Learning to ask for and, even better, accept help is key in redefining your life and your wealth. This, according to Patrice Washington, host of the Redefining Wealth podcast. She’s a personal finance expert who started the Redefining Wealth podcast with the help of her business support system.

Patrice always knew that money was about more than material possessions. Her work with countless one-on-one clients taught her that a relationship with money is actually about personal well-being. Patrice teaches the masses how to move from debt management to money mastery.

After being raised by strong, independent women, independence came naturally to Patrice, but asking for help didn’t. Her fiercely independent ways didn’t help her grow her business or in her personal life because she didn’t understand how to accept support. It took hours of therapy for her to peel back the layers and to learn how to give herself permission to receive support from others. Now that she understands that other people’s expertise and assistance can really help her business grow she has been able to scale her business.

Listen to this episode to learn how important having a business support system is for growing a business.

About Patrice Washington:

Patrice is a number one best-selling author, captivating speaker and hope-restoring coach to women like you who want to do good work in the world, but believe they deserve to earn damn good money doing it. And if you didn’t feel that way before half a second ago, then you’re in the right place!

Links and Resources:

Time Stamps:
[2:12] Who is Patrice Washington?
[5:15] Money affects every part of your life
[12:39] What has she learned as a business owner?
[15:33] No matter how successful she is, she’s still a work in progress
[21:10] Who supports and challenges her?
[25:30] Why your significant other shouldn’t be your accountability
[27:49] Don’t keep your goals secret
[30:52] How she taught her daughter that material possessions don’t define wealth
[35:33] Her business support system helped her pivot

Unknown Speaker 0:00
You’re listening to the my biz bestie podcast where female biz owners find their support system to have their back through the highs and lows of running a business and to make this entrepreneurial journey less lonely and a lot more fun. Here are your hosts licensed therapists, entrepreneurs and biz besties Amber Holly and Melissa Hall

Maelissa Hall 0:24
Welcome to season three of the my biz bestie Podcast. I’m Melissa Hall. And I remember Holly and today we have a superstar here on the Midas bestie podcast. We have the lovely Patrice Washington. Welcome, Patrice.

Patrice Washington 0:41
Thank you for having me.

Amber Hawley 0:45
I feel pretty legit right now because you’re pretty amazing. I wish I had your book with me. I could hold it up and like although we’re not doing video, so I guess that doesn’t.

Maelissa Hall 0:57
Amber’s? Yes. Oh, just to confirm that she has it and she’s obsessed.

Amber Hawley 1:03

Patrice Washington 1:04
Thank you guys so much. I have adored you both since the day we met you just make me smile. And I’ve never body rolls with anyone. Anyone? Besides you in public, you share that? Like you’re my body? We’re all friends.

Amber Hawley 1:21
I know. And I was like, you’re gonna see, I thought you were gonna say not at night and not in nightclub, like only in a nightclub. Have you body rolled with somebody?

Patrice Washington 1:30
No, not well, in adulthood.

Amber Hawley 1:36
Okay, but stay time sober. And I don’t

Patrice Washington 1:40
want this conference. It just typically doesn’t happen. Yeah. But that was

Maelissa Hall 1:45
a special kind of conference. And, and that’s how we met is you were sitting right behind us. And we were all chatting. And we fell in love with you right there. And then you said that you were gonna be a Podcast Movement, and actually speaking at Podcast Movement We were like, and then we listened to you a Podcast Movement, and you had the best workshop that we attended.

Patrice Washington 2:05
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. It was so much fun.

Amber Hawley 2:09
I know, we were front row center. We enjoyed it a lot. There was a lot of value bombs in that one. So definitely people should head out and hear you speak for sure.

Maelissa Hall 2:17
And just in case anyone out there has not heard of you. That’s right. We’re talking about we should do a little introduction. So Patrice also has a podcast Patrice, you want to tell our listeners about your podcast and what you do?

Patrice Washington 2:32
Sure. Well, my podcast is the redefining wealth podcast where we believe that wealth is more than money and material possessions. It’s also first and foremost actually about well being. And so I’ve been known as a personal finance expert for almost a decade. That makes me feel kind of oh, I don’t know how so much time has passed so quickly. But for almost a decade, I have lived my life with the mission of helping move the masses from debt management to Money Mastery. And as an author, a speaker, a television personality, radio host all these different things. I just started to feel like people were obsessed with the skill set piece, the how do i budget, asked me questions about credit or investing. And I’m like, you realize the real problem is you though, right? Like you don’t have as many challenges with money as you think you do. It’s not the money. It’s the mindset that we need to work on. And so after years of you know, being on stages, and doing all this stuff about money, I wanted to really focus on money mindset. And so I shifted to redefining wealth and helping people really look at their lives as a whole. And look at the other pillars of life that represent how we get to the wealth that we desire. And so at redefining wealth, I talk a lot about our physical and mental fitness and our relationships and our space and how we set our life up to support us and our faith and working in our life’s purpose and how all those things come together to help us make wiser decisions with our money. So that’s who I am. And that’s what I do.

