Embracing Authenticity: Kierra Jones on the Power of Being Different

Transcription

00:00:02     

That's the part we were missing. I swear it said that, though. I swear I remember her saying that. Okay. Oh, man.

00:00:11

All right. Welcome, Kierrara, to the podcast. Thank you. And I'm happy to be here. We just had a little snafu because we started recording, and then I had just talked about how there's an Adderall shortage and little details get missed by me because I don't have my Adderall.

00:00:31

And then as we're talking, I see this little red arrow on my zoom thing, and I'm like, oh, it's not recording, bastards. So my apologies.

00:00:46

And it sucks because I felt like I was really excited about some of the stuff that you had said. Because I said what I was really happy about is I love meeting people who I've never met before. Never. Talked to and having them on the podcast because I get a chance to learn all about you just as the listeners get to learn all about you and the work that you do. Yes.

00:01:08

And then my response was, we're recreating. The whole thing for you guys. But I do want to just acknowledge this is a beautiful thing, right? As a distracted entrepreneur, it's like, how many times does your kid come in? How many times is your partner like, my partner's home today.

00:01:22

And I text him like, he's usually not home, right? But there's like a huge social norm, so he's working from home downstairs. So I'm just like, podcast interview. That way he knows, don't come in my office. Don't talk to me.

00:01:32

Don't make noise. He can make noise, but you know what I mean. So I think it's beautiful that there's so many things in life that can happen, but we can represent. Like, listen, I have a friend who says little deal. It's not a big deal.

00:01:44

It's a little deal. And it's easy. We were only two minutes in, so we can just tell you what we said and keep going. And that's the entrepreneur life. So what a beautiful example.

00:01:52

And it's still going to be an amazing ass episode. Oh, yeah. We didn't even get to the good stuff. I just thought it was an interesting flow. This is where my ADHD brain will get stuck because I'm like, no, but I loved how you said that.

00:02:05

And then I'm like, but that was the best. And so sometimes we can get stuck on things and they really aren't a big deal. They don't matter in the grand scheme. We didn't even get into the amazingness that you're going to be bringing to the show today. Just that intro part.

00:02:21

I will say it, though, because not I think I know in the visibility mindset works I do is so important. So basically when she shared how she loves just kind of meeting people that she has never met, I made a comment that is so cool because I remember as a child in my family, it was always like, you're different, you're weird, you're this or that. And so I didn't feel like I fit in all the time. And so a lot of times when it came to becoming an entrepreneur and meeting people online, I have best friends I talk to literally every day that I've personally met. I have some that I've never met before.

00:02:53

And so just like watching how much I feel like I fit in. And so even though you and I were chatting a few minutes ago before we started this, so it's like I don't know you, but I know you because we just feel this vibe and this connection and you just feel like you have a place. So I'm sure we'll talk more about that because it is definitely connected with Visibility. But that was what I had shared. And what I love when I get to connect with other amazing podcast hosts and different show hosts is that we just get to find something that we vibe and connect on and it's really beautiful.

00:03:25

And sometimes I feel like I know my entrepreneur online friends more than I know the people that have been around me every day or in my life. No, it's true. And it really is related, I think, to visibility, because I think so many people that I know, especially neurodivergent people, my neurospicy people, there is this sense of kind of being on the outside of things, even if from the outside perspective. People assume, like, oh, you have all these people in your life and friends and connections, but you feel internally. You feel like you don't exactly fit in because your brain works differently or you think about things differently, or you perceive the world differently.

00:04:06

And so it is so validating when you meet people. And you're right, it's a vibe thing. That was part of what made me even reach out to you in the first place. I saw some stuff you were posting about a summit you were doing and I was like, I loved the vibe. I loved the way you were talking about things and the way you were coming at this whole sales and visibility and business building thing.

00:04:32

And so I thought, oh, I need to reach out and have her on the podcast. I know, it's so wonderful when you find your people, right? Yes, it is. I love that and it's so interesting, right? Because we talk about visibility, right?

00:04:48

And so for me, I believe that with visibility there's like a mindset part of it and then there is a strategy part. So the strategy is like, what am I talking about? Who am I talking to? What am I selling when I'm visible? What am I saying?

00:05:00

Right? And then there is this mindset part that's like, do I even get to give myself permission to be seen and to be heard? So when you talk about the piece of feeling like you're on the outside or trying to fit in or just that you think different. It's so incredible, because the question I always give is, well, what if we all thought the same? What if we all did the same thing?

00:05:20

What if we all took the same action? What if we all did everything in the same way? The world would literally be full of robots. It would be boring as hell. So there is value in the different, right?

00:05:33

There's value in it. There's value. And even when I think about my partner in our home, I forgot what it was that we were doing. Oh, I make sides really well. And he does like meat really well.

00:05:46

He does not do very well at sides. Okay. Just like, for me, I do okay with salmon and certain things, but, like steak, let him do it. So it's like, oh, great. That's the balance.

00:05:58

Like, you do this well, I do this well, and when we bring them together, it makes a complete meal. You can't just have the sides, or you can't just have I mean, you can, but who just wants the sides? Whatever. So basically, just understanding that there's value in being different and understanding not how different am I from this space, but actually, well, what can I contribute to this space that other people wouldn't see? I think, in a way, I'm a very deep thinker.

00:06:24

When I was, like, seven years old, my uncle, he would tell me, you need to be a journalist, or you need to be Oprah or a lawyer. That's what he would say. Because he was like, you ask a lot of questions. You're kind of nosy. And it's like, well, now I realize I wasn't actually nosy.

00:06:39

I was a deep thinker. I cared about, well, why do you do that? What does that mean? Well, how does that feel when you do that? I didn't know why I tell people I've been coaching since I was seven.

