How to Use Your Network to Create a Support System

00:00:24 - Maelisa Hall
Hey there, welcome back to season one of the My Biz Bestie podcast. I'm Melissa Hall.

00:00:28 - Amber Hawley
And I'm Amber Hawley.

00:00:30 - Maelisa Hall
And today we are talking about how to use your larger network to create a more intimate support system. And in our last episode, we talked a lot more in the broader terms.
So today we want to talk about how you can create a smaller network that feels a little bit more intimate and where you can create some more meaningful relationships and get feedback.

00:01:01 - Amber Hawley
Yes. And to kind of go off of what we had said in the last episode, I think we wanted to start with one other way to engage with a network or to kind of build your network is to join people's programs. There's a lot of amazing programs out there, either business building stuff or specific things that you're wanting to learn for your industry.
And often a lot of people nowadays include a free private Facebook group as part of joining that community. I know a lot of people recently have been closing theirs, but there are quite a few that still have them. And one program that we wanted to talk about specifically was the Conquer Club with Natalie McNeil.

We are members of that. We joined it with a few of the people that were in our small, we have our Mavens group that we talked about in episode one. There's a group of nine of us who get together every year and do this week-long retreat where we go and work on our businesses and kind of brainstorm and give feedback.
And then we have a small group of just the nine of us that we get that kind of feedback all the time.

00:02:14 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And well, I think we'll definitely talk about that group in depth in a future episode. But today we want to talk about especially options where if you are feeling a little overwhelmed, like you're not quite sure how to create that smaller network for yourself, how can you sort of like how people talk about niching down.
So how can you sort of niche down your network to get more connections and give yourself more options and create that sense of safety? Because as you get into smaller and smaller groups, you can know people better and you continue to have the larger network, but then also have people that you feel safe with when you do want to share a big loss or a fail or get feedback on something.

00:02:59 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And getting feedback that you trust that inner circle, if you will. So, you know, and some people, again, they, you know, we see this online that people are posting this and I've heard it from people in my life where they just feel like, how, how do I even just meet people?
It's a really overwhelming situation. You know, whether or not they're an introvert or an extrovert or just kind of where they're at in life, they're just feeling overwhelmed. So our suggestion further from the last episode is joining those kinds of groups where the community is kind of already built in with the program.
Plus, you're learning something to enhance your business. Obviously, you're going to choose something you feel would actually, you know, benefit your business in some way.

00:03:41 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And some of them are bigger and some are smaller. And Price doesn't necessarily go along with that, but it often does. So these are, you know, if you're joining a program, you're usually paying for it. But I can think of one like bigger program that I'm a part of is Denise Duffield Thomas's Money Boot Camp, which we also talked about in episode one.
And that's a pretty big group. I think there's like 4,000 women in there. So it's not a small network, obviously, but even from that, because it's a bigger network, there are options for kind of niching down and meeting people. So I actually met with a woman who's local because she posted a question in the group and then she said where she was and I was like, hey, I'm right by there.

And then we connected. So you do have options from that. And at least we already knew we had, you know, some like-mindedness. right? Because we are in the same group and we're working on the same things.

00:04:41 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And basically through, I feel like through our podcast, you're going to learn that we're real joiners between the two of us. We join like every program or everything. We just love joining, joining and learning. That's our, that's our passion really.

00:04:54 - Maelisa Hall
And we're on Facebook a lot too.

00:04:58 - Amber Hawley
A little too much sometimes. Yes, I know there are other social media platforms, but we really talk about Facebook because we kind of live there. So that's why, and I could come up with excuses about that, but I'm not going to because I just love it. So, yeah, like what you said, I'm in other programs as well where, you know, I did Marie Forleo's B-School, which I highly recommend.
It's amazing. And all the people in there are really amazing. ambitious and focused. And I feel really, it's an amazing community, but it's huge. And so I use that group more as like a resource for tools or stuff like that. But I don't necessarily, I necessarily wouldn't post things for feedback in that group because it's so big and, and everybody's different.
And I feel like, I feel like I like getting feedback like about a marketing thing or like a creative or copy.

I like getting feedback from people who kind of know me and get me because style really matters in that. Not that there isn't validity in hearing other options, but I like having that more contained network when I get feedback, it just feels safer to me.
So the thing we love about Natalie McNeil's program is she calls it an incubator. So it's kind of real, it's very different, but it's a really great active community. And it's, I think it's under like 400 people. And so as opposed to being in the group with like five, 10,000 people, it feels more intimate, even though that's a lot of people, not everybody participates.
And that just feels like you definitely, it feels like the options for connecting with people are a little better. And then what it did for us is we joined that with five other, well, there were five of us total in our Mavens group, which is only nine, but five of us decided to do this program.

