Dealing with Overwhelm: How to Manage Your Time and Expectations

00:00:23 - Amber Hawley
Welcome to season two of the My Biz Bestie podcast. I'm Amber Hawley.

00:00:28 - Maelisa Hall
And I'm Melissa Hall.

00:00:30 - Amber Hawley
And today we're going to be talking about getting to the root of overwhelm. Because no matter how great your support system is, if you are completely overwhelmed, it is not going to do you any good.
I know. And it's like something that you always have to deal with all the time. Yes. But in my fantasies, there will be a day in which that is not the case.

00:00:50 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, not so much. But I do think one thing that's helpful is to look at why it's happening and how we can avoid it as best we can. Yes.

00:01:01 - Amber Hawley
And, you know, so being that we're both therapists, of course, I feel like we have a lot of education in helping people with self-care, which is highly important. But something that we talked about is self-care is not just about taking baths. And sometimes, although ironically, I may take a bath tonight.
Oh, really? Yeah.

00:01:22 - Maelisa Hall
Good for you.

00:01:24 - Amber Hawley
I know, I know. I'm trying to extend the wonderful healing benefits of our spa week, which we had last week.

00:01:33 - Maelisa Hall
That's true. Yeah. And oh my goodness, it was amazing. So amazing. But much more than baths. Yes. And I guess why we say that, right, is because so much of what you see is like, oh, enjoy a nice cup of tea, take a bath. what else do you hear? Get a massage.
These kind of like one-off things to do that supposedly are going to make you a self-care queen.

00:01:59 - Amber Hawley
Right. And although those are helpful, and I do use those things and they are great, they are not going to touch overwhelm if you don't make changes in like how you're approaching thinking or structuring things.

00:02:14 - Maelisa Hall
That was even when you're just saying it right now, I'm like, oh yeah, that's really eye-opening. It's like, overwhelm is usually a sign of a much bigger issue, right?

00:02:21 - Amber Hawley
Absolutely. And I think when we talked about in many previous episodes, the idea of why we do our GSD weeks or our mini weekends, because we're trying to be productive and really work on our business, not just in it and kind of get ahead. But part of that is because it's also very restorative to take that time to get away and knock out a major project or make some headway in your business.
Because let's face it, like you said, that there's always so much coming at you. You know, we use our GSD weeks as an opportunity to kind of reset, get caught up, you know, so on and so forth. So for us coming off of our last week, where we did our week-long GSD with our mavens, I will say this week, I am very much feeling it.

Like I'm having a hard time getting back into work mode. Yeah, me too. And it probably because we went to North America's largest spa. And we did pretty much spend most of the time in the saunas and the hot tubs and relaxing and rejuvenating. And so this one, even though I would say I didn't get any projects done, I did get some like tasks checked off and got some things kind of caught up.
It was just really about the restoration of it for me this time. And I feel like that happened for a lot of us that went.

00:03:42 - Maelisa Hall
I know. I know. Which is interesting that that was the venue we chose this year. So it worked out well.

00:03:49 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. Let's face it. All along, I kept saying, I'm not sure how much we're actually going to get done at this spot.

00:03:55 - Maelisa Hall
And of course, there was me like, oh my gosh, it's going to be amazing.

00:03:59 - Amber Hawley
And it was. It was absolutely. Yes.

00:04:02 - Maelisa Hall
But it makes me think of, because we are so careful to write down copious notes before we do our podcast episodes. It makes me think of one of our points that we want to cover when like just this week, I'm actually going through like another, it's called a bootcamp, but it's basically like one of the business courses that I did when I very first started my business.
And of course, what are the first things that you go through? It's like your client avatar and it's like designing your ideal day or your ideal week and thinking about your mission statement and your overall goals. I think it's good to go back and do those things, even when you've already done them, to regularly revisit those things because you want to make sure you're always aligning with your goals.

And I think when we get overwhelmed, a lot of times it's because we're doing things that are outside of those.

00:04:54 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And that's like also things shift as things go on. It might not be that your goal has changed, but more so kind of either the phase of business that you're in or... how you're approaching things, like maybe what you're wanting out of your business is different.