Maelissa Hall 4:07
Yeah, it’s amazing, because I know, you know, mindset can be kind of a buzzword and you hear like, oh, people don’t want to pay for help with their mindset or, you know, until they realize that that’s actually what’s going on. Right and like money is so emotional. Oh, yeah. Emotional.

Amber Hawley 4:23
That’s what I’m constantly telling my couples is, you know, doing couples therapy. It’s like, there are people I see that are engineers or even financial planners. And it’s like, because money is emotional. It’s not about having the know how it’s not about like you said just the budget like that helps because I definitely most my couples don’t our budgets, but or spending plans or anything, but I do think the mindset piece is what keeps you from making those sustainable changes. So I love that you’re speaking to that.

Patrice Washington 4:52
Yeah, I mean, because I think that who you are with $100 is who you are with $1,000 or who you are with $10,000 Like you can’t put more money in some one’s hand, you know, and then thing all of a sudden, they’re gonna make these wonderful rational decisions. Like, we know that our rational brain part of our brain only accounts for so much of our decision making, most of it is the emotional piece. And so in our work, I really focus on lack of fulfillment, because I really believe that when people are not fulfilled, they have a greater tendency to financially mismanage right, like, they are always looking for that next thing that they think is going to make them feel better, or make them be more accepted, or make them feel more worthy. And it’s like, the thing that you buy is not going to do that you got to work on you. Right, you have to get to the root of what’s even making that an issue for you. And so I think I should have been a psychologist, I think I really should have.

Maelissa Hall 5:49
I know.

Patrice Washington 5:52
Right, in some form or fashion, you should have been forced to take a psychology class, because if we were more Yeah, you know, I think just aware that we’re not that we don’t have to always be on automatic. Like, we get to really explore why we do what we do. Like why do certain things come up for us, then we can make so much more progress in any area.

Amber Hawley 6:14
Yeah. And willing, you can’t create a life you love and want if you’re on automatic pilot, right. And so I do think that that’s a super important part.

Maelissa Hall 6:22
Yeah. And that’s why I love that you talk about, like you said, you have these six pillars, and you talk about everything in your life. Because when one thing is jacked up, it does kind of impact your money, right? Like, I can just think of all these different ways in which all of these things intertwine. And when we’re able to actually like dig in and not to overanalyze everything. But sometimes we do have to take that time to look at what is going on in our life. And if we’re not happy, or if we’re not meeting our goals, like what is the reason and it might be that you are not focusing on your physical health, it might be that you are feeling out of control with your money, it might be that your relationships are out of whack. And that’s what’s impacting you, but you have to be willing to dig in and look at what things are impacting you.

Patrice Washington 7:08
You know, I worked with hundreds of clients one on one back in the day when I was in Atlanta, and helping them with financial coaching, right. And I would always hear different stories about oh, I just never learned how to budget, my parents suck. They didn’t teach me anything like always with a story. But the more I spoke with people, and the more we unpack things, I would have clients who would complain about their employers, for example, or their work situation and very legitimate complaints. I’m not excusing the behavior of the employers are the circumstances are anything, but my clients will feel like, well, if I got another certification, if I got another degree, I’m gonna go back to school, I’m gonna, it’s like, well, you could actually just take the same gifts to a new place, you know, like, you don’t really have to go back to school over and over and over again, or some people who think that I’ll just keep climbing this ladder, or I’ll keep putting in all the effort, but why aren’t they seeing me? And the truth is, you’re not even showing up the way you think you’re showing up, because you’re still dealing with childhood trauma that’s unresolved in and so you think that if I go someplace else, if I move, if I get a new job, or if I go do something else, but you’re taking you with you, you know, and for myself, I had to realize at a certain point that I had the education but I didn’t necessarily always have the esteem to go after the things that I wanted. And when I started therapy, really intensely one of the reasons was because I grew up feeling very ugly, very inadequate, because I was told these different things by people in my family, and also a lot of teasing growing up, and I felt ugly. I felt, you know, I was too tall, I was too dark I was my lips were too big, my nose was too flat, like anything that could be a diss. I got it as a kid, and especially for people that I love. And so I used to have dreams and visions of me being on stages, but they will frighten the heck out of me because I’m not gonna stand somewhere and let people like look straight at me and only me like there’s nothing else here. I’m like, No, this is that’s a cruel nightmare. That’s not even a dream. And so as I started to get older, though, never I love speaking I always got in trouble for talking in school. No surprise there. I love speaking and I wanted to embrace it more. But I always felt so self conscious about people looking directly at me that it was a thing for me. And it wasn’t until, you know I had this scenario happened and my husband’s like he was my boyfriend at the time. You really need to talk to somebody and I know he was thinking like, I don’t know if I can marry her. She’s a little off. Like if she can’t pull this together. I don’t know.