00:06:50

I just didn't know it. So there's so many layers to this, but if we could remove that shame that we carry around the different, we could get so much further and just focus on, well, what's the unique parts that I contribute. So Amber's being in her shine, I'm being in my shine, and together, we're just, like, lighting the room up even more powerfully versus somebody has to dim their light, or somebody has to hold back and all the things. And it's not outshining you can't outshine each other. We're shining together, but we're shining in our own unique way that makes the room even more powerful.

00:07:26

I love all of that. I mean, there's so much to it because you're talking about those symbiotic relationships and you said one of my favorite things when I think about when impostor syndrome comes up, which for so many people, there's a lot of research around, especially for women with ADHD. That impostor syndrome is like we're talking very learned, successful people, and they actually have it more than most. Right? It's a big thing.

00:07:56

And that part about Denise Duffield Thomas talks about, I'm just a contributor, so I'm contributing to the conversation. I don't have to know everything. I don't have to be the only way, but I'm going to contribute. And so I love that you mentioned that, because I do think that that's part of making it not so scary to say and not this idea that somehow you have to know all the things, right? I feel like so if we bring sales into this, that comes up so much for women.

00:08:26

So there's two things I'm going to say. One, well, three, I love Denise, so love her so much. And the other part is when we talk about contributing, right? So a lot of times what happens from a sales perspective when we create our programs and we're putting them out, especially as thought leaders influencers, we're monetizing our intellect, we're speakers, authors, et cetera, right. So you're making money off of this knowledge and this expertise that you have, and at some point we're wondering, is it enough?

00:08:53

Should I charge this much? Am I charging too much? Should I go after this? I have a client going after this $4 million grant, and it's like, okay, well, am I allowed to go for this? Am I allowed to do this?

00:09:05

So we have these questions that come up, and it's like, do we understand that we get to expand and evolve? Because if we understood that I'm contributing and every single time I expand and evolve, there's more I can contribute. I can contribute things to this conversation with you today, Amber, that I would not be able to contribute two years ago, that I wouldn't be able to contribute five years ago. And so understanding, listen, what I have today is enough. I can use what I have today for XYZ, offer, the speaking gig.

00:09:35

I have whatever. So sometimes when that imposter energy comes up, it's kind of this idea that, like you said, we have to know everything, but it's like we are never going to know everything. My grandma, there's some real, like, a reel that I saw, and I don't know if you've seen. What is her name? From Princess Bride.

00:09:58

The actress from oh, Robin Wright penn. No, Princess Bride. She was actually the or princess Diaries. I'm sorry. Oh, okay.

00:10:08

I was like, I'm pretty sure it was wrong. Movie Princess Diaries. She played Catwoman. Oh, yeah, it's Anne Hathaway. Thank you.

00:10:18

Anne Hathaway. So she did like that there's a video of her where she takes the cupcake and she, like, cuts it in half so that she puts it on top of the icing. That's how I eat mine. Yeah. So there was this video of this grandmother.

00:10:28

It was her nintieth birthday party, and her granddaughter did it for her. And the grandmother said, 90 years and I'm still learning stuff. And literally, that is the image of us as experts, right? Like, we are going to keep learning stuff until the day that we are no longer physically on this planet. So if we just embrace them and just understand, hey, listen, even in my spaces, I like to talk about how I'm co creating with my clients, whether it's my membership, my mastermind in a circle, we are co creating.

00:10:56

I am not the only one who's the only entrepreneur in the room. All of you are. All of you are incredible. So really embracing that contribution part, but then also understanding, I'm going to continue to learn and grow and expand and become better. The only other thing I wanted to say so you heard me call it imposter energy.

00:11:14

So this is something that I share with all my clients. I'm going to give this nugget because it really did change a lot for me. We talk about how women are the species on the planet who has the most imposter syndrome, right? Like you just mentioned that right. And it's so unfortunate.

00:11:31

In my opinion, when we put the word syndrome with it, it's like a diagnosis. This is who you are. This is your identity, like a syndrome. So for me, I actually invite my clients to refer to it as imposter energy, because what we know is that energy shifts and it moves. So I can have imposter energy in this moment, right?

00:11:54

But that doesn't define who I am. That's not my identity. I don't need to take that on as if this is like, on my medical card. Like, this is who I am. So I always just like to invite them to change.

00:12:05

And if you're listening, I want to invite you to do that too. Like, okay, is this actually just a moment of imposter energy? Because I know this energy can be shifted. Like, once I come into Oop, I'm just contributing. I'm expanding and evolving.

00:12:18

Where am I at today? What do I have to contribute today? And do I trust and know that that's enough and then I'm going to have more later, but this is enough for me to get started with right now. So it's energy not really like a full on syndrome. I love that on so many levels.

00:12:32

And I will say as a licensed therapist, there's that part of us or there's that part of me that's like, I have a lot of education and experience that allows me to help people in a way that somebody else couldn't because they don't have that on a deeper level. Yeah, deeper knowledge. However, this is something I have been talking about lately and even mentioned yesterday, I was like, sometimes I can get stuck. Sometimes I can get stuck because I'm so used to helping people with their quote unquote problems that we can use that kind of language that feels this is something you're stuck with, as opposed, like the word syndrome, like you're saying. So I appreciate that because there is that balance of sometimes having our diagnosis as an ADHD person is very freeing.

00:13:27

For some people, it is the most freeing thing. And sometimes, like you're saying those other things that are transient that aren't permanent, if we use that language, it can feel very limiting. So I absolutely adore that. I'm going to start trying to remember to always use that. But sometimes I say you get so in your patterns of things, but I think the words we use matter.

00:13:55

So I absolutely adore the idea of impostor energy. I'm going to start using that. Thank you. You're welcome. And I'm going to tell someone that a licensed therapist told me that I can start using that word even more.

