Is Your Story Keeping You Stuck?

Every day, we tell ourselves stories about our business, our life, our relationships. And often those stories limit our success.

I’m guilty of it, and I hear these limiting stories from clients every day. It’s hard to get out of our comfort zones and find a new way, and it often takes someone looking from the outside in to remind us that it’s possible.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing some of the stories you might be telling yourself and how you can reframe those stories into something that keeps you propelling forward. There are people who can help you, if you only let them.

Links & Resources:

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Time Stamps:

[0:46] – There’s something in the air that’s keeping us stuck
[1:43] – Getting stuck in the outline cycle
[2:29] – We’re staying stuck in our story because it’s comforting
[4:05] – There’s clarity on the outside of the story
[5:33] – There are ways to give yourself some down time
[6:30] – We need to let go of the story and open ourselves to the possibility of it being different
[8:06] – If you want to learn about it, you can
[11:07] – You aren’t alone in this place
[12:01] – See the possibility in this change
[13:25] – Reflect and assess what’s going on in life and what you want to be different

Transcription:

Amber Hawley 0:01
Business owners are increasingly being pulled in so many directions, feeling like they aren’t reaching their full potential in business and life despite their type aways. With my background as a therapist, entrepreneur, and as a.com dropout with ADHD, I interview and coach high achieving business owners like you who want to stop struggling for success by using psychological systems, strategies, and the occasional care for entation. This is the easily distracted entrepreneur, your place to slay overwhelm perfectionism and shiny object syndrome so that you can get done what matters most to you.

Amber Hawley 0:41
What is up y’all? I’m telling you, there’s something in the air. There’s something going around where it’s like, I keep hearing the same types of stories. And I’m feeling it myself. And it just makes me think like, people are struggling, people are tired, they’re a little burnt out. They’re a lot burnt out. They’re stuck in perfectionism and stress overload and panic and worry. We’re a little bit in survival mode. That’s what it’s feeling like. And it’s funny because I was going to record this episode. Well, not this episode, but a episode, an episode, I should say. And I wrote, like, I have on paper on these papers, I have written six different outlines for six different episodes. Because it’s things I’ve been thinking about. And then I start writing them out. And I was like, oh, yeah, I need more information. For that. I’m going to let me let me do a little research on that. And then I put it to the side, I was like, I’ll do something else, let me do something just a little bit easier. Which is so silly, because in reality, like, if I’m talking to somebody, I can talk about things. And I could riff and provide a lot of value. But for some reason, I have this story that it has to be better, right? I don’t know, it makes me think about how our stories keep us stuck. And that’s something I’m seeing a lot of. And it’s like, we’re not allowing ourselves what we need, and we’re staying stuck in our story. Because I know it’s comforting. It’s familiar, it means that we won’t have to do something different. But it keeps us stuck. I had a session recently with a client. And they wanted to talk about getting a schedule together so that they didn’t feel like they were always working. And they had a little bit more balance in their life. And you know, all of the things right? So we start the session, and we’re going through and I’m asking my questions that I asked and starting to realize like, oh, okay, you know, you’re only seeing so many clients, she said that she wanted to only work so many days a week. And I was like, Well, why can’t you do that right now? Like, why? Why are you? Why are you working five days a week when you don’t have that many clients that you would have to do that? Right? Like it was very manageable to lessen the days. And so there’s again that that story of well, this is you know, how people are scheduled, this is what I have to do I have to keep this up forever, I can’t just make a choice and change it right? Because that wouldn’t be thoughtful towards the client. But if it’s burning you out, like you need to do that, right? And it’ll be you’ll be able to serve that client better, because you’ll show up better. And people make a choice. They either prioritize it, they make it happen, or they don’t. But it was interesting that it’s like, it can be so clear when you’re not in the story. from an outsider’s perspective of like, well, that’s an easy fix. Like you could start doing that right now. You don’t have to wait months, you don’t have to have a big plan, you can just make that choice. You can give people a little transition time. Sure, but not a lot. Because again, when we’re burnt out or tired or wiped out, and we know like this is what I need, I need to have a three day weekend or a four day weekend, or whatever that looks like.

