How to Maximize Your Money Mindset

00:00:24 - Maelisa Hall
Welcome to season three of the My Biz Bestie podcast. I'm Melissa Hall.

00:00:28 - Amber Hawley
And I'm Amber Hawley.

00:00:30 - Maelisa Hall
And today we have a very, very special episode for you. Because it's special to us. Yes. They're all special. But this is a nostalgic episode for us, I suppose.
Or it brings back nostalgia. Today we are talking about how we met and going a little bit more in depth regarding the book that brought us together.

And how many couples can say that? Yeah. That's right, we are talking about money, mindset and get rich. Lucky bitch d d t d d t.

00:01:12 - Amber Hawley
We love ourselves some Denise Duffield Thomas Yo

00:01:13 - Maelisa Hall
Yes, so Denise Duffield Thomas, or DDT, for short, because we call her DDT all the time. Yes, I think she even does that herself.

00:01:24 - Amber Hawley
Oh, okay, shortens it.

00:01:25 - Maelisa Hall
You should.

00:01:25 - Amber Hawley
If that's your name, it's just you need to.

00:01:28 - Maelisa Hall
It's so good. Yes. You know, we love your name, Denise.

00:01:33 - Amber Hawley
If you're listening.

00:01:34 - Maelisa Hall
But seriously, you all know, because you've all listened to every episode and paid close attention, you know that we met in an online book club on Facebook. And we were all, which there are some other circumstances there, but that's the important part.

00:01:50 - Amber Hawley
So no, folks, it wasn't Tinder.

00:01:52 - Maelisa Hall
No. And... We were all reading Get Rich, Lucky Bitch. And the focus of Get Rich, Lucky Bitch is money mindset. And that can be kind of a, shall we say, woo-woo topic. It's very ambiguous. It's like, what is money mindset? And you'll hear a lot of people say different things, but DDT really is very, very good at breaking it down and highlighting how your money mindset impacts you.
your business, how it impacts your everyday. I mean, she calls herself a money mindset coach. She has mostly other business owners who follow her, but she has people who aren't business owners. So she really talks about how it impacts every area of your life, your relationships and your home life and everything that you're investing in.

So we love her. I'm going to... Yes. I was like, obvi...

00:02:49 - Amber Hawley
Melissa is a huge fangirl of hers. Hashtag fangirl. We fangirl so hard. So the thing I'm going to slightly disagree with you because I don't think money mindset is woo. I think Denise's approach is sometimes considered a little woo. But she's also very practical.
Oh, yeah. I mean, obviously we buy into this. And I think, you know, the funny thing is, if somebody asked me, I would not describe myself as woo. But if I told you all the stuff I do. I clearly am. Yeah. You're more woo than I am. Am I?

00:03:23 - Maelisa Hall
Oh, yeah.

00:03:23 - Amber Hawley
Oh, because I burn sage and shit.

00:03:25 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And essential oils.

00:03:27 - Amber Hawley
Essential oils are not woo. Dude. It's aromatherapy.

00:03:31 - Maelisa Hall
That research is only from the companies who create the oils. Just saying. Okay.

00:03:37 - Amber Hawley
We just had that conversation about how I approach my essential oils.

00:03:42 - Maelisa Hall
It is true.

00:03:42 - Amber Hawley
It is true. Yeah. I do not believe they cure everything on earth. In fact, the scientific part of me would debunk that. But I'm not here to fight with anybody. But what I'm saying is lavender smells good. Lemon balm smells good. And you are correct. And that shit relaxes me.
It's true. But yes, and I have been known to bird's age because I have had so many electronic issues. And I was like, I will do whatever. And I have done Reiki treatments. That's true. I was going to say, I have a salt lamp. Oh, good. Gosh, yes. I really, truly, my salt lamp burnt out, which I really felt like.
That's a bad sign. I know. I was like, damn, this is a bad sign. In fact, I should go get another one just to see. But yes, I feel like woo is egodistonic for me in a sense, but I wholeheartedly believe and freaking adopt all of it. So we manifested the shit out of this weekend.