00:14:09

As if you needed permission, but you go ahead. Yeah, you don't. But I love it. I love it. No, I think it's so great.

00:14:17

And it's so interesting because as we talk about the mindset stuff invisibility and I've been in business for myself for almost 13 years now. And it's so amazing because you think like, okay, you get to the certain point and you learn and you grow, and then it stops being a problem for you. Which is absolutely not true because I've seen it. And recently, what I'm seeing with people is as they're pivoting or they're trying to transition out of one type of work into another, like, for example, therapists who are transitioning more into the coaching realm, it's amazing how all of that stuff still comes right back up and we still are questioning and limiting our voices. And so every time I go to talk to somebody or I listen to someone on a podcast like you, who's talking about putting yourself out there and being more authentic, and I go to these events and I will talk about, this is my takeaway.

00:15:16

And sometimes I'm like, this feels trite. Like, you should already know that your unique voice is important and special. And I've heard this over and over, but I feel that it solidifies on a deeper level for me every time because it's one of those things that I think it's one of those ongoing push and pulls right within us. Yeah, I love that you said that. So there's a mindset portion of this, right?

00:15:43

And then for me, there is also, like, a strategy part, which for me tends to, for my clients, be messaging. So I always tell them, the messaging that you had today, like, day one. So you 13 years ago, the message Amber had year one is totally different than the message that she had year 13. For me, eight years full time, and however many before I was full time, year one versus year eight, it's a different message. And so if we come back to that concept of expanding and evolving, because I live and I experience and I learn from myself and clients and in my work and then just in life, my message is going to keep evolving.

00:16:18

So for me, it's taking on that concept of understanding that it's always going to be forever changing. And so because of that, from a mindset perspective, there's also going to be different new triggers that come up and the same triggers that come up. Because we've heard the saying before, especially because we were talking about Denise earlier, she's always saying new level, new devil, right? So it's this idea of, well, maybe I haven't actually done the work that I needed to fully do on that thing because it continues to come up. And I know sometimes it's very annoying.

00:16:49

It's like, why do I keep working on this same thing? Right now, I actually am focusing on one of my memberships. And so one of the things that I talk about in there because it's mindset focus, is these are things I've done. If I look at my first five K, if I look at my 1st 50,000, if I look at my 1st 500,000, there are things I can see that were the same trigger, the same work that I needed to do, but it was different levels of it. And so it's like I could carry shame and guilt and be like, well, why I invested in this before?

00:17:20

I thought I dealt with this, I could be upset and pissed off with myself. I'm human, we're human. So I'm going to have a little bit of that and then I go to, okay, but wait, so what is trying to present itself here? Because last time I saw it in this light is there a new light that I need to see this in? It's basically like just hitting it deeper.

00:17:39

It's like every single time it comes back up, we can just dig deeper. We can dig deeper. We can dig deeper. Because who I was when it came up the first time is not who I am now. So now I have different tools.

00:17:49

I know different people. I've been in different spaces for support. I'm just a different version of me. So now I'm going to approach that same exact thing a little different and just like, honoring that. So I love that you talk about we expand and we grow and things are going to I'm just I'm in this space, Amber.

00:18:08

Just in my life, I feel like I have fought things so much. And when I stop fighting the things and I just let them not just letting them happen, like, I'm just sitting back like a fish. But when I surrender and I tap into, okay, what part of this am I in control of? And let me do that part. But then there comes a point where I'm not in control anymore with my partner.

00:18:31

There's a point where this is another human being. I'm not in control of this anymore. There's a point with my weight loss journey where it's like, listen, I've done the thing, I've eaten what I need to eat. I've worked out, I've done my part, and I don't know why my body is retaining this water weight or whatever. Then next week up, I find out my period is coming up.

00:18:50

So that's why your body was retaining the water. But again, let me go on the treadmill 5000 times. No. There's nature still happening. So there's some parts that we are not in control over, that we sit and go crazy about.

00:19:04

And it's just like, did I do my part? If I did my part, I'm good. Now let me just let what's going to happen, happen, and then my part will come back for me to respond and react different, et cetera, et cetera. So letting that be okay, I feel like is the hardest thing as the entrepreneur. Because we're like, no, but it's supposed to be like this.

00:19:25

I laid out this plan and this spreadsheet and this launch plan, and then we get so upset when it doesn't happen, the thing. And there's so many times, especially with launching, where I'll be launching something and I'll have people come to me for something else and it's like, well, what's that? I want you to come over here. And it's like so am I about to tell no to you, money? Although you're coming into an offer that I do love.

00:19:45

But I'm not focused on that offer right now. I'm focused on this offer. So money, I only want you to come for this offer. And then I was like, no, Money, I want you to come because here's what I want to do with you. So money, come to me.

00:19:56

As long as you're an alliance as fuck client and you're coming through into an offer that I like delivering and I enjoy, I'm good. So you can come into this or you can come into this. I want the money because this is what I want to do. I want to create impact, I want to work with you, et cetera, et cetera. So we try to dictate so much and it's like some of this is like, calm down, SIS bro, just calm down.

00:20:18

Let go of control, surrender a little bit, do your part. I didn't say just sit there and twiddle your thumbs. Do your part, but just recognize when it's like, okay, I've done my part. Let me allow this to work. I feel like we could talk.

00:20:32

It should be like a four hour thing because everything you say is sparking so much of the conversations I've been having lately. And I'm guessing it's because of the stage of business that we're in and things that we're seeing and dealing with. But it's so true. I just had a launch for my big signature program that I see as the future of my business, the mainstay of my business, and I did it in January. And I had another friend who had a big launch as well, and it was the same thing of like, when you put yourself out there, the visibility is out there.

00:21:06

People were coming in, but they were wanting this other thing. And I'm like, but no, this is the thing that will change your life. Like, I know it will be, but then you're like, okay, fine, I'll take you in. Because again, it was still something I'm offering. It's still something I do and I love.

