How a Business Support System Helped to Redefine Wealth with Patrice Washington

00:00:24 - Maelisa Hall
Welcome to Season 3 of the My Biz Bestie podcast. I'm Melissa Hall.

00:00:28 - Amber Hawley
And I'm Amber Hawley.

00:00:29 - Maelisa Hall
And today we have a superstar here on the Mind is Messy podcast. We have the lovely Patrice Washington. Welcome, Patrice.

00:00:42 - Patrice Washington
Thank you for having me.

00:00:43 - Amber Hawley
I feel pretty legit right now because you're pretty amazing. I wish I had your book with me. I could hold it up. And although we're not doing video, so I guess that doesn't matter.

00:00:56 - Patrice Washington
For my own edification, you can hold it up, Amber.

00:00:57 - Maelisa Hall
Yes. Just to confirm that she has it and she's obsessed. Yes.

00:01:04 - Patrice Washington
Thank you guys so much. I have adored you both since the day we met. You just make me smile and I've never body rolled with anyone. Anyone, Amber. Besides you in public, you are, we share that. Like you're my body roll friends. I know.

00:01:22 - Amber Hawley
And I was like, I thought you were going to, I thought you were going to say not at night and not in nightclub. Like only in a nightclub. Have you body rolled with somebody?

00:01:30 - Patrice Washington
No, no. Well, in adulthood. Okay. But stay time sober. And at a woman's conference, it just typically doesn't happen.

00:01:44 - Maelisa Hall
But that was a special kind of conference. And that's how we met is you were sitting right behind us and we were all chatting and we fell in love with you right there. And then you said that you were going to be at Podcast Movement and actually speaking at Podcast Movement.
We were like, dang. And then we listened to you at Podcast Movement and you had the best workshop that we attended.

00:02:04 - Patrice Washington
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. It was so much fun.

00:02:09 - Amber Hawley
I know. We were front row center. We enjoyed it a lot. There was a lot of value bombs in that one. So definitely people should head out and hear you speak for sure. And just in case anyone out there has not heard of you.

00:02:20 - Maelisa Hall
That's right. While we're talking you out, we should do a little introduction. So Patrice also has a podcast. Patrice, do you want to tell our listeners about your podcast and what you do?

00:02:32 - Patrice Washington
Sure. Well, my podcast is the Redefining Wealth Podcast, where we believe that wealth is more than money and material possessions. It's also, first and foremost, actually about well-being. And so I've been known as a personal finance expert for almost a decade.
It makes me feel kind of old. I don't know how so much time has passed so quickly. But for almost a decade, I have lived my life with the mission of helping move the masses from debt management to money mastery. And as an author, a speaker, a television personality, radio host, all these different things, I just started to feel like people were obsessed with the skillset piece, the how do I budget, asking me questions about credit or investing.
And I'm like, you realize the real problem is you though, right? Like you don't have as many challenges with money as you think you do.

It's not the money, it's the mindset that we need to work on. And so- after years of being on stages and doing all this stuff about money, I wanted to really focus on money mindset. And so I shifted to redefining wealth and helping people really look at their lives as a whole and look at the other pillars of life that represent how we get to the wealth that we desire.
And so at Redefining Wealth, I talk a lot about physical and mental fitness and our relationships and our space and how we set our life up to support us and our faith and working in our life's purpose and how all those things come together to help us make wiser decisions with our money.
So that's who I am and that's what I do.

00:04:07 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. It's amazing because I know mindset can be kind of a buzzword and you hear like, oh, people don't want to pay for help with their mindset or until they realize... that that's actually what's going on. Right. And like money is so emotional. Oh yeah.
So emotional.

00:04:23 - Amber Hawley
That's what I'm constantly telling my couples is, you know, doing couples therapy. It's like, there are people I see that are engineers or even financial planners. And it's like, Because money is emotional. It's not about having the know-how. It's not about, like you said, just the budgets.
That helps because I definitely... Most of my couples don't have budgets or spending plans or anything. But I do think the mindset piece is what keeps you from making those sustainable changes. So I love that you're speaking to that.