This is obviously a heavy swearing episode for me. But yes, hashtag explicit. Hashtag explicit. Yes. Money sometimes brings out my like Tourette's because so I think money mindset is a very real and practical thing that a lot of people buy into. But maybe Denise's approach.
But again, I think her approach is genius. But so let's let's actually get into the content. Yes. Wait, did you want some content? No, but did you come here for a reason or did you just want to hear me swear?

00:05:07 - Maelisa Hall
Maybe. Maybe. But Denise is really cool because she has a combo of that woo and practicality. So I think that's why we both dig her. And I've been following Denise since like early on my little bitty busy days. And what she really talks about is I think really if you distill a lot of things down, she's got all kinds of formulas and everything.
And we'll link to her stuff so you can check her out. But really what she's talking about is basically what you focus on is what you're going to manifest. And I think she's really open about the fact that manifesting is in the opposite. Manifesting is what you're focusing on and what you're working towards, right?
It's like you do everything. And she even says like throw everything at it. That's one of her strategies. Like, hey, if you believe burning sage is helpful, burn sage.

If you believe doing affirmations is helpful, do affirmations. If you believe making all of your passwords is make 100K in 2018, You know, if you think that's gonna help you, do that, right?

00:06:11 - Amber Hawley
Hackers, I think you can figure out what Melissa's passwords are. No. It's way over 100K though.

00:06:17 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, true. But you know, my husband's an INTJ, so... It's not allowed. We don't have passwords like that.

00:06:25 - Amber Hawley
Yes. I will say the thing is with the manifesting and why I think she is practical and why I'm so into her stuff is, you know, some people... Because I actually believe in manifesting because I understand the science behind it of you're paying attention to something, you're focusing on it, you're putting energy towards it.
But if all you do is say like, I'm going to make 100K and I'm just going to put that there and I'm going to write it down and then I'm never going to do anything about it, like that's not going to happen.

00:06:54 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, exactly. So it's a combination of both, right? And I think where the money mindset piece comes in and why it's called mindset is is ultimately those things typically start with what you believe, right? So first, you have to make a conscious choice that this is my focus or this is my goal, or I'm going to stop saying these negative things about money all the time and I'm going to try to be positive about it.
Yes.

00:07:21 - Amber Hawley
And this is something I see a lot in my practice too, where it's those small nuances of words can really have an impact. And so like, I will say to my clients, I need someone else to say to me, because sometimes it's hard to see your own stuff. But well, I will say to them, like, if they say I'm bad with money, you know, it's like, no, let's say that differently.
Let's talk about, you know, I'm working on, you know, my money management skills, or, you know, something like that, where you're looking at it and more positive. It's not BS, it's not blowing smoke. But it's really about changing the way you're thinking about things, because the stories you tell yourself are impacting the behaviors you do.

00:07:57 - Maelisa Hall
Absolutely, and it, I think it switches something. When you tell yourself I'm working on managing something, then it's like, Oh, I have some autonomy, right? Like I have a locus of control, like, I have some say in this. This is not something that's happening to me, this is something I can impact, yes, and it's something that you can learn.

00:08:16 - Amber Hawley
It's like to say, I'm not good with money means like you're incapable of learning differently, like somehow you're naturally born with the gift of managing money. OMG.

00:08:27 - Maelisa Hall
Okay. So this made me think about when I was like, I think I was probably like 12 or something when they came out with the talking Barbie doll. I don't remember that. So they came out with this Barbie who talked and this was probably in like the early 90s.
Okay. And she had a few little phrases because, you know, this was back before like iPhones and stuff where she could have like some whole computer in her. And One of the phrases she had, so it was like on the news, one of the phrases she said was, I'm bad at math.
Or it was either I'm bad at math or I hate math. Damn.

00:09:01 - Amber Hawley
Yes.

00:09:02 - Maelisa Hall
That was what Barbie said.

00:09:03 - Amber Hawley
Let's hope we've made some progress, people, because that shit is what we were teaching our girls to say.