Maelissa Hall 9:44
Well, because if people haven’t seen you, you are a beautiful woman. So I’m sure if he’s like, why does this beautiful woman have these weird issues? She’s gorgeous.

Patrice Washington 9:53
Well, no, definitely didn’t think that at the time for sure. And so when I started to go through counseling and deal with If that childhood trauma and the hurt, that comes from people who are supposed to love you, but they’re also hurt people, so they hurt you in words and deeds, and really adopting, I learned a new definition for forgiveness, which was giving up the possibility of a better past and just, you know, kind of embracing and accepting what was for what it was. And there was so much work that I had to do on me. But I always tell that story, especially the young people, because when I fast forward and look at my life today, and look at standing on stages, where hundreds or 1000s of people looking at you at one time, or the fact that my face is on four different book covers, soon to be five, or that I’ve been on national television dozens of times now, like I realized that had I not dealt with that it would have prevented me from getting to the wealth that I experienced today. And so you have to look at these different areas. And that’s why I’m really passionate about redefining wealth, because I don’t want people to get caught up in the distractions, you know, like everything outside of you is a distraction. And it’s designed to keep you from doing the work of looking at what are these different areas in your life where you could, you know, possibly go get some support, or just take the time to reflect and be conscious of the decisions that you’re making and how unsupportive they actually are in the bigger scheme of things.

Amber Hawley 11:18
Yeah. And I think that’s what really struck me and stands out to me about your mission and your podcast is that you’re looking at it very holistically. And I think that that is important, because you’re right, there are so many things that impact how we deal with money, how we view money, how we view ourselves, and how we show up in the world. And so there are those times where therapy is needed, because that’s what helps you get past it, or having somebody who gives you the clarity to say like, Hey, you’re telling yourself this story. And that’s your reality, but it’s really getting in the way of everything you want. And that story is just that it’s a story. And so you need to change that narrative. But I think that’s what again, you know, besides your body rolls, because that was amazing dancing in public, always, always good people. But once I delved in and got to listen to the podcast, that’s why I was like, Oh, this is great, because especially as business owners, you know, so our listeners, mostly our business owners out there, it’s so easy to have all of that stuff triggered, and to have all of those stories defining the kind of life that you’re leading, because you haven’t been able to figure out a different way of looking at it.

Patrice Washington 12:30
Yeah, I know, for me, as a business owner, I’ve had to learn to give myself permission to get support, and give myself from it. Because I grew up in a Caribbean family, single mom, single grandmother, very strong, independent women who I never really saw asked for help. So I didn’t have an example of what that really looks like I was raised to figure it out, you know, you had a question. It’s like, figure it out, figure it out. So matter of factly, like, figure it out, you know, so I grew up pre Google. So I’m like the kid with the encyclopedia or the dictionary, and you’re just trying to figure it out, or use your best, you know, judgment at 10 to figure it out. And so how that impacted me later on in life, though, is even as I build businesses, and hired support staff, I still would find myself not able to delegate or not able to trust people to carry out the vision, because I’m supposed to figure it out. I’m supposed to be the one I’m, you know, giving people very small tasks, like the dummy proof tasks, right? Like, I can’t mess this up. So I’ll let them do that. But then not realizing how taxing that was on me mentally and physically, to do everything, and financially to pay other people to still do their job, and I’m doing their job. That doesn’t make sense, either. But, you know, again, it’s about taking a step back and looking at why do I do this? Why am I self sabotaging? Because that’s what it is, why am I preventing myself from being able to scale and grow because I need to wear every hat on the organizational chart, like this is not wise. And so I had to learn to give myself permission and I’m still doing that. give myself permission to accept support, let people help you. That’s actually one of my next episodes is people want to support you like they want to, but you keep telling the story about why they can’t or why they’re not qualified, or why they’re not equipped. And that’s it’s a story because if you allow other people to operate in their genius, and you focus your time on your genius, the only thing that can happen is magic. Like that’s the story, you know, but we clouded with all these other stories. And also, in my personal life. I realized that being raised by strong single independent women did not necessarily serve me when I got married, because I wanted to run my life the way I have become accustomed to seeing doing and I had a husband that wanted to support. But I also was like, I don’t really need you like I like you around. I can do this, I can do that. And then, you know, when my daughter came, it’s like I took on all of this weight and responsibility that was unnecessary, you know, but then I would be bitter in the background, because I’m like, he’s always gone live in his life. And I’m here with this baby, and I got my own stuff to do. And it’s like, when he wanted to help you saw them, he wasn’t doing it right. Now he can be like, Oh, you’re not changing her ride, or I don’t like how you’re holding her your bounces too hard. And you’re walking to, you know, it was like I was a terrorist and know how to make sense. So. So that has been such a big thing for me, too, is like, man, there’s so many things that we do. Again, we’re self sabotaging. And we don’t even realize that it doesn’t have to be as hard. But those stories that we tell ourselves or that we allow ourselves to live in, you know, they’re no longer support is that was my mom’s story. That was my grandma’s story, they didn’t have an option for support. Like they made the choices they made, because it was not an option. And once I learned girl, you have options, like Choose wisely, then a lot of things started to open up for me.