00:05:11 - Maelisa Hall
Oh, yeah. And I mean, I definitely know for me, like the specifics change quite a bit. So like, I never thought I'd be doing exactly what I'm doing now. But I feel like my overall mission or like the broader goals of having flexibility of working for myself of mostly working from home, like those, I'm making all of those happen, you know?

00:05:34 - Amber Hawley
Right. So what would, if you were going to give feedback about what would be useful for somebody to help them, let's say they're in overwhelm and they're not quite sure like what to do first.

00:05:44 - Maelisa Hall
I think it's going back and looking at why are you doing what you're doing? You know, like, is it, I think for a lot of women, especially it has something to do with their family, like because they want to have flexibility or they want to have more time or they even like want to be an example.
you know, or maybe they want to give back to the community in some way. But I think it's really looking at what are your goals? And then is what you're doing every day? Is that actually helping you to meet them? Does that make sense?

00:06:11 - Amber Hawley
Yeah, that doesn't I like that. I guess I could see that also as your goal might be, let's say you said, Okay, my goal is to have 10,000 in profit every month. And then when you ask the why, you might find out that your why, why are you working? Why are you doing what you're doing in your business?
And if it is more about having the flexibility of being there with your kids, I guess, depending on what your business is and where it's at, is that really the right goal for you? So figuring out if the values you're having or what you're wanting out of the structure of your business is actually in alignment with some of the goals you've established.

00:06:49 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, because when that gets all mixed up, then things do feel really overwhelming, right? Because it just feels like work. Yes.

00:06:57 - Amber Hawley
That's a good sign of overwhelm. You're just, everything feels arduous, right? Like everything feels like work.

00:07:07 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. Or like you feel when you start to feel resentful. I mean, it's basically all of those kind of burnout signs, you know?

00:07:14 - Amber Hawley
Mm-hmm.

00:07:15 - Maelisa Hall
Those are things to, and I think it's like, you don't have to beat yourself up, but it's information. You know, you look at it and you're like, okay, why is this happening? Maybe I need to look at this and do something a little different or adjust some things in my life.

00:07:31 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And so, okay. So then people will say, okay, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm going to take a look at, you know, what are my whys? What is the why I'm doing what I'm doing? And what are the goals that are aligned with those whys? And so they figure that out, then what would be the next step?

00:07:48 - Maelisa Hall
Well, I think one of the other things that has come up a lot recently that I didn't really think about a whole lot is that you also have to align those goals or what you're doing with your current phase of life and your current phase of business. And I know times when I have felt really overwhelmed is like when I've expected my business to be way beyond that.
what it should be at year one or year two, for example. I'm sitting there beating myself up and trying to do all this work to make it be something that realistically, it's just not going to be in the first year or two. And I think the same thing, a lot of people, Denise Duffield Thomas, our lucky bitch lady, has been talking about this a lot recently where she's saying that she has really young kids And right now in her life, she has like three kids or one is on the way or born any second now, like three kids that are under the age of like four, I think.

And so she's saying, you know, there's certain things that she wants to do, but she recognizes the next few years, it's not going to happen, but it will happen eventually.

00:08:52 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And that's helpful to think about because I don't know that I've always been so cognizant of that. I just felt pressure. You say what? Yeah. I felt that pressure of like, okay, this is, it's just supposed to grow exponentially and go, go, go. And I think for me, it wasn't until I had my third child where I was like, yeah, that's just not going to happen right now.
I know that recently I was on the best chicks podcast talking about the fact that now that she's a little older, I'm like, okay, Now I have all the things I want to do all the things right now. And I've totally missed out. And so I do have those impulses.
But I will say, hearing that message repeatedly from people and hearing, you know, what Natalie Axel talks about, you know, the 25 year plan from the strategic coach guy, and that we have the longevity in our career.

So there is time for us to do all of this, right?

00:09:55 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And she mentioned that in our mastermind episode too, right? That's something to consider about who you're spending time with. She mentioned, if you're going to have a mastermind, you want to have people in your mastermind who are in a similar pace of business.
So it's not that one is better than the other. It's just that people are in different places. And if you're only hanging out with people who are like... You see these stories of these... 25, 30 year old guys who are single, and they're talking about all the crazy stuff they're doing.
Well, that's totally different from you who has three kids that you're going to be doing things with, you know?