00:09:08 - Maelisa Hall
Exactly. So it was like a big news thing because it was like, this is what we're teaching little girls to say and to believe. And just recently, I heard some research that From someone legit, like a teacher or something. Some teacher somewhere, you know.
But someone that's like in the education system, they were talking about how girls and boys test the same or that girls will often test a little bit better than boys in math until junior high. And then there's this huge divergence. And when you look at, they were talking about STEM fields and how men dominate that field, right?
And it has nothing to do with ability and it has everything to do with With. There's a lot of things going on there. But ultimately it has to do with the mindset and the mindset shift that happens in girls during puberty.

00:09:57 - Amber Hawley
Yeah, and also the reinforcement, I mean, to be given certain messages. Your damn barbie's telling you you're bad at math. I know like you've been hearing that long enough. You start to believe it, right? So that's like anything you hear if you keep. exposing yourself to that same negative message, you're going to believe it.
And in fact, I heard something similar. I mean, this was a long time ago when I heard the research of actually girls are better at math and science in tests. But it again, it was that shift after a certain period of time.

00:10:26 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. So I mean, I think so there's like legit scientific evidence about this stuff. And we can't reference what that is, but you need to believe us. Yes. Yeah. But what you think and what you believe matters because it does help shift what you focus on.
If you think you're bad at math, if you've been told that your whole life, if you start to believe that about yourself, guess what? You're going to move into other subjects. Yes. And you're going to start getting better at writing or grammar or whatever.
You're going to put effort there. Yes, because that's where you're putting your focus. And we all know this, like when you have an area of deficiency, whether it's in your life, whether it's in your business. And you say, you know, this is the year of whatever, this is the year I have to focus on this, that area grows, because that's where you're putting your focus.
It's not magic.

00:11:13 - Amber Hawley
Whatever you focus on expands, be that positive or be that negative. And we can give you a million examples of that, especially as a couples therapist, I could give you lots of examples on that one. And so yeah, so we feel, you know, because we want to help you and you're a female entrepreneur, and we're trying to help you in this whole you know, making the entrepreneurial journey, you know, less lonely and more fun.
Money is such a huge piece of this. And I mean, I frankly feel like everybody has some sort of money issue that they kind of need to work through. And some people might be, you know, their mindset might be really positive and open and really good. But I feel like things are going to come up for people at certain times.
I know I have plenty and you're constantly telling me to do the DDT's clearing exercise.

Because I have a lot of shame and stress over money mistakes I've made. You know, choosing to invest in things or not following up with things and not getting paid for things. And, you know, there's a lot of stuff that goes behind that. And I have a lot of regret about that because it's like, and I constantly was telling myself the story and saying it to others.
And I stopped doing that of, hey, I'm really great at making money, but I'm also equally great at spending it. My husband would say it. I would say it. And it even became like, I'm equally great at blowing it. And in many ways, I'm very thoughtful. And I at least have a budget.
And I'm great with numbers. But money is an emotional thing. It's not a numbers thing. And so I know for me, Denise's stuff is very helpful. And I think it's something I'm ever working on and growing with.

00:12:55 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And I think one of the big things that Denise said, which she says... she did not invent, someone else invented. But it's this concept of new level old devil. And so even though we work through certain things and start to think about things differently as we grow professionally, as we make more money, then something new happens.
You start a new venture, you have a new product, you need to get a new location, whatever it is.

00:13:21 - Amber Hawley
You reach a new level of income or when you're up leveling especially.

00:13:26 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And then... You'll feel this plateau. And again, it'll feel like there needs to be some huge breakthrough and it's really difficult. It's a struggle. You're always working through this. It's not something that you do and then it's done. Which I find so irritating.

00:13:41 - Amber Hawley
Right? I'm like, can I just focus on this and be done with it already? Because I'm ready to move on. I got shit to do.