00:21:20

But it's so funny because then there was a point in which I feel like, oh, I only did this much in this particular offer, so that was a failure. But if you don't look at it as the whole thing of, like, putting yourself out there in that way, still brought in all this other stuff on this side just because it wasn't for the exact thing that I had intentions for, right? So then there is this idea of accepting and noticing all of the stuff, all of the blessings, all of the ways in which the bigger picture is being met. And I've often said, I call it like tai chi, where it's like you're in flow, where you don't fight things. You kind of let them flow in and out, but you're still acting.

00:22:02

But I love the word surrender. That's so much better. That's like what I was trying to describe with my tai chi references all the time that never sometimes would not land and people wouldn't be understanding what I'm talking about. But it's true. It's about like, do what you can do and show up and do what you know to do, and then you surrender to the rest of it.

00:22:21

And I think as we have faith in ourselves more and we understand, like, we feel confident in our strategy, we feel confident in what our offers are and our knowledge base, that becomes easier and easier to do. Right? I'm going to put trust as we trust ourselves. Right? I talk all the time about I want aligned clients, I want aligned offers.

00:22:47

Therefore I make money in aligned ways. So, one, when people come for different things, if I know in my truth, well, there's three main offers for me that I have in my business, and sometimes I'll focus on one or two. But if I know that these offers are aligned, as long as you are aligned, then I will direct. We'll lead you into where you need to go. So to me, there's like, trusting that, and I agree with you, it's the stage of business that you're in, because I feel like the first couple of years in business, you're still trying to figure out your offers and who's your audience and what's your message and who are you and all these things.

00:23:25

And so that leads to a lack of trust. So then you feel like you need ten offers. You feel like you need I had 15 different offers at one time, and I made $50,000. All 14 of them sold, except one. I made $50,000 from these offers.

00:23:41

I went and did this study, like, a couple of years later, and I was like, okay, so I've made double this amount of money from two offers, and I realized I was making money from 14 out of 15 of them, but they weren't all aligned. And so I had a process that I went through and teach for that. But basically, it's like getting to this place where you are just in this space of deep trust with your gift, with your message and what you're here to say. And so you stop overthinking. Well, what's the offer I should put out?

00:24:09

What's the content? What's the launch plan? You stop overthinking, and you just allow yourself to trust as well where your people are going to be led to, to trust your message. And of course, then that will set you up for the strategy part of like, okay, well, I trust these things I'm talking about. So now that I know that works, yeah, now I'm going to put that into a funnel.

00:24:29

Now I'm going to run ads to that thing. Now I'm going to do all that. But I see so many people unfortunately, this is a whole nother conversation. They'll start with the strategy part, and they're like, oh, let me run ads on this, and let me build a funnel on this. And I see people building lead magnets, and I'm like, you don't have any clarity on any of that other stuff.

00:24:45

Here's what I like to tell people, two things. One, we cannot scale zero. We cannot scale zero. Zero times a million is still zero. So let's get some things going first, and then we'll have some things that we can amplify.

00:25:00

And then two, assess and amplify. So any of my clients who are already in business, the first, or at least in my mastermind circle, first thing I'm always doing is like, well, first we do an alignment, right? Because a lot of us are doing things out of alignment, and that's the cause of a lot of shit. Oh, absolutely. Once you get to alignment, now we can assess, okay, what do you have that's already working?

00:25:19

What feels right, what doesn't feel right? What are we going to hold on to? What are we going to keep? Okay, like, for me, here's, 15 offers. Well, one of them don't sell, so let's let that go.

00:25:27

So now we have 14. Okay, here are twelve other of the offers that you really don't need to offer. You're offering them because you want to be there for everyone. You want to have different levels. You want to have different price, but you want to be too much.

00:25:38

But instead of you just trust, here's my person, here's what I do to help them that no one else can freaking do. And here's how I'm going to show up for that, and I'm going to trust deeply in that. Oh, I can trust one offer or two offers. Max three? I don't like to go more than two or three just because that leads to other distractions and all the things.

00:25:56

But yeah, like, trust to me is the bigger part. And again, going back to this conversation about expand and evolve, I feel like I've said it a million times, just understand that trust is also going to expand and evolve. How I trust myself today is not how I trusted myself last year. And the last thing I'll say is I think too many times. So we're entrepreneurs, right?

00:26:16

That's what's connected us here. But we forget that we have a life, too. And I'm saying that to say so many things. We'll make examples of trust, right? For example, when I started to realize it's not just trust in my business, it's actually trust with my partner.

00:26:31

It's trust with myself. It's trust with my body, it's trust with my mom. So sometimes I feel like as entrepreneur, we're all about the clients, the money, the visibility, the sales. And sometimes we forget, like, there's life, too. And so I challenge my clients even when it comes to your sales mindset and expanding that.

00:26:49

I have recently lost 50 pounds, and so I am cleaning out my guest room closets, like, the room behind this room. And so I sold, like, 50 things on Poshmark, and it was so exciting. And I was telling my mastermind inner circle that because we were talking about sales confidence and mindset, and I wanted to give them an example that had nothing to do with me selling an offer. It wasn't my business. I was selling clothes and how fun it was.

00:27:12

I have fun when I sell.

00:27:16

It is beautiful for women to step into their power with selling and monetizing their gifts because it impacts the world and it impacts your life. And there's nothing more beautiful. I get to change your life. I'm impacting my life. Like, why is there shame with that?

00:27:28

That's a whole nother story. No more shame in sales. But anyway, it's like I wanted to give them an example that had nothing to do with business, because sometimes we forget there's life outside of business. So I was just using this example of how I was selling clothes on Poshmark and how it felt. And if you really sat and look at it in the way that I was doing it, it's the same as selling.