00:10:31 - Amber Hawley
Yes, exactly. And they're such show offs, those guys. But yes, it's so true. And so understanding, like, I may want to go faster, but just my stage of life is what I'm, you know, going through right now, that's going to impact that.

00:10:49 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. I mean, I think for me, that's probably been one of the biggest sources of overwhelm is just being misaligned with what is going on right now, like what's realistic for right now. And then maybe having some unrealistic goals for like my circumstances or the phase of business that I'm in.

00:11:09 - Amber Hawley
Or the amount of time you're willing to put in, right? So to say, okay, I want to achieve goal X. And then say, but I only want to work 20 hours a week. Like, do we really go together?

00:11:24 - Maelisa Hall
Right. Like you look at Gary Vaynerchuk and you're like, well, if you want to be Gary Vaynerchuk, look at how much he's working.

00:11:28 - Amber Hawley
Oh, for shizzle. I think he's amazing. I absolutely love, I love his message. I think there's a lot of hope in it and a lot of like, it is possible. I mean, you can do these things, but I'm not willing to sacrifice all that time. Even though sometimes I do get inspired by when he says the most important time of the day for working parents would be from 9pm to 2am.
That's when you can be investing in your other business. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. I absolutely could have launched and had other things off the ground by now if I was willing to sacrifice that time. But frankly, I'm not going to. I'm going to focus on sleep because...
that's going to be long-term is going to serve me best. Totally, totally. And Netflix, let's be real.

00:12:18 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And he'll say that like, oh, when people say they don't have time, then he's like, oh, well, what happened in the last episode or the last season of Game of Thrones? And he's absolutely right. But it's also about what is best for you, right? Is that time that you need?
To actually just wind down and hang out and be by yourself or be with your family. And those are all important things. But you have to be realistic about what you're willing to give.

00:12:47 - Amber Hawley
Exactly. And neither one is right or wrong. And I think what he's saying is really smart. Because even aligning the way you talk about things. So I wouldn't say I don't have time. Because I know that that's crap. I spend a lot of time on... meaningless stuff that I don't need to spend time on.
Facebook. Right? But it's not enough to like make that space. And even though I can justifiably and honestly share a pretty full schedule, we will make time for things that are a priority.

00:13:23 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And it's okay. I think that's the important thing is like, it's okay to say this is not a priority for me right now.

00:13:29 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And in fact, it's very freeing because to hold that mental energy of, I'm supposed to do this. So let's just say it's exercise, right? Because that's such a common one for people to say, I don't have time for exercise. And I'm always like, yeah, right.
I mean, you can see so many people who really prioritize exercise, whether they get up another hour earlier or, you know, whatever they do, they make it happen when it's a priority. And so, but if you say I have to exercise every day and then every day you don't actually change any behavior or make any time for it, you feel bad.
And you feel like, hey, I've already failed. I've started the day as a failure. And it keeps going. There's a mental load to that that you hold on to. Here's the expectation I have for myself and I'm not living up to it. And I think that's very overwhelming.

A lot of what overwhelms us is we're not meeting our own expectations. Well, then adjust your expectations or change your behavior.

00:14:26 - Maelisa Hall
Absolutely. Yeah. And I think like you and I and most of the people we're probably talking to are like high achieving, high performing people. So your expectations for yourself are often very high and maybe unrealistic, or your expectation is that you're always working at your absolute best.
And that's not going to happen every day.

00:14:49 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. I laugh because this just came up with a client last night where if you've ever done any kind of leadership stuff or time management stuff where they talk about managing employees, they talk about the idea of you have to schedule... in downtime, like there has to be breathing room for downtime, unless you're Gary Vaynerchuk, of course, because the reality is, if you don't schedule it, it will happen anyway.
You know, like that cooler talk, or just whatever, whatever it is, we need those little breaks. So you should schedule them in or somehow, you know, have some space in your schedule to kind of give you that downtime, right? And it's the same thing with money, like, If you make your budget so tight that you don't allow for any kind of free spending, it's going to happen.
You need to adjust your expectations because when you're more realistic, then you don't feel the stress of it.

00:15:39 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, yeah. It's funny. I think Chris Browning, our friend from the Popcorn Finance podcast, talked about that, about getting his budget back in order, but then flipping all the way to the other side and being way too, I mean, I guess, stingy. about it, right?
And not allowing time for like, even when you are trying to pay off debt or meet some big goal, like you still have to have a little bit of wiggle room so you can enjoy things.