00:13:49 - Maelisa Hall
I know, like, can I do the course and get the diploma and that's that? Yes, give me my diploma and let me be done. Yes, but I mean, so obviously this is related to like your own personal mindset. If you're BizBestie or even the people in your inner circle, the people who are really influencing you, their money mindset issues will also impact you.
And if they have significant money mindset issues and they're not working through them, that could potentially hold you back. Absolutely.

00:14:22 - Amber Hawley
Because I think if you're, especially like, let's talk about the biz bestie thing. If you're relying on somebody to give you support and to do carefrontations, so they're giving you that caring but tough love feedback or necessary feedback or those kinds of things or telling you what to invest in or kind of supporting you.
If you have somebody who's got a really limited or fixed mindset around money, they're not really going to give you the advice that's best for given the situation and for you, they're going to be coming from a place of fear, right? And sometimes people can have a really good mindset over money and tell you not to spend money on something because it's not about like, oh, if you have a good money mindset, you just say yes.
That's not it at all. You're discerning. You have to be thoughtful. Again, you want to be practical. You want to have a budget.

You want to know what you're spending and investing on and looking at ROI because that's business. But when you have somebody who just like Categorically says no, or just has a lot of fear or stress, or, oh, no, you can't. You can't possibly not work that extra day because that means, you know, that's just not.

00:15:28 - Maelisa Hall
You can't do that like you can't set limits, or if you especially. I think this comes up in like business partnerships, whether you're actually like partners with someone, or whether maybe you just do like a. I think this will come up really quickly and you'll start to notice it where maybe you wanna price it one way and they wanna price it a totally different way.
Or you realize, okay, we're cool on that, but then they don't wanna put certain investments up front. And this is one of those things where there's not always like a right or wrong. You just wanna make sure you're kind of on the same page because if you're both DIY mindset, that could work really well.
But if you have someone who's DIY mindset because they don't want to spend anything. And then you have someone else who's like, let's invest everything up front and make this look amazing and make it look like we're 10 levels above where we are.

And they're willing to lose money to do that, those are like opposite ends of the spectrum. And that's going to create a lot of conflict. Yeah, definitely the conflict.

00:16:29 - Amber Hawley
And sometimes it isn't worth paying a lot of money for something and it is better to use your time. But sometimes you cause yourself so much stress and you can burn out if you're not willing to invest in yourself and your business. So again, it's situational.
So it's not about this is right, this is wrong. It's about challenging your mindset and what you're doing. You know, if you're saying to yourself, oh, you know, I can't afford help, you know, oh, good for them. They get so much support. And there's like this jealousy or this negative feeling or just this feeling that that isn't possible.
I feel in this day and age, there's so many possibilities and there's so many options available to us. And so, again, it's just about being thoughtful about that. And, you know, I have seen this come up for me when I initially started my business with my husband because we have very different views of money.

And we've been together for 21 years. So I think we're more on the same page now, but he has a high need for security and spending money really stresses him out. And I have a very different view. I have a very different view. I'm willing to invest and I believe in the flow of money.
So I just, it is what it is. But when I started my business, we had to have discussions around, okay, if I ask you for feedback, that's one thing, but he is not involved or aware of My business spending or expenses at all. Because he can't be involved in it without stressing himself out, and it really stresses me out when he's giving me feedback about that.
So we just knew that, like, my business is my business, as long as I'm bringing home income and we can pay our bills. And, you know, do what we need to do. So it's not like, I'm just saying, ah, you know, free reign a little bit, but it is about saying, like, I need the space to make the decisions without worrying about.

What he's thinking. And I'm talking about those smaller decisions, right? Not something like huge or momentous, because I do check in with him about stuff, but it's probably more of the use of my time or being away from the family or something like that.
But not like, I am not going to consult with him over the day-to-day running of my business.

00:18:34 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And this is, oh my gosh, it's like such a big topic too, because I feel like what you were saying earlier about having those feelings of when you see different things from people, It's such a popular thing. I hate those freaking Facebook ads where it's like, how I made a million dollars in my first year of business.
And I tend to be someone who naturally believes people when they say something. I wouldn't say I'm always naive, but maybe sometimes I am. And so it took some time for me to realize that like, oh, wow, those people might be lying. And you know, like they might be lying or they might be purposefully disingenuous, right?
Like maybe they did make a million dollars, but that was gross. And they actually spent $1.2 million or they spent $900,000 and they have a team of five people.