Maelissa Hall 16:17
Yeah, I think that’s such a good point, too, is it’s not only about that, it’s like maybe even something worked for you in your life at another time. And then things changed, then you have kids, then you get married, then you start a business, then your husband loses his job, you know, whatever it is, we have to continually adapt. And it’s funny because you think you’re on this, like a lot of this is kind of like being on a personal growth journey, right? And you think like, oh, okay, yes, I made all this progress. I made it, I’m good. And then something else comes along, and you have to like, go back into it again.

Patrice Washington 16:49
I know I love that’s why I talk about on my podcast, too, is like, I’m on this journey with the listeners. Like I always say, I’m not your guru, I am constantly re evaluating and looking again, at why does this come up for me? Or why is this coming up? For me, I love the things. And I think it’s really dangerous, though, when you think that you’ve mastered something. When you think that you’ve mastered something you are on the straight path to disaster, I think because you stop putting in the effort that you were once putting in when you were trying to figure it out. And so you become a little more relaxed with it, you know, you’re not maybe honoring the boundaries as hardcore as you used to, or just checking in as much as you used to. And it is a constant thing. Like I realized I talk a lot about surrendering, and being able to let go of things, which really falls in line with giving myself permission. And I realized that I’ve been really selective about the things I would surrender, like, you know, I would give myself a bit more grace and surrender with finances, and I’m a Christian. So I talk from, like, the perspective of being a believer, but I’m like, Okay, God, like you can have my finances, but like my husband, I got to work on him myself. Like, I wouldn’t be able to showcase, you know, I’m like, Okay, you can work with my husband, but like my daughter, I’m gonna have to get in her book, because she’s not she don’t get it, you know, it’s like, I will be very selective about the things that I was willing to let go of, or show some grace towards or have more compassion for I was very compartmentalized, you know. And so it’s really cool when you get to keep going, like, keep looking at yourself and going like, yeah, no, you’re a mess. Beautiful mess, like, but it’s okay. Like, to your point, this is a seasonal thing. And some seasons, I’m really great in some areas, and then in others, I fall off. And then in the next season, I get to pick this back up and build it up, while some other things and I think that that’s the great thing. There’s always new tools and resources and you know, different things that you’re exposed to that can help you get things a little bit more deeper, you know, get more conviction around them. But I would be lying if I said I could give every pillar 100% at all times.

Amber Hawley 19:05
Yeah, and I don’t I don’t think that’s realistic, right. And I think, I think that sometimes when people convince themselves about it’s a way of feeling in control, because it’s very overwhelming to feel like, Oh, I’m going to always have to be working on this. And I think you do learn that it’s manageable that you learn the coping mechanisms. But as Melissa says, often it’s like new level old devil. And so these things just pop back up. But you also build the confidence that hey, I was able to do this before I can do this again. And I think this is so common for I mean, for everyone really, but for women and business owners alike where what you said earlier really struck me of I think there’s this sense of if I did it better, I wouldn’t need this help. If I was doing more than I wouldn’t XYZ whatever that story is again, and it is a sense of you know, I want to feel like I’m in control of this and it doesn’t feel Oh scary. And it’s making peace with that, that, it’s always going to be a work in progress, but that you will have the tools, like you just say, you will be equipped to be able to handle it. But it’s still you have to be aware and you have to be working on it. If you just want to be like, Okay, I’m done and not have to think about it, mastered it.