00:16:03 - Amber Hawley
Yes. And it's, yes, whether that's budgeting or dieting or time management, it's the same concept. When we're too restrictive, we rebel. We naturally rebel. And you might be able to do something for a certain period of time, but when you build in a little bit of flexibility, it's so much better.
So that's a huge piece of reducing the overwhelm, because it feels so good to feel like, hey, here's the goals I set for myself, I feel good about these goals, and I'm achieving them. That's amazing, positive momentum, as opposed to, hey, I shall wake up every day and beat myself up for all the things that I'm not doing that probably are extremely unrealistic anyway.

00:16:45 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And it's funny. I mean, I think about one of the things my husband is really good about and always tells people is working out is one good example. If you want to start working out more, you don't just start. You don't say, I'm going to go to the gym for half An hour every single day after, like, not really working out, right?
He was like, just get up and do 10 push-ups and that's it. Like, that's all you have to do.

00:17:08 - Amber Hawley
But most people like, Well, that's what I did yo for like three whole weeks.

00:17:15 - Maelisa Hall
Well, like most of us don't do that, right? We think we have to have like some big, big goal and hit that and do that. And then we're unrealistic about how that's going to happen or how often it can happen or how we're going to adapt to it. And then we feel bad.
Yes, exactly.

00:17:31 - Amber Hawley
Exactly.

00:17:32 - Maelisa Hall
I guess this episode is really about managing expectations.

00:17:34 - Amber Hawley
I guess. Isn't it always? Isn't everything in life about expectations? Really? Yeah. People who irritate you. It's about expectations that they follow social norms and have common sense. I feel like there are so many things. Parenting is all about expectations.
Having employees is all about expectations. Everything in life is about expectations. So yeah. And really this episode is really for us because we all speak for myself. I am the queen of unrealistic expectations. And I'm so good at justifying why they aren't unrealistic.
I know. I think you're getting better about it, though, even since I've- Yeah, I really feel like I am. I mean, this has been my process. Again, you hear the message enough, it sinks in. There is still that part of me that's like, oh, you know, if I was just willing to go balls to the wall for like one month.

And it does suck because I will say my energy used to be amazeballs. And so I could push myself. I just feel like I don't have that in me. I don't know if it's because I'm 42 or I have three children or I've gone through a long bout of burnout. I just don't...
It's not there. It's not there anymore. So I have really realistic expectations because it's going to be the slow and steady route whether I want to or not.

00:18:58 - Maelisa Hall
Absolutely. Yeah. And it's just... I think it's hard when you are used to doing things differently in the past. And... You have to adjust to how it is now. Yes.

00:19:08 - Amber Hawley
So I know that we had talked about another aspect of that is when we don't use our energy wisely and how that impacts overwhelm.

00:19:19 - Maelisa Hall
I think for me, that's actually a big sign that overwhelm is happening because it's like I realize, oh, I spent all this time doing this pointless thing or doing this thing that is not going to bring me a big result. And when I recognize that, then I have to look at what's going on.
And I think usually when I'm already feeling overwhelmed or need a break or something like that, that's when I tend to spend time on pointless tasks or spend a lot of time on one task. Like it just gets so sucked into it and spend hours on it when I realized like I should have just set a timer and stopped at a certain point.

00:19:58 - Amber Hawley
Right, which is, you know, I guess that's the benefit of like time blocking if you use that method. is that yes, you have to set the end to it. I guess I never thought of it that way that I mean, I spend a lot of time on pointless tasks. So and I just thought it was like, maybe it's ADHD, or just I'm avoiding something.
But yes, that makes sense. It's like dealing with the things that you know, you have to sometimes they just feel so big. And You want to do something more fun.

00:20:30 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. But I think there's a balance there too, right? I guess the other part of that is if you are spending all of your time doing things that don't light you up, that don't interest you, that wear you down, then you're going to feel overwhelmed a lot more quickly than if you spend eight hours doing things that really excite you.

00:20:48 - Amber Hawley
Yes. And finding that balance. Because you're right. It can't just be the grind. If there are those things... and you're able to outsource them, that's great. And we know that as business owners, there's just some grindy kind of stuff that you have to do.
That's just, I guess, unless you're like Steve Jobs, maybe, well, that's a terrible example. But I was like, literally, no one came to mind. That's how zenned out we are.