00:04:52 - Patrice Washington
Yeah. Because I think that who you are with $100 is who you are with $1,000 or who you are with $10,000. You can't put more money in someone's hand. you know, and then think all of a sudden they're going to make these wonderful, rational decisions. Like we know that our rational brain, part of our brain only accounts for so much of our decision making.
Most of it is the emotional piece. And so in our work, I really focus on Lack of fulfillment, because I really believe that when people are not fulfilled, they have a greater tendency to financially mismanage, right? Like they are always looking for that next thing that they think is going to make them feel better or make them be more accepted or make them feel more worthy.
And it's like the thing that you buy is not going to do that. You got to work on you, right?

You have to get to the root of what's even making that an issue for you. And so... I think I should have been a psychologist. I think I really should have. I know. I think everyone should know, right? In some form or fashion, you should have been forced to take a psychology class.
Because if we were more, you know, I think just aware that we're not, that we don't have to always be on automatic. Like we get to really explore why we do what we do. Like why do certain things come up for us? Then we can make so much more progress in any area.

00:06:14 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. And well, you can't create a life you love and want if you're on automatic pilot, right? And so I do think that that's a super important part.

00:06:22 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah. And that's why I love that you talk about, like you said, you have these six pillars and you talk about everything in your life. Because when one thing is jacked up, it does kind of impact your money, right? I can just think of all these different ways in which all of these things intertwine.
And when we're able to actually... dig in and not to overanalyze everything. But sometimes we do have to take that time to look at what is going on in our life. And if we're not happy, or if we're not meeting our goals, what is the reason? And it might be that you are not focusing on your physical health.
It might be that you are feeling out of control with your money. It might be that your relationships are out of whack. And that's what's impacting you. But you have to be willing to dig in and look at what things are impacting you.

00:07:08 - Patrice Washington
I worked with... hundreds of clients one-on-one back in the day when I was in Atlanta and helping them with financial coaching. And I would always hear different stories about, oh, I just never learned how to budget. My parents suck. They didn't teach me anything.
Always with a story. But the more I spoke with people and the more we unpack things, I would have clients who would complain about their employers, for example, or their work situation and very legitimate complaints. I'm not excusing the behavior of the employers or the circumstances or anything, but my clients would feel like, well, if I got another certification, if I got another degree, I'm going to go back to school.
It's like, but you could actually just take the same gifts to a new place. You don't really have to go back to school over and over and over again.

Or some people who think that I'll just keep climbing this ladder or I'll keep putting in all the effort, but why aren't they seeing me? And the truth is you're not even showing up the way you think you're showing up because you're still dealing with childhood trauma that's unresolved.
And so you think that if I go someplace else, if I move, if I get a new job or if I go do something else, but you're taking you with you. And for myself, I had to realize at a certain point that I had the education, but I didn't necessarily always have the esteem.
to go after the things that I wanted. And when I started therapy really intensely, one of the reasons was because I grew up feeling very ugly, very inadequate because I was told these different things by people in my family and also a lot of teasing growing up.

And I felt ugly. I felt, you know, I was too tall. I was too dark. I was, my lips were too big. My nose was too flat. Like anything that could be a diss, I got it as a kid. And especially for people that I love. And so I used to have dreams and visions of me being on stages, but they were frightened the heck out of me because I'm not going to stand somewhere and let people look straight at me and only me.
There's nothing else here. I'm like, no, that's a cruel nightmare. That's not even a dream. And so as I started to get older, though... Never. I love speaking. Always got in trouble for talking in school. No surprise there. I love speaking and I wanted to embrace it more, but I always felt so self-conscious about people looking directly at me that it was a thing for me.
And it wasn't until, you know, I had this scenario happen and my husband was like, he was my boyfriend at the time.

You really need to talk to somebody. And I know he was thinking like, I don't know if I can marry her. She's a little off. Like if she can't pull this together, I don't know.

