care about me. And their partner listed off a whole bunch of things that were acts of service. And so it was really important for that partner to understand like, oh wait, they are showing me they love me. It's not that they don't care at all. They're putting in actually a lot of effort, but it wasn't in a way that they were interpreting it as love, right? So that partner was up to them. It was important Again, to recognize it, 'cause I think, I mean, I think that goes back to basic appreciation, right? But you can't expect them to do it exactly how you do it, just because like it's your way, so this is the one way we need to be doing this thing, so.

Maelisa Hall [00:14:02]:
Yeah, yeah, so it almost seems like it's more important for your partner to take the quiz than it is for you. Like, you know, I mean, obviously you have to have reciprocal You know, yeah.

Amber [00:14:14]:
It has to be both. The whole point is reciprocity. Reciprocity. Yeah.

Maelisa Hall [00:14:19]:
But it's like when, when you take it, that just kind of helps you identify like, okay, now I can kind of think about like what that looks like for me, how to tell my partner like what's meaningful for me. But really, in order for you to show love, you know, I think you just have to have— you have to know from them. Although I think you probably know what your partner— or have an idea of what their love language is. Do you think most couples have a pretty good idea?

Amber [00:14:48]:
Well, I don't know that everybody knows to even think about it in these terms. And again, yes, if you're somebody who's just really emotionally— has a high level of emotional intelligence and are attuned, you may pick up on it. But I think the clarification is really important because there can be ones— there have been times where people have gotten their results back because they obviously share them with me in session and And they were shocked, like, "Oh, I didn't realize physical touch was any of my love languages," because, you know, they'd had so much disconnection and other stuff going on that that part wasn't even— that wasn't even in play. Like, they were just like, "Oh, yeah.".

Maelisa Hall [00:15:29]:
If you have like roommate syndrome or really young kids or whatever, yeah, then exactly, you just may have less of that.

Amber [00:15:35]:
And that's where, yeah, when I've talked about roommate syndrome, you know, if you're— if If physical touch is your love language, it's not realistic again to just say like, okay, we'll just start having sex every night, because that's probably not going to happen. You're disconnected. But you can start in those small ways of, you know, like brushing, you know, touching each other when you're talking, or, you know, putting your hand on your partner's back when you pass by them, or, you know, so small ways of creating connection and feeling love. And that stuff all adds up. I do think taking the test too, it allows you to have a conversation and kind of articulate it a little bit better, because I think sometimes people feel, you know, very upset about things and they're not quite sure why. Like, why am I feeling so irritated by this? And then if they start really thinking about the situation, they can be like, oh, I get it. Quality time is one of my love languages. And what was happening is I was getting the message that my partner didn't want to spend time with me. That may or may not be the actual what was being said, but that's how it was interpreted. The underlying meta-message was, you know, you need to fit into my time because I'm not going to put any effort in, is kind of like what was being communicated. And their partner wasn't thinking of like, am I trying to make my partner feel loved? You know, it wasn't that. It was just That's how it ended up being interpreted. Then you can come back to your partner calmly and have that conversation.

Maelisa Hall [00:17:07]:
Yeah, I could see how like understanding this would help so much. I think much in the way that the Myers-Briggs does in a lot of ways where you realize like, oh, things that I think in yourself recognizing like, why was this thing so hurtful when maybe my partner doesn't even see it as a big deal, right? And then you might be thinking like, am I crazy? Or you might be thinking like, what's wrong with them that they don't understand why this is such a big deal, right? And I think this would explain why. But then also, I could see this being the source of a lot of frustration in relationships where you're just like not feeling like you have chemistry or whatever, but like you're not connecting or like, why are they always doing this? And I think, I mean, this quiz was super, super easy to take. A couple of the questions were annoying because they make you choose between, you know, it's like A or B and you have to pick one. And I'm like, but it's both, but neither.

Amber [00:18:03]:
Yeah.

Maelisa Hall [00:18:04]:
But it's very easy to take. So I mean, as far as like your ROI on this, I feel like is huge because it really takes like less than like 10 minutes tops.