00:21:15 - Maelisa Hall
I picture Marie Forleo not doing things that don't light her up.

00:21:19 - Amber Hawley
Excellent example. Thank you. Honestly, I couldn't... I could not think of an example. Like nothing was in my head.

00:21:28 - Maelisa Hall
This is why we have co-hosts.

00:21:32 - Amber Hawley
But yeah, so making sure that you're doing things that are in your zone of genius or expertise or the things that you're passionate about, doing more of that than not, right? I think that's important. And sometimes it can feel, especially if you're like a solopreneur, it can feel very grindy.
Like, and so then, you know, It does feel overwhelming because you're like, oh, good. Now I get to do a profit and loss sheet. And maybe I'll deal with some customer service people for some stupid stuff that they screwed up. And now I must follow up with them.
Yay. I know. I know.

00:22:07 - Maelisa Hall
And there's always going to be those things. Always.

00:22:10 - Amber Hawley
And more in the beginning. Yes. So that is why an awesome VA can be so valuable. I think the other way that I misuse my energy... When I am feeling overwhelmed is I'm not doing things like at the ideal time of day. And so I think we've talked about this book before, The Power of Now or When?
When. Yes, The Power of When. You should just fire me today. I think they're both books, actually. We're so spod out. I mean, I feel like I'm in Spomageddon because I just can't get my brain back. Like my brain is like, whoa.

00:22:50 - Maelisa Hall
I have a feeling that it's going to happen after this weekend, something magical.

00:22:56 - Amber Hawley
I'm hoping so. I'm hoping this is rejuvenation and detoxifying and I'm just going to be amazing next week. So yes, we'll have to keep you updated on Spomageddon. But yeah, like that book, I think we've talked about it before, but he really does talk about finding those.
We have our natural flows. Everybody does. You know, everybody has their circadian rhythms, their times of energy or when they feel like, most clarity. And so making sure you align the energy with certain kinds of tasks. So for me, like seeing clients, and I remember somebody else talking about this before, but for seeing clients, I can always see clients like I'm clients energize me, I can focus because you know, it's somebody talking and sharing their story.
And I'm in that and I'm in it with them. So that when I have a lot of flexibility, but if you ask me to write something, you know, And then you said do it at 9am.

I'd be like, that's probably not the best time. My brain has not woke up yet. Even though I may have been awake for a couple of hours, that's not my ideal time. And so it's figuring out the book kind of goes through and gives you tips as far as that goes, figuring out what time of day is the best use of your energy.
Sometimes if you're just out of alignment with that, that can make a big difference of feeling like, oh, it took me four hours to do something that should have taken one.

00:24:18 - Maelisa Hall
Oh, yeah. I mean, I do that a lot with people, with therapists, with my business, because I'm helping them deal with how to do what can be a mundane task, right? And that's one of the big things we talk about that helps people a lot is figuring out timing and when to do things.
Because I tell people if you're if it's an exhausting day for you, and it's 8pm, and you just want to go home, you're not going to do this boring task that you're dreading already, you're going to push it off. So don't plan to do it then.

00:24:45 - Amber Hawley
Yes, just say to yourself, okay, that's the thing I'll do first thing in the morning. You know, if you're a morning type person, or first thing at 11am. But you know, whatever your whatever the time is that, yeah, you feel more mental clarity and that energy to kind of do something.

00:25:03 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, and we're totally gonna do a full episode on The Power of When.

00:25:07 - Amber Hawley
Yes, because we actually have a lot of critiques for that book too. So somebody had suggested that would be a good thing for us to do. So we absolutely should.

00:25:15 - Maelisa Hall
But it's also like amazing information. So we're gonna share the good and the bad.

00:25:20 - Amber Hawley
The good, the bad, the ugly. It'll be awesome. You'll have to join us for that episode.

00:25:24 - Maelisa Hall
So do you have any final thoughts on getting to the root of overwhelm or managing expectations since we ended up talking about that?

00:25:32 - Amber Hawley
I think sometimes I think what works for me is sometimes I'll look at things, you know, what are all trying to accomplish? Well, one, I think writing it down, because when you see it in black and white, it can quickly become obvious whether or not you're being realistic.