00:27:46

In my business, there's no difference. I'm making money. I'm making money off of something I'm exchanging with someone else from value. The difference is, and this is what we got into, oh, it's closed. So it's not me.

00:27:58

The difference is, in my business, I'm selling me. I'm selling my message. So am I worthy of monetizing me? Kierra? I know that I could monetize this bottle.

00:28:06

I know I could monetize this cute top, this beautiful coat, some stuff I didn't want to get rid of, but I couldn't fit anymore. So just helping them connect those dots of like, it's not actually selling. That's the issue. It's you being okay with the fact that you get to fucking make money leveraging your gifts and your genius that you're incredible at. And they come easy.

00:28:27

So now you have shame about the fact that they come super easy. It takes me ten minutes. I can just ramble out messaging to someone and they're like, how did you do that? Actually, last night I was doing this workshop and we did hot seat coaching, and each person gets ten minutes. And they're like, how do you do this in ten minutes for one person?

00:28:43

And it's just like, this is just my gift. It whatever. I don't know. I don't know, but I don't question it anymore. And so it's like, those things come easy.

00:28:50

So, okay, should you not send me my four figure check? Because I just did ten minutes with each person. No, I still need my four figure check. Thank you very much. Send me my money for doing this workshop for you.

00:28:59

So that's really the difference. So to be able to go outside of business and go into life and see where are these same things I'm working on in my business but happening in my life. For me, I had an issue with allowing team support. Then I realized, wait, I do that at home too. I'll try to do everything with Mike.

00:29:17

So realizing in our lives these issues so that we can stop blaming our business for them and start understanding these are a part of who we are. And if we work on these things with therapy work, like work that you do, and counseling and mindset, coaching, all those things, if we focus on them from that deeper level outside of our business, but we see where they at in my core, that is going to fix it. So then it becomes less of a thing in our business, because we're not just doing it for our business. We understand, this is how I'm doing things in life, because everything is connected. Oh, my God, you just blew my mind as you talked about those one.

00:29:57

Yes. I love when people look at the patterns that you have in your business you have in your life, usually, right. Like, I know, what is it Suzanne Evans who says, the way you do anything, the way you do everything now, I don't fully agree with that because there's a lot of psychology to say there are exceptions. And you are right, though, that there are themes in our life, like not accepting help, not feeling like it has to be harder, feeling like you have to work to prove your worth. But the piece you said about selling the clothes, I have always, always considered myself somebody who I love sales.

00:30:37

Like, I was in retail when I was young, and even though I was making bupkis, working at it was like The Limited or something. God, what was it? It was the Limited. Yeah. And I would always be like their top salesperson.

00:30:49

And if there was something like, oh, whoever has the top sales for today gets these pair of jeans or this jacket or something, I was going to win. Because there was no way no one was going to outsell me. And I loved it and I had fun. And even I worked at glamour shops and I would bring people in. I was in the hallway bringing people in and I had fun.

00:31:08

And even selling my daughter's Girl Scout cookies, we always sold out immediately because I enjoyed it and had fun. And then you bring me into my business. And in the therapy world, I was able to get my first business, my brick and mortar, to a point where we had built something so well and the reputation and everything that was coming in. So it was basically like people were coming to us. Like the door was open and you came to us, but then you transition.

00:31:40

And I started doing this other type of work, the business consulting and all this other stuff. And then it's like having to rebuild all that. And I'm like, Fuck, I hate sales. And I'm like because it wasn't fun. Because it was personal.

00:31:53

Right? You just nailed that for me. I remember that even when I was selling at Glamour Shots, I remember my manager saying, they're not rejecting you, they're rejecting the service. And so never taking it personally. But when you're selling your own thought leadership, it's very hard not to take that personally.

00:32:12

So then it goes from being like this fun thing to being serious. And that's where all of that energy and all of that joy and the ease leaves. Because it's like, this is a big fucking deal. Like, if I don't sell, that means I'm not good enough. Yeah, when you just said, first of all, I'm so grateful that spoke to you.

00:32:33

And every time I reference that, it always is so helpful and even for me to just revisit for myself too, what you just said about selling, when you transition into business and it's like, selling isn't fun. So then it's like, oh, well, then how do I make it fun? But there's something to me that comes up with a lot of women that I work with. I'm like, do I get to make it fun? We're so used to seeing men in business and be the CEO and all the things.

00:33:05

And there is this level of like, well, I have to be serious. I have to be like this to run my business. And it's like, no, we can have this podcast and we can say whatever the fuck, however many explicit words we want to say. Because she gave me it. She said I could say it.

00:33:20

Or if I want to dress I have a sexy crop top on. No one can see it, but I know because I'm not dressing for you, I'm dressing for me. And this was a shirt I wanted to wear. It felt really fun. What else?

00:33:32

It's just like, do we give ourselves permission that I have this exercise I go through? Who are you in business for? Am I in business to run my business the way that I've seen my past managers run, who happen to actually mostly be white men. Am I in business to run business like them? And many of them always older, and some of them have grandkids.

00:33:54

Like, do I want to run my business like them? But they go have fun. They go to Goth and they make a bunch of business deals on the Goth deal, they go out at the end of the day, especially when I used to work in sales and consulting. They go out and have dinner at the end of the day and all that. So it's like they look for ways to have fun.

00:34:11

So why do I have shame about having fun? Oh, because as a woman, I need people to think that I'm working hard. I need people to think that I'm serious. I need people to take me serious. I need people to know that I know I'm a boss, I know what I'm doing.

00:34:22

And so it's heartbreaking to just think about this idea that when you say sales was fun for you, and then you come into this and it's like, oh, wait. It's like immediately the switch of and it's nothing wrong. There's no shame that we need to have around it because society has set us up for this. Society has set us up for this and wanted us to show up this. But now we get to take back our power and our permission that, hey, who am I in business for?