Amber [00:18:14]:
Yeah, it takes about 10 minutes and it emails you the results. So I always tell people, like I always have them email. Well, that one I don't always make them email me. I let them tell me, but email your partner your results. One, so that they have it there because let's face it, we're busy. We forget sometimes. That doesn't mean you're a terrible person or partner. It just means life's busy. So I think it can be, and it's a good place for them to go back and be like, oh, and then have that conversation. Yeah. And I think it's one of those things where like, if you're really disconnected and you're in a place where, you know, because of ebbs and flows or schedules or life, and you know, you like your partner's love language is words of appreciation, probably not a good time to give them feedback that you didn't like the meal.

Maelisa Hall [00:19:00]:
Right, right. That was the impression I got from taking the quiz too, is like it works the opposite too. Like when you don't do that or when you do something that would be the opposite, like criticizing versus words of affirmation, it is— that's like the biggest pain point for yourself.

Amber [00:19:15]:
Yes, exactly. Like they might be— and I think when you're really, when you're very connected and like this is going along in a really things are trucking along, you can give that feedback and they can take it and it will be no big deal. But you get them in a low point or a tender spot or a time where you're feeling disconnected, it might be a little more raw, right? So, I mean, it's a generalization, but I think from what I've seen working with couples, it's like, yeah, timing matters. It really does. So, okay, first I'm curious, what were yours?

Maelisa Hall [00:19:49]:
So my top one was words of affirmation, which I was not surprised by. And then the next two were basically a tie between— so they were all really high— words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time.

Amber [00:20:06]:
I knew it. Yeah, I should have wrote them. I should have written them down and then held them up. Right.

Maelisa Hall [00:20:11]:
Like we want to do with the Myers-Briggs. And I think there was one where it was like words of affirmation or physical touch was the question. And I was like, But it's both because to me it's like, oh, like, if he said that to me, then I would want to— I would like naturally just go towards like embracing him, you know. So it was funny because I— so I kind of recognized how that— how they played together for me. And then I got a 1 for gifts.

Amber [00:20:38]:
Not shocked.

Maelisa Hall [00:20:39]:
And yeah, I just really don't care. And then a 2 for— what's the other one? Acts of service. Yeah.

Amber [00:20:45]:
Interesting. Yeah.

Maelisa Hall [00:20:47]:
Yeah. Which I realize I'm— pretty darn sure that's my husband's top one. He hasn't taken it. So it is kind of also like, it did kind of reality check for me a little bit. Like, I need to make some of those things a little bit more of a priority because of that, you know.

Amber [00:21:03]:
Oh, you think it's his top love language?

Maelisa Hall [00:21:05]:
Yes.

Amber [00:21:06]:
Okay. Okay.

Maelisa Hall [00:21:06]:
Yeah, I knew it wasn't mine.

Amber [00:21:07]:
No, you don't have to change yourself.

Maelisa Hall [00:21:09]:
Like, you could just— I knew it wasn't mine. Yeah.

Amber [00:21:12]:
Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm actually surprised it's that low.

Maelisa Hall [00:21:16]:
Though.

Amber [00:21:16]:
That's a little shocking.

Maelisa Hall [00:21:17]:
Yeah, really. Um, I obviously don't need security.

Amber [00:21:23]:
I love it. You need physical and emotional security though. That's what those others are talking about. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And so you're basically a cat.

Maelisa Hall [00:21:36]:
Yeah, I like that.

Amber [00:21:39]:
Uh, it's true. They're always like, touch me, pet me, love me. I totally see that.

Maelisa Hall [00:21:48]:
Yeah, yep.