Yeah. They spent like, yeah, a half a million on Facebook ads. They don't talk about that. And so I think it's so easy to look even at people who maybe are touting this positive mindset around money and saying like, money's great and we can all make money and there's plenty of money for us.
But it's so easy to feel like, oh my gosh, how can I ever get to that point? Or why am I not there yet? And then compare yourself. Yeah.

00:19:50 - Amber Hawley
And reinforce that sense of failure. And I think, you know, we do network with a lot of women in real life. And I think when you're in real life, you get to chat a little bit more, as we say, spill the tea. And we find out about a lot of those people who, again, maybe they weren't lying about the number, but they weren't honest about what the take-home was.
And so people will shift because they don't have a sustainable business, right? And this is something I know we talk about a lot with our entrepreneurial women circles and that idea of whenever I see people saying like, oh, I have a six-figure business, and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And like, I make a hundred thousand or whatever. And I can remember saying like, I've posted this a few times, like I've had a six figure business for a few years. I do not take home six figures.

That's a whole different thing. And so being really honest about that, I think more people need to do that or shut up because it's bull. And like you said, people do in the comparison game. And so then people feel pressure, they feel guilty, you know, and we've seen so many people where, you know, they end up they seem like they're going so strong and then all of a sudden they kind of disappear and you're like, okay, what's going on there?
And, you know, find out some stuff or, you know, what you and I had talked about earlier is like people who are out there, you know, coaches do this a lot. We've seen coaches do this, not all coaches, but, and other people where they say like, oh, you know, your side hustle made some money.
So quit your day job and really focus. And there's leap and the net will appear. Yes. Yes, build it and they will come. That's a great movie though.

But they tell you that, but the reality is, if you don't look at the practicality of your business and see, is this sustainable? Was this a great launch? But the fact is, I can only do one launch a year, so I'm not going to have money for however many months.
I think so many people are pushed towards, you can't keep that side hustle. You need to make it your full-time thing. And then they feel so stressed and Because it's not, not that it's not a bad business idea or whatnot, but it maybe isn't something that's ready to be sustainable.

00:22:00 - Maelisa Hall
Totally. I 100% bought into that during my first year of business, and it completely stole the joy out of my business. Because I was even told by people, like, I always say I have a deep blue ocean. Like, I don't have a lot of competition for my online business where I help other therapists.
So people were like, who I was... either being mentored by or getting coaching from, they're excited about that because they're like, hey, you have all this opportunity and I was jumping in, but it still took a lot of time to grow. And I was looking at these very few examples of people who grew exponentially overnight or seemingly overnight and thinking like, oh, well, I should be able to do that too.
So I'm gonna be able to quit my job in a year. Like I 100% thought I could quit my job in a year.

You know?

00:22:50 - Amber Hawley
And, and your first launch would be a six figure launch.

00:22:52 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And it was decent, but it wasn't, it wasn't that it wasn't enough where I could then quit my job. It was a great, you could have lived off of at that point. It was a great month, you know? And so it was exciting, but I feel like if I hadn't put that pressure on myself in that, especially in that first year, I made some peace with it later, but I would have been able to enjoy that month longer.
that launch month that was really successful because it was comparatively into where I was and the fact that I was only putting in like 10 hours a week on my business because I was working full time. But instead I was disappointed because it was like, oh, but I still can't quit my job yet.
And thank God my husband is totally the opposite of me because I might've quit my job if we were like the same person.

So I think that's so important. And I think the way a lot of coaches talk about money mindset is that they make you think if you're planning, if you have a budget, and if you're careful, that somehow that's a money mindset issue.