00:25:46 - Maelisa Hall
And I've seen it with you. Yeah.

00:25:50 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And I like that. Like I've used the Michael Hyatt calendar. He provides a free example on his site where it's kind of like, theming your days or time blocking, like you can use like a combination of those things. I do like that. Because when you actually start doing that, and you're like, Whoa, okay, well, realistically, I only have an hour a week to do, you know, create new content or something like that, right, depending on what your business is, and what you're doing.
So to say, Oh, I've got to achieve this many things in that one hour period, you quickly realize whether or not you're being realistic in your expectations. And so I think looking at it that way, the black and white, I think is very helpful. I also think, are there things that are perpetually causing you stress?

And so, you know, like, I'll call them my hotspots. And so if there are those things, and you identify them, and say, Okay, now what can I do? Like, let's take each one at a time and think, What can I do differently? Like, do I have to schedule it in?
If I do, what would be the ideal time of day based on my energy and workflow? Do I need to build a different habit? Do I need to automize it somehow? Is there a way that I can delegate any of that hotspot stuff? So just figuring out those kinds of strategies or setting boundaries with yourself.
I mean, I think that's a huge piece of it of, you know, if you want to do inbox zero and you say, okay, I don't get to turn on Netflix. until I'm at inbox zero for the day. Now, I'm not saying that you should do that. But let's just say that's something that causes you so much distress.

And it's a perpetual thing for you. And it's your major hotspot that you just feel overwhelmed by, then do that figure out something that works for you that helps alleviate that hotspot, you know, and so it's either delete it, delegate it, automate it, you know, or get realistic about what it is.
And so I think those are the kinds of things like really concrete things that can help you manage expectations. And then I feel like go to your support system, like talk to them about what your goals are, what you're doing, and see what kind of feedback they have for you.

00:28:01 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, because I know your support system gave you some feedback on your goals for our retreat.

00:28:08 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. Did they say something? Because I felt like I was ignoring them.

00:28:14 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, everybody was like, that sounds like a lot to get done. And then I was like, yeah, I wasn't planning to get that much done.

00:28:23 - Amber Hawley
I know. And then it was so sad because then began the bargaining, right? Well, okay, I'll cut all of this stuff out. But then the rest of the days, this has got to happen. And then the next day, it was like, meh. I'm going to go to the infinity pool with everybody.
So I got to try to do X, I'm gonna, I'll just focus on these things. And every day went by. And it was like more and more was cut. Yes, I would love to enter into one of those weeks with a really realistic plan and knock it out. I mean, that would feel amazing.
But what I will say is I quickly allowed myself to adjust my expectations when we were there and really take in I said, you know, this restorative, like unscheduled, deep relaxation, that actually, I realized quickly how beneficial that was going to be for me in my overall overwhelm.

And so that was great.

00:29:17 - Maelisa Hall
That's true. And I remember the first year that we did our retreat, you talking about needing that and wishing that you had just made that adjustment sooner, right? Instead of like feeling guilty throughout the time. And I was thinking about that the whole time we were there.
And like, oh, okay. You know, just like ease into this and don't put so much pressure.

00:29:38 - Amber Hawley
And I kept saying to myself, like, this is actually going to help me in the long run. So I'm just going to give into this. And so even though ideally going in, I'm always a little too idealistic. I quickly adjusted and I was okay with it. And I really...
I really did feel at peace with it and I didn't feel bad or guilty. I mean, I'm not going to lie. That's why that last day we did hustle because I said, I can't leave without some stuff really checked off so that I feel I'm a little ahead of the game when I go home.
But it felt good. Yeah, it did. It felt really good. But having that extreme downtime, it was just so needed because... And I think what the other nice thing about it was... This was the first year where we didn't play music because usually we play music the whole time while we're working and doing things.
And this year people had voted that they didn't want that.

And even though I was a little bummed, it ultimately I think was good because there was a lot of silence. Now, granted, there was a lot of talking as well, right? Because there's nine women. But there was a lot of silence and a lot of quiet. And because the spa was about being silent and quiet, there was a lot more...
of that peacefulness that I think I needed. And then the fact that my phone didn't work. So I had access to voicemail or text. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't get it. And then even the Wi-Fi was spotty. So it was kind of nice because I felt very unplugged from everything.
And then it was like, well, why not go down to the sauna and do that amazing off-gust treatment and which I highly recommend, by the way.