Amber Hawley 20:23
You know, if that makes you feel like, Oh, good, that I can kind of it won’t feel as heavy. But I think even in working through it, it becomes lighter, and lighter and lighter. So I just think that’s a really good point I think a lot of people are going to hear, they’re gonna get a lot of value out of hearing that you know that no matter how successful you are, these things still come up.

Maelissa Hall 20:45
And I think it’s, I mean, I love the example you had about, you know, your own self esteem and how you worked through that early on, and how much that helped you be able to build this career in this business that you have. And I think it’s important to look back and give ourselves credit for the stuff that we have worked through, right, and to acknowledge that and think about it. But I also wonder if you, Patrice would want to talk a little bit about who do you have around you, that supports you, but also challenges you because I think a lot of the stuff that you’re talking about is so much easier to do when you have people around you who you know, love you. And who can point those things out. Like I think about a couple months ago, Amber and I, you know, we’ve been in this group where every week, we’re like making these goals and everything. And a couple of months ago, she was like, you know, I noticed, she was like, I just want to tell you, I noticed all of your goals each week, they’re not, the smaller goals are not actually in alignment with what you said is your bigger goal. And I was like, I was not like you’re totally right, you know, and it was just this blind spot for me. But to have someone who can bring those type of things up is so, so helpful.

Patrice Washington 21:52
I have a couple different people. And I love that Amber brought that up for you. Because that’s how I believe in like designing my year, if you will, is creating the big vision for the year, but then breaking that down into quarterly goals, and then obviously weekly tasks to help me accomplish that. And whenever I see my tasks, not in alignment with what I said, I want it it’s a really great indication that I’m allowing myself to get busy but not productive on what I said matters to me. So I love that Amber but who holds me accountable. First and foremost, you know, my biggest accountability partner is my daughter. My 11 year old daughter is a thug. She is a thug. She’s very aware, very mature, very poised and compassionate. So she knows how to say that doesn’t look right or sound right without really hurting your feelings too much, although

Amber Hawley 22:48
it’s a skill.

Patrice Washington 22:49
Yeah, she said some things in the past like, oh, did they do that back in your day. So you know, we’re working on those feel like I was born in 1881. When she’s aware, and we keep our goals on big posted, a lot of times we have a hanging up so she knows what our family goals are. And she also is very aware, whenever I’m launching something or doing something new, she’s aware, she’s just in the mix, we talk a lot. And so when she doesn’t see me doing something in particular, or, for example, I’ve been doing this fitness bootcamp, or I’m challenging myself with these two day workouts and a certain meal plan. And the goal is to lose three to 5% body fat. And she’s like, first of all, she’s like, Mom, why are you doing this? And I told her, it was more like for the discipline to see if I could color by numbers and just freakin follow something from beginning to end, right? Because I’m very, you know, as an entrepreneur, and as someone who has pretty much been an entrepreneur my entire life, I’m very do what I want to do and go in the way that I want to go. So it’s very easy for me to veer off the path and still, you know, make it seem or feel like my way was the best way. And it’s like, ma’am, follow a system once in your life, just try. And so I was explaining that to her that for me, it was about exercising discipline, and having accountability at the gym and with the coaches that you check in with and all this stuff. And so right before we were getting started, she knew what the fruitless was and stuff. And I was thinking to myself, well, we’re starting tomorrow, I’m gonna go ahead and get my cheat day out. Now, there’s no cheat days on the plan. I was like, I’m gonna be doing this hardcore for 42 days. So definitely going to Roscoe is the day before.

Maelissa Hall 24:26
I mean, why every single person listening.