So we created a little group that, so we self-selected even smaller because we're all learning the same stuff at the same time. So it helped us with the accountability and kind of going through and talking about what we were learning. And that obviously just helps you solidify what you're learning.
I know.

00:07:08 - Maelisa Hall
I feel like we need a diagram. to show how all of these are breaking down. So maybe I'll draw one out and post it on our website. I don't know. That could be amazing.

00:07:21 - Amber Hawley
But yes, I know. Like I said, we're joiners, but that group has been really great, both the Conquer Club group, but then our small one that we call Conquer Queens, because we actually schedule a monthly call where we all get on Zoom together and then talk about you know, the plan and like how they go through it, the structure of the course and kind of what we're working on and, and getting that individual support.
So it's been really helpful.

00:07:47 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. So it's been a way to take that bigger group where it is an incubator where you have, you're guided in what to do each month. And there are Q and a calls, I guess we would call that office hours. So Natalie McNeil has office hours. And so there is an opportunity to connect and, And Natalie and her community manager, Kelly, both know a lot of people.
Because it's a smaller group, they can really get to know people well. But then in our Conquer Queens group, where there's just five of us, we have these phone calls and we can use it as accountability. And then also we have that safety net or that safety of feeling comfortable sharing a little bit more than maybe we would in the larger group.

00:08:35 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. Because yeah, I feel like in the larger group, and I may have done so recently, like posting a struggle I had, but if I'm really going to get into detail or talk about some of those neurotic thoughts that I think all of us business owners have from time to time, that stuff that comes up, that imposter syndrome or whatever, I want the safety of that really small group.
And we know that That is the value of having that support system that's really trusted that you're spending more time with or not necessarily in person, right? But that you're investing more in because they know you and understand you. And you know that even if you get feedback that might feel like...
I don't know, harsh isn't the right word, but you can get critical feedback, but know that it's coming from a really good place and that they understand you.

You're going to be much more open to it. Where I think that's sometimes the problem in these big groups that I'm in, in Facebook that, that have value, absolutely have value. But sometimes people will post things and really put themselves out there and you don't know what kind of people are going to respond.
And sometimes people just kind of, you know, attack them. And I don't think it ends up helping them or helping them grow because they're not necessarily even taking in the constructive feedback because it's just like they just got attacked.

00:09:52 - Maelisa Hall
Totally. And even for accepting critical feedback, it has to be from people you respect, right? So it has to be, if I have no relationship with someone at all, I don't know if they're being critical because they are actually super freaking smart and know a lot about that topic or if it's because they don't know what the hell they're talking about.
And it's not making any sense to them, right? It could be either or. So it really does help to be in a place where you at least are familiar with the people who are giving you feedback.

00:10:25 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. And to that, there are times where even our group of nine, we're very different people. And so also understanding, well, one, they understand who you are because they're You know what you what you have to put out there may speak to a certain kind of person and not to another and not because it's not because you're bad or wrong.
It's just like stylistically different, you know, it's just like anything. And so, yeah, if you don't know the person, it could just be, you know, they hate people who use any profanity or they can't stand people who were purple or whatever. I don't know.
It could be, it could be anything that could be just about their personal bias and has nothing to do with you. So you want to make sure you're getting quality feedback. That being said, again, it depends what you're putting out there in those groups that I feel like you do start to learn and, and understand, okay, this is the kind of thing that's appropriate for this, this type of group and I'm open to the feedback I'm getting.

00:11:25 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And I, I should say we're not affiliates for any of these groups, at least right now. I mean, if millions of you are listening to this and start joining, hey, we might have that conversation, but we're not stupid. These are just groups that we've genuinely found helpful.
And we've joined for particular reasons because it was meeting some need outside of the two of us too, because we do have that biz bestie thing going on. But you need other people. Especially when like us, you choose to have a biz bestie who's very similar to you in a lot of ways.
You want to have people who can offer you different kinds of insight too.

00:12:06 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. Just like when I have a new idea, I pretty much know, I mean, you give me honest feedback, which I appreciate because I want to know like, oh, that's crap or that's like, it doesn't seem like good timing. And you've said those things, but we are so similar and we get so excited by things.
It is really valuable. Like I have that you know, my other biz bestie who's very different from me. And I know that usually her advice would be like, slow down, finish the thing you're working on. You need to stop. And even though she's, you know, crushing my dreams, I love that feedback because I know that she's coming from a caring place.
Like she's not coming from any kind of agenda or because she doesn't get me or, you know, whatever. I mean, she might think the idea is genuinely stupid. That's fine. But I know she's coming from a caring place. So that's all that matters.

So it is important to have people that are different in your, in your network for sure. And yeah, that's why, you know, use different groups for different things. So maybe we could expand a little bit, like how do, if somebody doesn't have that smaller group that we call our mavens group.
So we call that smaller contained group mavens and the or a biz bestie, how would they go about getting, taking people from their bigger network and bringing it down to something like that.