00:31:12 - Maelisa Hall
Yes, we definitely recommend Le Nordic Spa.

00:31:15 - Amber Hawley
And it was so good. Yeah, because we ate really clean. There wasn't a lot of processed food. I wasn't drinking soda, which is not good for me. But yet, sometimes you just crave it. It was a lot of cleansing and just kind of detoxing both digitally and figuratively, I guess.
I really did... kind of do that. So I think that was really helpful. And sometimes you need that you need to just stop everything and reset.

00:31:44 - Maelisa Hall
Absolutely. And sometimes you don't realize you need it until you do it.

00:31:48 - Amber Hawley
Yes.

00:31:49 - Maelisa Hall
But when you stop and do that, then you realize how much you need it.

00:31:53 - Amber Hawley
Yes. Which is why I'm a little frustrated because all week, and we've talked to some of the other people in the group where everyone's kind of talking about this, there's just this level of exhaustion this week, because we got back Monday, although that was a That was a harrowing tale because it was a freak ice storm.
And so it took me 18 hours to get home. It took you much longer.

00:32:14 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, I think it took like 28, something like that.

00:32:20 - Amber Hawley
Yes. I mean, terrible. I felt terrible for you. But my 18 still took it out of me. And then things happen. But this whole week, I've just felt really tired. But the nice thing is I did feel reset because... I just felt like going to bed earlier and I've been sleeping more.
And so sometimes that self-care continues to give to you. And that, even though all of this is going on, I really don't feel like that normal overwhelm, even though there are still things I need to be doing. I honestly don't feel like I have the energy for it.
So you're just accepting it. I'm accepting it. I'm like, meh, it will get done. I think it's great. It's wonderful. So yeah, I don't know if that answered your question. But yeah, I would look at those things and definitely build in that self care stuff, you know, do the nice little pampery things, the massages and the baths and the teas and the whatever.

But if you don't change your expectation, I think that that's like putting a bandaid on an open wound. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

00:33:20 - Maelisa Hall
I agree. I think that's the biggest thing. Wonderful. Do you have any last words of wisdom? I mean, I think it's just around, yeah, the managing expectations. And one thing that was really helpful for me was listening to Lisa Woodruff, who I don't think we've mentioned yet.
And she has the Organize 365 podcast. And her podcast is all about time management and organization. And one of the things she talks about, she has two teenage kids, is that just managing the household takes about 20 hours a week. And that sounds like a lot.
And she's saying, I'm sure that sounds like a lot, but when you actually track your time, that's how much time it's taking. And so I think a lot of us, I know I get unrealistic about not only work stuff, but how much other things have to be done. And then even if there's enough time in the day, are you also getting in that time for rest and fun and all of that?

So I think that was really helpful for me.

00:34:16 - Amber Hawley
Well, hopefully... this helps you at least start thinking about a framework or kind of checking in with yourself to see, you know, are you in a state of overwhelm? I feel like a lot of people are. So kind of looking at how can I start to address that?
Because even though we're huge proponents of your business support system, again, if you don't take care of yourself, it doesn't matter how many people you have around you, you're just going to be stressed out.

00:34:42 - Maelisa Hall
Absolutely. So hopefully you got some tidbits. But if you think that this would be really helpful for someone, if there's someone in particular you know might be feeling overwhelmed or avoiding their overwhelm, then please share this podcast episode with them.
You can just hit share on the iPhone app. And Amber, how do you do that on Android?

00:35:05 - Amber Hawley
You go to your computer and then...

00:35:08 - Maelisa Hall
Or you just go, yeah, copy and paste.

00:35:11 - Amber Hawley
I pretty much copy and paste the link.

00:35:13 - Maelisa Hall
So you can go to mybizbestie.com and you can also copy and paste from there as well. I never know what's up with the non-iPhone users, but that's why we have a website to make it super easy. So you can go to mybizbestie.com and just copy and paste the episode there.
But do share this with someone who you think might benefit from it. And make sure you're subscribed so you can check out our next episode next week.

00:35:36 - Amber Hawley
Woohoo!