00:23:55 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. As you said that, it made me think about all the people I've talked to who do the hard sell. Because I'm somebody who really does believe in investing in my personal growth and growth of my business. So I've- That is an understatement, folks. I like to buy everything.
And I have hired many coaches and done many different programs and whatnot. But when you get those people, and luckily, more and more, it is such a turnoff for me, that hard sell, where it's just like, oh, so you're not willing to invest in yourself.
And that's just a huge turnoff at this point, because I realized like, screw you. You're just trying to play on my insecurities or my stress. or, you know, the doubt that I may have. But if I'm being thoughtful about what I'm investing in because I either don't see the ROI of what you're promising or this just isn't the right time, then, you know, That's somebody I would say walk away from because, yeah, just not wanting to spend doesn't mean you have a money mindset problem.

It just means you're being discerning. And sometimes, yes, saying no all the time does mean you have a money mindset problem. So it's figuring that out. But yeah, I think people out there are doing people a disservice when it's just this hard push and like, this is what you need to do and this is what it needs to look like.
And not every side hustle is meant to... take over and be your primary business. You know, it's a great, sustainable, little like lucrative side hustle, you know, and some of them, yes, they just need more time and energy and they will grow.

00:25:27 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, for sure. And I think one of the things I heard Gary V talk about in an interview and Gary V is usually like, you know, we associate him with like hustle, right?

00:25:36 - Amber Hawley
By the way, that's Gary Vaynerchuk for those of you who are clearly not friends with him.

00:25:42 - Maelisa Hall
Sorry, you know, like we are. But, you know, He's associated with hustle, hustle. And he says he works ridiculous hours and he's obsessed with his business and all of that. But I had an interview with him where he talked about what if, you know, not everyone's business is going to make millions of dollars, unfortunately, you know, but that's not what it's all about.
A lot of it in this kind of bringing us full circle. Denise talks about, you know, DDT talks about wealth is not always money, right? So what is rich for you? And one of the examples Gary Vee gave was, what if you'd loved your side hustle more than the job you have, but you made $95,000 in your job, but you could make $60,000 in your side hustle?
He's like, that's the real question.

Is it worth it then? Because you love what you're doing and you have that flexibility and freedom. He's like, it's not about making six figures. It's about like, hey- is this viable enough? And this is something I really love and it gives me time and flexibility and I get to live the life I want.

00:26:50 - Amber Hawley
That's a good one right there. That is, I mean, I think that's a beautiful place to end because I do think that's the thing. There's no right or wrong answers. It's about what you're looking for out of your business, out of your life. And one way isn't better than the other.
It's so deeply personal. And so, you know, we do think, though, looking at how you view money and the stories you tell yourself about money or about how you are with money are really important things to look at. And we think it's so important to look at that that we have a super awesome giveaway.
What? Especially because we love us some DDT. And we want to spread the wealth, so to speak. No pun intended. And so we are hosting a... Instagram challenge for you all. And so for those of you who take a picture of where you are listening to this podcast episode right now and post it on our Instagram page at MyBizBestie.

On your Instagram page and tag us. Yes, I'm sorry. No, just post it on mine. You figure out how to do that. And then talk to me. We'll give you some a little more than a book. I know because there's some people's pages I like to post on. Yes. Sorry about that.
But yes, post a picture of you where you're listening to this episode right now and tag us at MyBizBestie. And we are going to pick four awesome lucky winners to get a free book of Denise Duffield Thomas's amazing like award winning. Well, I don't know if she's won any awards.
Best selling is what I meant to say.

00:28:31 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. Best selling. And recently updated.

00:28:35 - Amber Hawley
Yes. Although maybe we'll give her an award so that I speak the truth. Oh, I like it. Yeah. And you will get her best selling book. We will ship it to you. Get rich, lucky bitch. And for those of you who don't love the swearing, although I'm not quite sure why you're listening.
It really is amazing content in there. And so, you know, excuse the title, but I think it's great. But definitely go on over to Instagram and do that. And we would love to have you be one of the lucky four. I was gonna say ladies, but men can do it too.
True. Who could win?