Amber [00:21:49]:
Yeah, no, and that's the thing, it is really good to rec— that's why it can be helpful, right? And I hopefully Carlos will take it and you can find out for sure, but I think it can be helpful, like, oh yeah, if that's his top one, to be thoughtful about that. And then again, it has to be in ways that actually, that they're taking it in as love, right? I think it's changed for my husband. Like acts of service is up there, words of appreciation is up there for him as well, and physical touch. But I used to be the kind of person where, well, I guess I still am, but probably just more busy. But I loved, like, I love cooking. And so I loved like planning and doing meals and making meals and then actually like serving, but not in like a servant kind of way, but I just love putting it all together. It was like the whole event. Right. And I remember when we first started dating, my husband was super uncomfortable with that. You know, I'd be like, oh, do you need something when I'm, when I get up? Like, do you need something to drink? And he would be like, no, I'm good. Cause he'd just want to get it himself. Cause I think he felt like, but I don't, I think he actually liked appreciated it, but it felt like he was afraid of being a burden or something like that. He's much more comfortable with it now. Cause it's been 22 years. I've worn him down. But it would also kind of conversely be irritating when like he would never get up and offer to get me something. So, right, right. But you can't be mad at him for that. Like, I couldn't be like, well, I do it for you because that is the basis of martyrdom, my people. Like, you just got to understand, right? You just got to communicate it. But yeah, it's just not his— I still would say it's probably not his highest comfort zone. But he does appreciate when people do things for him. So that's where it's one of those nuanced things too, like acts of service, definitely a love language of his, but that kind of stuff is probably not the part he's talking about. I I know, know personally, like if you cook him a meal, you don't have to serve it. If you cook him a meal or you clean something, like he's very, very happy.

Maelisa Hall [00:23:56]:
That's good enough, huh?

Amber [00:23:58]:
Yeah. Oh, that, everything. That and paying the taxes. Like, if you do those things— that's.

Maelisa Hall [00:24:06]:
Not my strong suit— then he just feels loved.

Amber [00:24:08]:
He feels very loved. So, but yes, it can be really good. So how does this translate to your teams, you ask? So this is where it really doesn't matter if your team knows your love language, because it's not about you.

Maelisa Hall [00:24:22]:
Right, right. Unless maybe I could see like if one of the, you know how like people will say like, oh, I'm a hugger.

Amber [00:24:29]:
Yes, yes.

Maelisa Hall [00:24:30]:
Right. Like I could see maybe if you have some like little explanation about why you do certain things or, you know, maybe especially if you're like a really expressive type person, I could see doing that just, just so that you let people know like, hey, this is just, this is just what I do with everybody. Like, let me know if it's uncomfortable or however you do that. But I'm kind of, yeah, I kind.

Amber [00:24:51]:
Of take my words back a little bit. Yeah, I'll slightly take them back because you're right. Now that I think about our interview with Denise Duffield-Thomas, if there's something that puts you off or makes you super uncomfortable, I think that's important to communicate. And I think for her, like she talked about words of appreciation, just don't do anything for her and it makes her somewhat uncomfortable. So that I do think is important. And it is, I'm not saying it, but more important, I do think understanding what, what makes your staff feel appreciated or the people that you work with.

Maelisa Hall [00:25:23]:
Yeah. And would you even say to go so far as like to ask them? I mean, maybe not have them take the quiz. That might be a little weird, but like, but maybe like, yeah.

Amber [00:25:34]:
Right. But yeah, I think there are probably ways that you can kind of get to that and kind of ask. I'm trying to remember what's in my, my new hire survey right now. Cause we have like a little, when somebody starts a little Jotform survey that they fill out with like things that they like. Yeah, I think I would probably though ask. I feel like I, I've gotten that with the longer people have been with me and just kind of getting to know them. Like you kind of intuitively pick up on that, but it might be a nice thing to know. I guess being that I'm a therapist, like we we were, were talking about this the other day. We were talking about sexual harassment. I have to do a training on it because, you know, as an employer in California, and then I was like, but we talk about sex all the time because we're therapists. So it's like this really weird caveat. So probably I'm not the best, you know, like I think it would be okay for me to say, hey, why don't you guys go ahead and do this? I do feel like intuitively I see where people really light up or they feel, you can tell that that's working, that that makes them feel very appreciated. But in lieu of that, I guess we'll have to see if they have a business version. That would be really great.

Maelisa Hall [00:26:40]:
I know, or you might just have.

Amber [00:26:42]:
To Create it myself.

Maelisa Hall [00:26:44]:
Yeah, do it yourself, man.

Amber [00:26:45]:
Yeah. But yeah, because I do feel like I'm an emotionally attuned person because that is what I do for a living. So I feel like I do get that because there are some people where I know like words of appreciation is theirs. There are some people, they do not like that in front of others though. That makes them very uncomfortable.