Amber Hawley 24:32
I’ve never done that. I’m like,

Patrice Washington 24:35
Oh, we’re pulling up and she’s like, is this wise? I’m like, It’s the day. I mean, I haven’t she’s like, but you started your day. I’m like, No, I bought all the materials to start. I don’t start till Monday, but I just love that. You know, she’s so innocent about it. And it’s just like, if you say something, Mom, I believe that once you say it, that’s what you’re gonna do. So I’m expecting a follow through. And you know, when she was lit, I will tell my husband don’t promise her that we’re going somewhere because if you change your mind, she’ll never let it go. But she’s the same now, even with, you know, the bigger goals or different things. She’ll say, like, does that really? Is that going to help us get to that? Or like, did we forget? And so she’s my number one, my husband, I would like him to be number two, but I’m gonna tell you why he can’t be. He can’t be because he loves me too much. I don’t know that my daughter loves me as much. No, I’m kidding. But she doesn’t have an awareness of this, but my husband will give me a pass. Babe, you’re right, you’re tired. And so I don’t necessarily always agree with your significant other being your biggest accountability partner, because they love you, and they want you to be happy. And so if you make up a good enough story, they’re gonna let you slide. And they’re gonna be like, Yeah, I want to accept your story. Because when I tell you mine, I want you to show me grace with my story, you know, and so I don’t necessarily, he’s my biggest supporter and encourage her, but I don’t look to Him for that level of accountability, because I know he’ll let me off the hook. But I do have a tribe of women, we call ourselves the legendary collective, and it’s a group of seven, also female entrepreneurs. And we encourage each other, we talk bi weekly, we set goals, and just encourage each other in a group chat. And the same thing will check in on each other if that social media is not in alignment with what you said was the priority will be like what happened in promoting your course, what happened, where to go, like what’s going on with doing your whatever I thought we said, we were launching this, you know, and then we meet in person stateside once a year, something we’re going towards twice a year, and then we meet internationally for seven days, in the summer, every summer and kind of talk about what the next year looks like and stuff. And so I actually have quite a few different accountability metrics in place. I just kind of keep people all around in different areas, you know, I have the coaches at the gym, who will be like, Oh, I can tell you didn’t follow what you were supposed to do. We’ve been traveling or you know, like, you know, and I love it. That’s why I chose a small gym because I don’t want to be a number. You know, I want people to literally be like, Hey, I haven’t seen you what’s going on? Or let’s catch up, what have you been doing? What’s been working, what hasn’t been working. And I do that in all areas. I’ve gotten coaching in different areas of my life. If it’s not counseling, it’s some form of coaching. So for everything in my business, I’ve had a media coach, I’ve had a speaking coach, I’ve had a writing coach, I had a podcast coach, like I am super, you know, I’m coachable. I know that if left up to my own devices, the perfectionist in me would go in circles trying to be perfect and never making progress. And so I really believe in having accountability. And people knowing that I said, I’m going to do something, I don’t like to keep my goals a secret, because I can change that due date, anytime I feel like it. And if I say it out loud, then it’s weird. I feel like I have a greater responsibility to do it once someone else knows, then just even the responsibility to myself.

Amber Hawley 28:04
Yes, I love that. And I think that stands true for so many people. And I agree. I think as far as like talking about the spouse thing, there’s a dynamic, you know, sometimes that is people’s number one accountability person. And it really depends on the dynamic of your relationship and personalities. For some people, I do hear that a lot. It’s like their partner loves them and wants them to be happy. And so they’re not going to challenge them that way. And also what I hear is, hey, I don’t want you to be mad at me when I’m the bad guy, you know, quote, unquote, and tell and like pointing out your discrepancy or hypocrisy or whatever is going on. And they don’t want that pressure on the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that your partner is not an awesome supporter, because that’s a very different role, like to be the cheerleader is not to be the coach. And so the person I love that your daughter does that. She sounds amazing. And I think there is something about the innocence of children when they say things, right? It’s just like, wait, what’s going on here? Like you’re just the heart? i Oh, I know, it can be a little soul crushing. I have one of those too

Maelissa Hall 29:12
few of those. But yeah, I do. I think it also speaks to though, like for that to be set up how much you’re sharing with her and how much you’re communicating with her about what you’re doing. And the fact that you have told her what your family goals are and like, like my parents were amazing, but we didn’t have any like family goals. Like I didn’t know what the track was, you know, like you’re just kind of guessing. So it’s really, really awesome. I think it shows how much work you’re putting into,