00:13:23 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. I think if you're not a part of any, maybe we could say like medium-sized network, that might be the first place to go, right? Like a place like the Concord Club where it's a few hundred people, something like that can be a great place to start.
So you can get an idea and get an idea of how to use groups and get to know people. I do think it's important to get to know people a little bit before you start the group. I will say that's not what I did when I started, when I joined our Mavens group.
But, you know, there have been, you know, times where that's maybe held me back a little bit because I didn't know people as well. So, you know, I could have used the group a little bit better if I had done that in the beginning.

00:14:10 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. Yeah. And I think it's important to think about, I think about creating your business support system is a lot like dating. I know we've made that reference before, but you really, you can't force it. So if you're not meant to be, you're not meant to be.
And because there's so many nuances of personalities and relationships, right? And we go back to that saying of the adage of a reason, a season, and a lifetime. You know, there are people that you connect with because there's a reason that you're coming together.
So maybe the reason is you're in the same industry and you've attended this event. Maybe the reason is you've joined this group and you're in a private group or mastermind or whatever. Or maybe it's that you got an ADHD diagnosis and you want to connect with other people that have that, whatever the reason is, there's vast amounts of reasons.

But I think taking those people that you already know, those people that there's a reason for your connection and just seeing and kind of testing it out, you kind of date them and see like, is this a good fit? Because I think it's important when we're talking about business networks, the small business network that you're trying to develop here, that tribe is, it has to be I think it's important if they're in the same space or on the same part of the journey as you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're all, you know, it's okay to have somebody who's, you know, got more experience in one avenue and you've got more experience in another.
That's fine. That differences I think is very valuable. But if you have somebody who's like, you know, I'm, I'm good. Like I've built up my business and now I'm just kind of in coast mode. That's probably not the best person necessarily.

Now, I could be wrong, but it's not necessarily the best person to have in that inner circle. Yes, they might be able to give you feedback like a mentor or something, but the people who you're in this group, like working on things and getting feedback, it helps if they're kind of on the journey with you, if that makes sense.

00:16:01 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. Like I'm not going to go and be friends with the CEO of Coca-Cola and have, you know, great business conversations with whoever that person is. I honestly don't know, but... You shouldn't count that person out.

00:16:13 - Amber Hawley
They could be amazing.

00:16:14 - Maelisa Hall
They could be, but we're going to have totally different, like, I don't know. I mean, I'm, I'm not saying I won't have anything to offer them either, but... I think they're probably a little ahead of me as far as business. And also they're just in a totally different place, right?
So whereas that person who's a CEO, I guarantee you has some kind of network of other really high level people that they're working with to keep them at that level and to keep them growing, right? And we all have different steps along that journey. And some people you might actually kind of grow together and stay with them for a while and other people you won't.
But it is really important. And on the flip side, if you feel like you're pretty established and then you're trying to network and connect with people who are just starting out, you're going to set yourself up for resentment because eventually you're going to be answering all these questions and you're going to be helping people and you're not going to have as much of a reciprocal relationship.

00:17:18 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. And I think we're making a distinction here. Later on in future episodes, we're going to talk about mentors. And so I think what you're talking about, like the CEO of Coca-Cola could be your mentor, but that's not going to be part of your tribe.
And we're kind of talking about that smaller tribe. And that's where it could be, you know, so that you came together for a reason and you try to be thoughtful, but you're dating. You don't always know everything about everybody when you first meet them.
You but that's where the season comes in. Cause sometimes, like you said, that sometimes people are like, you know, I'm just in the space and I'm in this place in my life. Like I think about a friend that I have that she's building her business, but she has really small kids.
I mean, so do I, but she has really small kids and she's like, you know what? I just want to be focusing on them right now. And so that's great. And so she's still in my network and still a great friend and support system, but but I probably am not going to be spending as much time with her because she's not in the same space.

So the season is going to depend on where you're at in your business. And like you said, the person who's really established, if you're with newbies, that's not going to be a good situation. It makes me think of that Jim Rohn quote, you are the average of the five people you spend your time with.
And so the idea is you want to be with people who are similar. And again, it doesn't have to be exact because I think about us where... You offer a lot of value to me having an established online business and I'm trying to go that way. And I offer value to you because I have an established brick and mortar business.
It's different, but it's still an exchange of information.

00:18:48 - Maelisa Hall
Totally. Totally. And I, to kind of bring it back to, to like, how do you actually do this stuff? And I know we're saying like you, you date people and to date people, you have to initially ask them out. right? Or say yes. And I think that's one of the things too, like I did with the woman who was local in the money bootcamp group.
I reached out to her and was like, hey, I'm local too. And she was like, awesome. We should meet up. And so we did.

00:19:15 - Amber Hawley
You took the risk.