00:34:51

I'm in business for me to feel fulfilled, whatever that is for you. Right. I go through this sales purpose exercise. Like, what is your purpose for selling? There is power that it's bringing to your life.

00:35:02

And when you said earlier about, who are they saying no to? They're saying no to the service. They're not saying no to the service. I'm going to challenge that. I'm going to take a step further.

00:35:12

They're saying no to themselves. So especially because of the coaching, consulting, thought, leadership speaking work, we do deep work. If you are a hearts and entrepreneur, who does deep work? I am at no. And this is actually something I teach.

00:35:25

This is actually the first thing. Whenever I'm touching anybody's messaging or sales, people look at me like I'm crazy. But when they get it, they explode. And I've been teaching this since, like, 2017. I remember when I first introduced it, stop selling your program or your service.

00:35:38

Stop sell your transformation. Whenever I'm touching anybody's messaging, whenever I'm touching anybody's program, the first thing I focus on is what is the transformation going through your whole framework, everything. And the reason is because too many of us are walking around selling our program and our service, and we say, People say no to my service, but that's not what I'm selling. I am not selling to you my service. I am selling to you an invitation of supporting you through my knowledge and my area of expertise, my years of experience through this transformation, which is going to allow X, Y, and Z for you.

00:36:13

So they're not saying no to the service. They're saying no to themselves. And that transformation. And there's a couple of themselves. There's their present self they're saying no to.

00:36:24

There's also their future self they're saying no to. So I no longer take no's. I actually have in the membership, we just wrote this up. Normalizing no is one of our lessons that's coming up, and I was just working on it. So amazing.

00:36:38

Everything's connected, right? But yeah, normalizing no. No is okay, because the reality is if I let this person remember aligned clients, that's important for me. So if I let this person into my world, right, and they're not ready, then they don't do the work. They waste my time.

00:36:56

They waste their time, they waste their money. They took that spot from someone else. They could be a headache drain. We're not vibing. It's messing up my energy.

00:37:06

I see your boxer message, and I'm like, no or whatever. You have a call on my calendar. And I'm like, oh, God, I got to meet with this client today. And they might be saying the same, oh, I got to meet with my coach today. I don't want anyone who's coming from that space because I can't help them.

00:37:20

So if my sales purpose is helping impacting, shifting, changing, transforming, that's not going to happen with a person who's misaligned and who's not ready. So we need to understand no is normal. No is actually beautiful for the right person who's not ready. And it's not no. For some people, it's a no if they're just like, this person's character is not it.

00:37:42

But some people, it's like, not right now. And whenever I get that, I'm always in this space of I'll tell my clients, thank you, like, one little sales tip. When I start sales conversations, many times I will tell clients if I'm getting the vibe, like, I need to say this, hey, by the end of this conversation, we're going to make decisions here. That's why you booked this call with me, right? So you want to make a decision on if you want to work with me and move forward on supporting you in this transformation or not?

00:38:07

Do you know that it's safe to say no? I'm unattached if you say yes or no. I just want us both to leave here knowing what decision you want to make. No is okay with me. Yes is okay with me.

00:38:18

Is that cool with you? And they tell me yes. So that, you know, when we get off this phone, you can tell me, no, I'm not going to have shame. You're not going to hurt my feelings. There's nothing wrong with no as long as it's your truth.

00:38:29

So we just have to honor that. No, not feel shame for it normalize, it understand. It doesn't have anything to do with us. As long as you're communicating and you're focusing on your messaging and transformation, that's very important. If you're doing that part, you're doing your part.

00:38:41

Surrendering is out of your control. And just know that this is an invitation to this person, not to my program or service, but to my support through this transformation and having access to me through this transformation. And if this person isn't ready financially, mentally, emotionally, if they're not ready, because there's also like you can be emotionally ready, but if you're not financially ready, then you're going to be stressed out. I had a client who actually put a pause on her program because she wanted to finish making her payments. She didn't want to make payments during this service, like during the program, she was like, here, hey, I know that I'm paying you.

00:39:13

Can I pay you my payments? And then once my last payment comes, can we start? And I said, hey, no problem. So it was literally like I was just getting money each week. She was just paying me.

00:39:21

And that was actually my first time having that happen. And I thought that was so beautiful. I actually praised her. I was like, that is so beautiful that you are so self aware that you know that you don't want to be thinking about the money while we're working together. So you just want to get it paid off and then move forward.

00:39:34

So I'm going to pause because I can go on and on, but I just had to speak that for anyone else that's watching that from that sales standpoint with that no, it actually is very empowering. And I want to call an aligned and empowered clients to make the decision to want to have me by their side and their support. And if somebody isn't ready for that, that's okay, because it's going to be more harm than good. So let's wait till they're ready, and they will. I just tell people, hey, so you check in with me when you're ready.

00:40:02

I hold space for you, and I cannot wait. I can't wait until you're ready and I can dive in and support you. And until that time, let's stay connected here's. This free resource, or are you on my community list, or if you have a group or a podcast or whatever that is, but we can let people go with honor. And it's good.

00:40:18

Like, I'll get off the phone, I don't feel like, oh my God. This person said no. It's like, oh my gosh. I let that person go so they can work on what they need to work on. It didn't feel right for now.

00:40:26

And I know that a time will come where it does feel right, whether it's with me or somebody else, the time when they're ready to show up for themselves will come and I'm going to honor that for them when that time comes and it has nothing to do with me now let me go eat my lunch. Exactly. I will say I definitely felt that in my last launch too. Even though, like I said, there was the disappointment over financially. This was my expectation for myself.