Patrice Washington 29:40
you know, we downsize recently and I know you heard that podcast episode The blessing of downsizing. And so we shared with her what the goals were like why we were downsizing why we were leaving a 6500 square foot house to move into a 2000 square foot apartment. Especially because you know how Kids are so our house was like party house. And so you know, we moved in May. And people used to come in our house, June, July in August there every month, there’s a party and some huge thing going on in our backyard. And we told her why we were doing it and what the bigger goal was because we knew that when people started asking her like, when’s the party are like, what are we doing? And she would say, have to say, Oh, well, we move that I didn’t want her to feel like that was a bad thing. Or you because she’s heard our story of losing so much in the recession. And she was a baby. So she doesn’t remember any of that. But she’s heard me tell the story over and over again, from the stage on interviews, and I didn’t want her to assume that, oh, my gosh, we must be losing everything again. Or we might, you know, I wanted her to know that this was a very proactive decision, not a reactive thing. And so we sat down with her, we talked to her about what our vision was a part of the vision was, first of all about just realizing that once we rebuilt our lives, and thought that we were doing it to get back to this certain status or place, that once we had it, we realized we didn’t really want it that it wasn’t a need. It wasn’t, you know, it was 4000 extra square feet to clean or hire someone to clean. That’s what I would look at. Yes, like, I had seven bathrooms who wants to clean seven toilets, not I. And even though I had people, you know, support, that wasn’t the point it was like, Is this really necessary for where we want to go. And so we started to explain that to her, which I think was the best because also as a financial person, I want to make sure that she’s clear that money doesn’t define or these material possessions doesn’t define, you know, what you have the capacity to do or not do. And so our vision was to purchase investment property. And we showed her the building that we were buying, not physically but showed her pictures. And you know, we’re trading in this house so that we know we can live comfortably. But we’re going to buy these 20 units so that we can create great housing and a nice affordable place for other people. And she got really pumped up about that. And so I said that to say One day we were driving, and she told me that she really likes that we involve her in our decisions. And in our conversations, because she has a friend who up and moved at the end of the year and didn’t know that they were moving. Like they found out like a week or so before school got out that they were moving that summer. Now we’re moving next year. So our goal was to downsize, be here for a year buy the properties we want to buy, we’re actually in escrow on our third one. So there’s a 20 unit, a 27 unit and a 43 unit that we’re buying all in the same area. And so we’re moving back to Georgia next year. But my daughter knows that. So she’s known this entire school year, and she’s preparing and told a few of her friends and she’s gonna have extra sleepovers and all this stuff and make sure that whatever she wants to see for her own life, because she has a right to that this is her life, she has a right to plan what her next year looks like so that she can feel like she gets the most out of it, not to say she won’t be sad to leave her friends or have any of those emotions, but she’ll get what she wants to get out of this experience. So she’s playing every sport she wants to play. She’s talking to her favorite teachers, you know, and going to hang out with them and helping them and she’s only been in school three weeks, but she’s been so intentional about I’m going to design this to look like whatever I want. And I think that if I leave her nothing else, if I leave her no material possessions or no money, you know, I’m leaving her with the sense of she gets the right to plan and design her life and be an active participant and not someone who’s always reactive and waiting on the sidelines. And that makes me really happy as a mom,

Amber Hawley 33:46
I think that’s fantastic. And you’re giving her the ability to process and like go through the year and know and work through all of those feelings as opposed to like, Oh, here you go, this is what’s happening. And just deal with it. And I think giving her that opportunity for closure. And like you said making this year really count for her. I think that’s fantastic. So very exciting.

Maelissa Hall 34:10
And the why behind it to like hype it up. Yeah, it’s not like this. Oh, we have to move. It’s like, hey, we get to move because we are doing this super exciting thing.

Amber Hawley 34:20
Yeah, I think it’s interesting. We’ve been contemplating moving as well. We have not decided there is no final like we may never move because we have a good support network. And but we’ve been contemplating and my daughter at first was like no, because she’s eight and a half. And that all of a sudden we were looking at homes in like Asheville, North Carolina, and she’s like, I want my bedroom on the second floor. So it’s just like, again, giving space and again, we may never move but allowing them to be a part of the process I think is huge. So I like that wonderful. It sounds like so beyond your daughter. You have this great group of women. That kind of inner circle that We would call it people to work. I love it. I love it,

Patrice Washington 35:04
our and we got together because we all felt alone in our respective industries. Like we’re not in the same industries, we’re just all, you know, female entrepreneurs. But we all felt this alone on an island type of feeling. And then you know how it is like, once you get to a certain place, you don’t feel like you can be real, like you don’t feel like you can just let your hair down and just say like, you know what, I’m not feeling this today, or I want to start over. And I think being in that group for the last two and a half years now, it’s also a gave me permission to pivot from my original platform, which was real money answers and very personal finance, specific to embracing redefining wealth, because for me, it was creating a space that I didn’t necessarily know how other people were going to receive it. Because I was getting outside of my money box. Little perfect, neatly packed box that got invited on Dr. Oz and Steve Harvey Show and all these, you know, and Fox and all these different stations over and over again, you know, it was not, I’m a personal finance expert, am I supposed to be talking about mental health? Or am I supposed to be talking about physical fitness? Or am I supposed to be talking about clutter, and the you know, your space or faith and all these things, but having that support system and being able to say, but being in this box is killing me, and having other women affirm that and say, then that means it’s time to crawl out, and it’s okay, and the people who are supposed to receive the message are going to receive it, and those that feel some kind of way about it screw up. And my husband could have told me that which he did, but still sounded much better coming from a group of women who I admire and adore and who are successful in their own rights and who also have had to make some of those difficult decisions at one point or another to pivot and to, you know, head in a different direction and do something that’s scary, doesn’t matter how much success you’ve had, anytime your audience or your clients or customers are going to hear or see something different or experience something different from you. And you know, that hasn’t been the norm. It’s scary. It’s like, you know, you do wonder, and I told you about my esteem problems as a kid. So you know, you do wonder, are they going to come out to play? are they wanting something that they’ll want to receive from me, like they’ve been used to this. And so having that support system was really, really important for me. And as we continue to have our trips and our calls, and I keep flushing out different layers of where I see myself going, it’s really good to have that like you did for Melissa, come back, have them come back and say, Well, I know you’re saying this now. But what happened to what you said in January? Like, is that still a thing? How do you see this tying in, and just making sure that it’s kind of always in alignment with the original thing, because sometimes we have great ideas, not necessarily in alignment for this season. Some things might just need to be put on the backburner for another time. You know, they’re not the main thing, but we’re giving it main thing attention. And so I love having that. I love having that. And my husband does. He does that too. But again, you know, people always do your laundry, I can’t always listen.