Maelisa Hall [00:27:04]:
Right, right. Like I can definitely think of that and I even had this like early on, you know, to kind of use a romantic relationship as an example. But like early on, you know, my husband says something about like he doesn't like PDA, you know, like public displays of affection, you know. And so I don't think it's actually— I don't know where physical touch would be on his like scale. I think it probably would be higher. But yeah, to be in public is.

Amber [00:27:30]:
Like, no, like that's a totally different thing. That's kind of like the smacking your butt thing.

Maelisa Hall [00:27:35]:
Right, right.

Amber [00:27:36]:
Yeah, you could still have physical touch be very high for him, but not, not appreciate that in public, right? Like, that's— and there are people where if you said something nice to them or gave them appreciation for something and you said it in front of others, it would 10x the appreciation level. Like, there are some people where it just feels really good to be acknowledged in public, and that again doesn't make you like an inauthentic person or somebody who needs the limelight. Like, I think we put so much negative connotation on things and it just is really shaming to people and kind of can't stand it. But it really is just about, it really is just about like, that's what makes them feel really special and they want others to know that they're loved. I can remember, I feel like I was probably like 16 or 17 And I had this conversation and I think it was with a friend. He was a really good friend, but he and I said, oh, if you send me flowers, it's great. But if you sent me flowers to my work, it's 100% better. that's, Like I feel like I had that same conversation with Mark as well. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm pretty sure.

Maelisa Hall [00:28:46]:
Um, yeah.

Amber [00:28:47]:
So I think that one was always that way. Now for me, if he brought me flowers, that's all I care about. I, It doesn't have to be at work. It doesn't— well, one, that's not appropriate. But so for me, it's no longer that way. But at the time, that just made me feel like very special. And so having to share that with others, you know, totally.

Maelisa Hall [00:29:08]:
Yeah, I could see that. And it's one— I, I do think about that question that Shelley Warren had said to ask people when she was a manager. She would always say like, what looks like help to you today? And, you know, I think even, even approaching it in a way like that is kind of just asking people, and based on, I think, how they need support, they will tell you different things, right?

Amber [00:29:35]:
Yeah. And so, yeah, I mean, I think direct is always better, but sometimes, like, again, depending on your industry or your— it can be awkward. And I do think people tell you that stuff though. Like, I think about one of my therapists, Nick, where like I went and I brought in all a bunch of new snacks and stuff. And he's like, I'm telling you, like the best way to feel appreciated, snacks just make everything better. Like snacks are just the way to you be, know? And so it's, people do share that information. I think you have to pay attention, but it is much easier just to ask.

Maelisa Hall [00:30:06]:
What would you think is like the big takeaway? I mean, maybe, maybe the takeaway is like, if you haven't taken the quiz, go take the quiz and that's one place to get started. You know, any other like final thoughts or anything on how you could use this in your relation— in your relationships in general?

Amber [00:30:24]:
Yeah, so like I said, there's a book, there's the book The Five Love Languages, there's the kids version too for parents with their kids, and, um, and I think, you know, I'm not aware that there's a business one, but But it definitely is applicable. I think if you're feeling any kind of disconnection or tension, or you're feeling like, I just really want to give a little more to this relationship, I think it's a great place to start. It's like, you know, it's the low-hanging fruit. There are so many things that you can do, but in those small ways, how can you do those something special? And I think it's about the habit because You know, in general, I would say try to do something every single day. Now, if the person's love language is gifts or quality time, that might not be as easy. I do give more suggestions in the episode that I did about romantic partners about how to do that, but I think it's about trying to create a habit that if you're unable to do it every single day, but really you're thinking about it and you're kind of putting forth that effort, naturally— it and then it becomes a habit so that it's not You know, it's effortful, and I think the effort is just remembering, in all honesty.

Maelisa Hall [00:31:35]:
Yeah, yeah, true. Well, so if you are looking for more like practical examples and ideas, then you should go to the Couples Fix podcast and listen to that episode, right?

Amber [00:31:49]:
And go take the quiz. So just type in 5 Love Languages quiz in Google, and like we said, it's free.

Maelisa Hall [00:31:57]:
Yeah, so check it out and head on over to Couples Fix and check out that podcast too.