Amber Hawley 4:39
We can give that to ourselves. That’s the whole point of owning a business right? And it was interesting because as we talked further and was gathering information about like okay, what kind of clients you want to target and this person is kind of reassessing their niche and trying to figure things out. And you know, by The end of the session, what came out of it was this realization of, yeah, I need a break, I just need some serious time off. And I’ve seen it so many times where people are in that place of complete and utter overwhelm. And they still do not allow themselves that because they tell themselves these stories, that it’s not possible, that it’s not responsible, that it’s not financially feasible, whatever. And I know for many people, like taking off a couple of months wouldn’t be financially feasible. But there are ways to give yourself a break more downtime, if that’s the case for you, that we don’t allow ourselves because we don’t allow those options, right, we keep this very narrow view. So I guess my thought for this episode is really challenging the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck. You know, and I see this with, I do see this a lot with kind of how people structure their time and their week, and their work hours. There’s like this idea of, you know, in order to achieve what I want to achieve, I have to work 10 hours a day, for seven days a week, or this is just, you know, this is my industry, or this is how this happens. I mean, I’ve heard it all. And it keeps you know, and then they’re like, but I’m teetering on the edge, I don’t have any time with my family. I’m miserable. And I’m like, Okay, well, let’s, let’s then what is the option here, right, like, sometimes we have to let go of that story, and open ourselves to the possibility of it being different, which is hard. And I get that change is hard. But, you know, I see that with, you know, I can’t afford help right now. Again, it’s one of those stories we tell ourselves, when I’ve said this time and time again, I have found that actually hiring help actually makes you more money. So it may look like it’s an expense. But if you utilize it properly, it will actually make you more money. There’s, you know, the story of I’m not good with money. So people feel kind of stuck and hopeless and overwhelmed. They don’t know their numbers, they they don’t know, like what’s working in their business or not, because they’re too afraid to even look at it because they feel like they don’t know what to do. And again, not willing to ask for help. So this is another one, I have to do it all myself, I have to figure it all out. You know, and there’s, there’s so many resources out there. I mean, frickin Google, Google has many resources. But if I’m guessing, if you’ve been in business for a little while, and you have a network of people, I’m sure there’s somebody in your network, that you could go to their website, find out some information, or you know, if they’re a good friend, have a chat. But there are ways to educate ourselves to not let this thing this story, keep us in this place where we are stuck in our current situation. And we have to somehow stay like on knowledgeable about something, if you want to know about it, you can learn it, it’s very, it’s totally possible and doable. Right. Another one is clients won’t pay X, you know, whatever that is. And this is where it’s great to have people in your circle to kind of give you that feedback. But this is something I’ve seen a lot. And I will say I’m guilty of this as well, as I was thinking about what promotional offers to do for like Black Friday, and I’m talking to my operations person. And I said, Well, I think this would be more palatable for people, I think this is what people will be more willing to pay for this rather than double that amount. She’s like, is that true? We need people to help us question the stories that we’re telling ourselves, because that’s not necessarily true at all. That’s just, you know, it’s our own belief.

Amber Hawley 8:55
And, you know, we need to start checking those out, we need to start letting go of the idea that we have all of the answers. And you know, this is just how it has to be, especially if you’re not happy where you are, you know, it’s one thing if you’re feeling great, and everything’s chugging along, even then I still say like, check out your stories, get feedback, but especially if you’re not happy where you are. And another story we tell ourselves, I think is it’s gonna take me a long time to turn this around. Now true, some things do take time and some they take planning. But it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. There are can changes that we can make right away that would start to shift that energy, start to shift how we’re feeling. And frankly, sometimes just making up your mind about something, making a decision and saying, Okay, now this is going to be different and this is what I’m going to be focusing on that can be transformational in that moment that you made. decision, it changes, right? But again, what I see is when people start to do that, they say, Okay, I’m going to make this change, this is the thing I’m going to focus on. But then they actually still focus on like five other things. And then it doesn’t, you know, it’s not sustainable. They don’t keep up with that habit. Or they don’t make that thing a priority. And then they’re like, see, it can’t be done, or it’s gonna take me forever. And it’s like, well, yeah, because you overwhelmed yourself, and you didn’t allow yourself to, for that to be a true priority. So that’s one of those things where we tell ourselves a story. And then we set ourselves up for failure. So it’s about understanding that sometimes the stories we tell ourselves are keeping us stuck. And then sometimes the way we try to get out of those keeps us stuck, because we don’t set ourselves up for success. So all of that to say, I, it’s just been interesting. It’s been, you know, working with a lot of people lately who are in this place where they’re feeling kind of like, I’ve been doing this a while, this is just how it is, it’s never going to change and kind of feeling either hopeless or overwhelmed. And I just want to say like, I get it. I mean, I’ve been there many times. And it’s also not true, right? We have much more power in our business, and our lives than we give ourselves credit. But we can’t change everything at once, or expect ourselves to be robots, or pile things on ourselves. And then, and then wonder why things aren’t shifting, or why we’re not achieving that goal that we wanted. So I guess, even though this may sound kind of negative, I’m hoping that you see the possibility in this, that, really, if there’s something you’re struggling with something where you’re like, gosh, I just don’t want it to be like this anymore. Whether that’s how much you’re working. The clients, you’re working with your financial situation, your relationship, you know, your team, so many other things. I’m, there’s so many things in which we feel like, Oh, I just have to live with, you know, the hand of delts. It’s not true. It’s not true. And I think it starts with challenging, what are the stories we’re telling ourselves. So I hope this was helpful, to at least get you thinking. I mean, I think that’s, that’s one of the most important things we can do as business owners, we need to reflect on kind of what, what’s going on for us what our struggle is, where we want to be, and then open ourselves up to possibilities to get there. What’s also important in this is giving yourself the space to actually think about these things, right? Even if you’re feeling overwhelmed, and like there’s too much on your plate, give yourself a few hours, set aside some time for yourself or a day. And really spend time assessing, reflecting and assessing like what’s going on in your life. What do you want to be different and then identifying what that priority is.

Amber Hawley 13:34
Sometimes it can be helpful to spend some time with a Biz bestie, or a mentor or a coach or a therapist, or somebody who can give you some feedback or really just ask good questions. Listen to you and ask a question. Sometimes it’s not about the feedback they give. It’s about the questions that get you thinking and opening you up to possibilities. I do think the upside is getting that validation though, like that, it’s possible that you’re onto something that can be really helpful, but you got to make space for it, however you do it. So I hope you will take some time. Reflect on where you are right now in your business and your life. Assess how you’re feeling about those things. And is there something that needs to change? Is there something that you keep telling yourself like you can hear it, you say in your head a lot or maybe you say it out loud? If you’re like me and you talk to yourself sometimes that you keep telling yourself and you’re like, Oh, I’m so sick of hearing that from myself. I will make that a priority to change. And it can be true It’s formational so I wish you luck and Knox, I would love to support you in that if you need anything around that. Whether that’s booking a session, or just emailing me and letting me know, this is what the struggle is. I would love to support you. So I wish you luck in getting unstuck.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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