00:40:49

But that's the part that did feel good and I've always believed that. I call it kind of like the no sales selling where it's like, yeah, there are people, you can tell they know it's right for them, but it might not be the right time. And as somebody who deals with overwhelmed, burned out people, I understand that sometimes you want to be thoughtful in timing. Like that one client, I think that is brilliant that she said that, let me finish paying you and then start because mentally then she can be ready to really take in what you have to offer. And I think that's what I see too is I had literally people where I just sat there on the sales calls and they were like talking themselves in and out of it and going through the whole process and they're like, but what will I not get if I don't do this now?

00:41:40

And how long will I be putting off this thing? And it was so fun to see that. And so that part was great. And I agree. I definitely think as you grow in this and you do the work, you realize it isn't personal and it really is about is this the right fit for them?

00:41:56

And 1000% agree with alignment. That to me is the thing where I may be doing more than one thing. Even though I'm trying to narrow, narrow, narrow, because that is what I preach. But I'm like but it's all in alignment. It's all the same stuff.

00:42:11

It's just different vehicles in which I support people at different levels. Right, but I think it's so great when you get to that point and you realize, yeah, this isn't about me. But I will say that's the big fear so many people feel that is that this is my knowledge base and you're telling me it's not good enough if they're taking it that way. Right. And that's the key, is understanding.

00:42:35

And I think that's part of that trust or that faith in yourself when you realize because I did like a webinar and I had somebody respond back because the name of my program is called the Get Shit Done Incubator. And she was like, remove me from your list. I do not like your language. And I'll tell you first of all, I'm like, how the fuck did you get on my list? Because I swear all the time.

00:42:58

But there would have been a time where that would have really crushed me, and I would have questioned everything I was doing, and I would have been like, oh, God. See, this is why I got to tone it down. I got to be like, Amber out of five, not Amber out of seven. And I thought it was kind of hysterical, so I responded back. I wanted to be flip and say, that's why the unsubscribe button is in every email.

00:43:24

But I was like, you have been unsubscribed. Don't worry. You won't receive anything else. I was very nice, but you're just like and I didn't take it in. It was so great to feel so much trust in, like, well, this is who I am.

00:43:37

I'm not going to be the right fit. And I would never want her as a client because it would be very shaming for me, and she would be very angry and frustrated all the time. So, yeah, I think it's part of that growth process, right? Like, going through that. But the way you worded it.

00:43:55

The thing about, oh, I'm not having fun, though I've worked on all the other stuff, I understand the offer and alignments and the people I gather are the right people, and I don't take it as rejection, but part of it is I lose the joy because I'm not actually having fun. I'm going in like, okay, let's gear up for this call instead of how it used to be, where it was so fun. I love that. Yeah. And I had this question.

00:44:26

I shared a couple, I don't know, maybe months ago, but it was a journal exercise, and it was basically like, who is the coach or consultant or speaker, right? Whoever you are, who is the leader that I get to be when I have fun? Like, when I'm not having fun and I show up? I show up because I have to, but then who do I get to be when I show up and I'm having fun? Because then that's when my clients, at least they get the best stories.

00:44:49

Because I love using my stuff to also reflect and coach and give examples and everything. So it's like, I'm more into it. I'm more involved, I'm more passionate, all the things. So asking ourselves, because we are heart driven and we are impact driven, who do I get to be when I have fun? So there shouldn't be shame in having fun because I actually get to show up more powerfully, and you get the best parts of me when I am having fun.

00:45:14

So who do I get to be when I do have fun? And giving yourself permission to have that, I would say for everyone. Find one, don't find ten. What's one thing I can add that is going to be more fun or what's something that I know that a couple of things I know that I have to do, where I invite myself to do my business. Well, how can I do it a little bit more fun?

00:45:36

Just what would that look like? Example for those that are on camera, I have this red couch for those that are listening to the podcast, and you can't see I have a red couch behind me. I have told this story so much in my Mastermind. I had a vision. Like, I'm at my desk right now for this interview.

00:45:55

But there's times where this morning for our call, it was like 70 minutes or so. I did not want to sit at my desk. So I had a vision of like, I want a red is like a part of my brand. I want a red couch, and it has the Otoman on there, and I have a red table next to it. And I think I have like a peach lemonade in here today.

00:46:14

And I wanted that next to me. That's one way that I did it. And it's something so simple, but it was like, I don't always want to work at my desk. Some days I want to work at my couch. So there are some of our calls, our Mastermind calls.

00:46:26

If it's a more strategy call on sales, messaging, or your packaging, I will be at my desk because I know, okay, today's theme, like, I need to be at my desk because I have to share my screen and type and everything like that. Today's was mindset focused. So I sat on the couch and I had my tablet mindset questions and stuff, and I was coaching from the couch. So that's just one example. But really sit and think, like, what is one simple thing that I could tweak or change or add into my day, into my work, into even how I do things that would just make it a little bit more fun.

00:46:55

And then just find a new one maybe next week. And find a new one next week. Or go deeper in the one you choose every week. That could be an option too. But just know that you're worthy of having fun and selling in particular.

00:47:07

That's my whole mission, honestly, is transforming how women see, think and feel about being seen, showing up and selling. Because that energy of, like, it's not fun is actually what prevents us. We'll do enough. Like, I'm going to make enough. I'm going to make fifty K, eighty K, whatever it is that I need to pay my bills.

00:47:25

I'm going to make enough for this year. But I won't let myself have the overflow. I won't let myself have the excess because that's unknown territory. So let me just have enough. And then when I get there, I contract, I shrink.

00:47:38

Instead of letting ourselves have the overflow of the fun, of the joy of the finances, of all the things that we desire, because we attach this like, oh, when I get to that level, if I'm already not having fun with sales now, what's going to happen when I'm selling to more people? What's going to happen when I'm being seen by more people? What's going to happen when I'm selling bigger prices? So let me just stay over here because this is as much sales as I can handle. And it's like, no, selling is so beautiful.