00:19:17 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And you do that and you might not connect with someone and that's cool, or you might, and then you just keep the relationship going. And I think of one friend in particular who reached out to me very early on in my online business. And the minute we talked, it was like we connected, you know, and we were talking and having a great conversation.
And I learned a lot from her and she felt a lot of value from what I was giving her as well. So then we just continued and we kept kind of increasing, you know, the The intimacy, I guess. And then at one point I was traveling up to the Bay Area for a conference, I think, or something.
And she was like, oh, well, why don't I said, you know, hey, let's meet up and let's have dinner.

And then she was like, oh, well, you know, I have an extra bedroom. You can feel free to stay here. And so I stayed there. And so it's like all these different levels. We kept sort of increasing how well we knew one another. And it definitely became that combo thing.
networking, friendship relationship, but it was just because we had that first conversation.

00:20:28 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. And yeah, and that's the thing, you have to take the risk. And I think a lot of people struggle putting themselves out there, whether or not they say it's, you know, the time or just, you know, feeling, if they're already feeling overwhelmed by their to-do list or whatever else is going on in life, it can be hard to do that.
But I think there's so much value to take a little bit of time each week to To make sure you're reaching out, and again in a very organic, authentic way, but making sure that you're still doing that. And that's why, like, I still go to those networking groups where I pretty much know who's going to be there.
But there's still value in building that connection. Because as you spend more time with people, you learn like, Oh yeah, these are my peeps and I want to spend more time with them. And you just never know what can come of that, and and I think, just having that.

That safety and support. Because being an entrepreneur, let's face it, is a roller coaster. You have those times where it's wonderful and you feel like you're in the groove. And then those times where you struggle and think, am I crazy? So having that support system to me is so important because then I feel like, yeah, I got this.
I can do this.

00:21:37 - Maelisa Hall
For sure. For sure. So hopefully this has given people some ideas for Ways you can either niche down a larger group into a smaller group or giving you some ideas for where to start to find maybe a medium-sized group and get this going. But when you do, I think this is really where people talk about – you hear these kind of like bigger business people talk about those game changers or how their mastermind group or whatever has – Accelerated their business or accelerated their growth?
And what we're talking about is not necessarily mastermind groups, and we'll definitely do an episode that gets more detailed about that. But this is how you start to find those people is by putting yourself in that space.

00:22:23 - Amber Hawley
Yes, and you know, if you could have one takeaway from this, hopefully, you know, in the last episode, we're saying, reach out and start, you know, involving yourself in more things and reaching out and spending time with people. But then now we're saying, okay, also.
Be thoughtful and reach out to people individually and follow up with people. I mean, I think that's a big part. You know, this building a friendship or relationship takes time. It's not going to happen overnight. I mean, there are those times where you just talk to somebody and instantly you're like, we're meant to be.
you know, and then sometimes, like you said, like you get to know them a little more and you're like, maybe not so much. Or you get to know them more and you're like, absolutely, yes, we're taking this to the next level. So, but you never know until you put yourself out there.
So attend things, do things, but then reach out and actually ask people. And I, you know, being a therapist, I'm quite aware that a lot of people struggle with this, whether it's just being shy or, you know, social anxiety or the things that they just feel like they are uncomfortable putting themselves out there to people.

You know, I'm going to say, I get that it's easier said than done, but try to take that risk. Don't always rely on the extroverts to do that because sometimes they have shiny object syndrome and they just forget. But I do think that that's the relationships in the follow-up and whatever that looks like.

00:23:45 - Maelisa Hall
For sure. Yeah. And if you are an introvert who knows some extroverts or met some recently, follow up with them because they probably really liked you, but maybe they just got shiny object syndrome. So yeah. Absolutely. Definitely follow up. Cool. Okay.
So we cannot wait to see you on the next episode. So make sure that you subscribe so you will Get that directly to your phone if you have a wonderful iPhone. I don't even know. How does that happen for you Android users? See, we have one of each here.

00:24:19 - Amber Hawley
Yes, I'm an Android. So I use Stitcher. Got it. So following on Stitcher. Or you could just go to our My Biz Bestie Facebook page or our website. But there's lots of ways to connect with us. And we are here to be your Biz Bestie until you have found one.
Yep. And so... Hopefully you enjoyed today's show. And again, take the risk, follow up. We'd love to hear if you actually did this, if you actually went to a networking thing you've been thinking about or you joined a Facebook group or something where you put yourself out there and then you followed up with somebody and you took that connection a little bit further, again, in a very organic, thoughtful way.
We would love to hear about that.

00:25:04 - Maelisa Hall
Absolutely. Let us know. You can write a review online. Or you can, if you privately want to shoot us an email or something, go to our website and do that.

00:25:14 - Amber Hawley
That would be awesome. Thanks so much for joining us and we'll see you next week. Bye.