Amber Hawley 38:23
Which is so true. When I have couples come in, I’ll say something. And the partner will be like, Oh, yeah. And the other person will say, I’ve been saying that for three years. I’m like, well, it always sounds better coming from a neutral party. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Awesome. Thank you so much, Patrice, for coming on. And I think our listeners are gonna find a lot of value in this. And you know, there’s so much about the mindset and kind of your approach to things, but also, you know, the value of that structure of those people within your support system, and your willingness to be open to it, I think is huge.

Patrice Washington 39:02
Yeah. And it takes time. Yeah, it takes time. It’s not an overnight thing. Because I think it you have to build up that level of trust. And so you start giving little pieces, and then you see how people handle it. And then you can give more and more and more. So I don’t want anyone to think that it’s an overnight thing. It’s definitely a process. Yeah, yeah.

Amber Hawley 39:24
As I like to quote I think I’ve quoted before on the podcast Brene Brown talks about this. And she’s a she’s a shame researcher and really amazing person, but she talks about, you’re putting marbles in a jar and so you share one marble at a time and decide is this person worthy of Me continuing to be vulnerable and put that in and it does take time, which is frustrating when you’re feeling like you need support right now. But then when you look back and you say, Oh, wow, look what’s been built, look at this relationship or look at where I am now. Because I put one marble at a time in there,

Patrice Washington 39:59
you know, I has helped me to, though. I love that you said that because when you’re feeling like, but I need support right now, I think the thing that’s helped me most is supporting other people, like in the midst of feeling like I need support right now is giving whatever I do have whatever I do know whenever I do feel certain about to other people who need support, because sometimes, I think it’s really amazing how this happens. But sometimes you’ll hear yourself, you’ll hear yourself supporting someone else, or you know, being that listening ear or giving some nugget of wisdom, if you will. And then you’re like, oh, shoot, I needed that. So then you kind of circle back and become your own support, because I think that the support is always available. And I think that we 95% of the time I’m making that up. That’s nothing scientific. But so often we have what we need, but our stories are blocking us from receiving it from ourselves to like, we already know the answer a lot of times, but I find that when I’m telling other people the answer is the refresher for me. Yes, yeah.

Maelissa Hall 41:07

Amber Hawley 41:08
Yes, that is exactly why I continue to do therapy. Because of when I help my people. I’m like, oh, yeah, that’s me.

Patrice Washington 41:19
yourself, to see yourself in it. Yeah.

Amber Hawley 41:21
Yes. Thanks again for being with us. I feel like this is like I said, very valuable. Where can people go to find you and check out more of your amazingness

Patrice Washington 41:31
come find me. I want to be found at Patricewashington.com. That’s Patricewashington.com. And I interact quite a bit in social media, mostly on Twitter and Instagram. And that’s seekwisdomPCW seekwisdomPCW.

Amber Hawley 41:47
nice and for because these are podcast listeners, of course, the redefining wealth podcast and it is amazing, wonderful stuff there.

Patrice Washington 41:54
Thank you so much. It’s my pride and joy. It’s my baby right now. The little podcast that almost didn’t happen.

Maelissa Hall 42:01
We’re glad it did.

Amber Hawley 42:02
Yes, we are so glad. And so while you’re over there looking for redefining wealth, head on over to my biz bestie and subscribe if you haven’t already done so. And let us know share the love. Give us a review people. It’s what keeps us going and lets other people find us.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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