00:48:01

The more people that I reach, I get to touch more people with my message. And oh my God, when that happens, here's how they show up in their life, and here's how they show for their relationships and here's how they show for their children, and here's how they show for themselves and their health and their bodies and insert whatever it is that you do. Here's how they show up in all these other areas. And this is so cool and amazing and oh my goodness, I cannot keep this just to myself. And because it's so good, I need to be paid very well for it because I have to have time where I go rest and I go recharge, and then I come back and I deliver even more and then I rest again and I charge and I travel and I experience.

00:48:33

It's a two way street. So you have to be well taken care of to do this work. So you have to be paid well. And we get to serve well. We get to have both duality in both like, oh gosh, absolutely want everybody.

00:48:46

To know that I know. And I love it. And I find it so interesting because actually talking about being fun deprived and having more fun is actually one of the tenets of my work. So I want to say this for people to understand, realizing that there are sometimes the magic that we give others can also be the stuck point for us in a certain area. Because that's part of why my client work goes so well, is I am all about having fun.

00:49:17

I'm often in our coworking, I'll be playing music or I'll be doing things. We do things that are fun. Like you said, I change up my work environment to have more fun. There's so many things and I see it. But sometimes when we have a block, that's the thing we cannot see.

00:49:34

And until you said it, it hadn't occurred to me that I wasn't having fun there. And that's why everything else flows, because I'm enjoying myself. And then it wasn't that I was like dreading it. Yeah, but it wasn't fun. I wasn't looking at it as like, yeah, exactly.

00:49:51

It can be up leveled. So I think that's important for people because I work with so many people who are like, I do this for others. And I'm like, yes, but we can't often do our magic on ourselves, and we're probably doing it in most areas of. Our life, but we might not be doing it in those challenged areas where we feel stuck, where we feel a little, like, hesitant or resistant. Right.

00:50:15

It doesn't have to be like you said, it doesn't have to be like you're at the bottom of the barrel, like beginner step. But I just think it was really powerful. So thank you for sharing that. Obviously, the energy you bring to things. I can see why your clients want to work with you and why it's helpful.

00:50:33

Right? Thank you. Thank you. I love it. I love the energy.

00:50:38

Thank you. And, you know, that's a reflection. Like, if we go back to how we started this, that is a reflection of knowing that, one, you've created a safe space, Amber, right? You've created a safe space. And so if y'all are listening, you got to send Amber some love, right?

00:50:54

And thank her for this space, like, creating the space for this conversation. We in no way have a script. This has literally been a vibe off of one another and each other. So this kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier, just like, the energy and the vibe that we co create together or the questions or there's things you said that I was like, oh, I want to respond to that, or vice versa. So that's us together, we have our individual magic, for sure, and when we bring it together, it's even more powerful.

00:51:21

And what you said really quickly about us doing the magic for others, and sometimes we need people to support us in that magic for ourselves. We deserve that. If I'm already doing and extending so much for others, you're not going to sit and be your therapist, right? You're going to go to someone else. So can I sit in the seat and lay back and be served and be taken care of?

00:51:42

Because that's how I show up for other people. We deserve that. So we deserve it, but also knowing that there's just things that we can't see. If you're behind me, and I'm looking for something that is right here, and I'm looking forward, and the thing is on my right, but I'm only looking forward. I'm not looking to my right.

00:52:00

I don't see it. But because you're behind me, you see the thing because it's right in front of so you're like, here, move your head to the right. I literally have an exercise that I do with clients with a pin, with this scenario, but that's it in a nutshell. So it's this idea of like, oh, I just got to look to the right man, I would have never thought of that, because all I was doing was looking forward. So we need people.

00:52:19

I talk about a plus sign. We need people at every level, and I hate to say this above us and below us, so I don't mean that in the literal sense. I just want you to think about a plus sign, we need some people who are a couple steps ahead of us, and we need some people who are not so far ahead of us, like, behind us. We need some people. And then if you look at a plus sign, the left and the right, so there's more people beside us.

00:52:40

So I feel like we need more people beside us. And then we need a couple of people ahead of us, a couple of people who are getting to where we are. So, yeah, if you look at a plus sign, you're in the middle. And so having people at those different levels is so important because it helps you have a more robust and balanced look and overview of things that you just can't see or you weren't aware of and you can contribute that to other people, too. Yes.

00:53:04

I love it. I love it all. I am super aware that we are over time, but this was amazing. Absolutely amazing. I feel like I've learned a lot today, so I am that 90 year old learning the cupcake trick.

00:53:20

And I appreciate it deeply, obviously. Well, I feel like there's a good, good chance that we'll be having you come back because we need to keep these conversations going. Yeah, I was like, if you were willing. But I know people are going to want to hear more of this and this infectious energy. And actually, I love the wisdom, I love all the analogies and the lessons.

00:53:45

That's so great. Where can people go to find you? Yeah, so you can go to www.kiarajones.com when you get there. If you hit the free tab, there's some free resources, like a mini sales course and some other resources on branding, visibility, mindset to support you. And of course, you'll also find information about if you want to have any details on working together.

00:54:09

So, Kierraajones.com, free is where you'll get the free resources. Wonderful. Well, everything will be in the show notes, of course. And I just want to say thank you again for coming on and yeah, you're coming back.

00:54:30

I love this. Of course I would come back. I was even listening to some episodes before we even came on, and so it's just so beautiful. So I want to thank you for the space that you're creating because a part of being visible is knowing that it's safe for you in however you've been created and however your mind works and all the things and knowing that there's still a space for you in this entrepreneur game and world and all the things. So thank you for creating that space and allowing me to just contribute to it.

00:54:58   

Thank you. Love that. That is full circle. I'm going to end it there. Absolutely.

00:55:03       

Bye, everybody. Bye.