00:09:44 - Maelisa Hall
Well, because if people haven't seen you, you are a beautiful woman. So I'm sure if he's like, why does this beautiful woman have these weird issues?

00:09:52 - Patrice Washington
She's gorgeous. Well, no, definitely didn't think that at the time for sure. And so when I started to go through counseling and deal with that childhood trauma and the hurt that comes from people who are supposed to love you, but they're also hurt people.
So they hurt you in words and deeds and really adopting. I learned a new definition for forgiveness, which was giving up the possibility of a better past and just, you know, kind of embracing and accepting what was for what it was. And there was so much work that I had to do on me.
But I always tell that story, especially to young people. Because when I fast forward and look at my life today and look at standing on stages where hundreds or thousands of people are looking at you at one time, or the fact that my face is on four different book covers, soon to be five, or that I've been on national television dozens of times now, I realized that had I not dealt with that, it would have prevented me from getting to the wealth that I experience today.

And so you have to... look at these different areas. And that's why I'm really passionate about redefining wealth because I don't want people to get caught up in the distractions. Everything outside of you is a distraction and it's designed to keep you from doing the work of looking at what are these different areas in your life where you could possibly go get some support or just take the time to reflect and be conscious of the decisions that you're making and how unsupportive they actually are in the bigger scheme of things.

00:11:19 - Amber Hawley
Yeah, and I think that's what really struck me and stands out to me about your mission and your podcast is that you're looking at it very holistically. And I think that that is important because you're right. There are so many things that impact how we deal with money, how we view money, how we view ourselves and how we show up in the world.
And so there are those times where therapy is needed because that's what helps you get past it. Or having somebody who gives you the clarity to say like, hey, you're telling yourself this story. And that's your reality, but it's really getting in the way of everything you want.
And that story is just that. It's a story. And so you need to change that narrative. But I think that's what, again, besides your body rolls, because that was amazing. Dancing in public, always good. Always good, people. But once I delved in and got to listen to the podcast, that's why I was like, oh, this is great.

Because especially as business owners, so our listeners mostly are business owners out there. It's so easy to have all of that stuff triggered and to have all of those stories defining the kind of life that you're leading because you haven't been able to figure out a different way of looking at it.

00:12:31 - Patrice Washington
Yeah. I know for me as a business owner, I've had to learn to give myself permission to get support. And give myself permission, because I grew up in a Caribbean family, single mom, single grandmother, very strong, independent women who I never really saw ask for help.
So I didn't have an example of what that really looked like. I was raised to figure it out. You know, you had a question, it's like, figure it out, figure it out. So matter of factly, like, figure it out, you know? And so I grew up pre-Google. So I'm like the kid with the encyclopedia or the dictionary, and you're just trying to figure it out or use your best.
you know, judgment at 10 to figure it out. And so how that impacted me later on in life, that was even as I built businesses and hired support staff, I still would find myself not able to delegate or not able to trust people to carry out the vision because I'm supposed to figure it out.

I'm supposed to be the one I'm supposed, you know, giving people very small tasks, like the dummy proof tasks, right? Like they can't mess this up. So I'll let them do that. But then not realizing how taxing that was on me mentally and physically to do everything and financially to pay other people to still do their job.
And I'm doing their job. That doesn't make sense either. But, you know, again, it's about taking a step back and looking at why do I do this? Why am I self-sabotaging? because that's what it is. Why am I preventing myself from being able to scale and grow?
Because I need to wear every hat on the organizational chart. This is not wise. And so I had to learn to give myself permission, and I'm still doing that. Give myself permission to accept support.

Let people help you. That's actually one of my next episodes, is people want to support you. They want to, but you keep telling the story about why they can't. or why they're not qualified or why they're not equipped. And that's, it's a story because if you allow other people to operate in their genius and you focus your time on your genius, the only thing that can happen is magic.
Like that's the story, you know, but we clouded with all these other stories. And also in my personal life, I realized that being raised by strong, single, independent women did not necessarily serve me when I got married. because I wanted to run my life the way I had become accustomed to seeing and doing.
And I had a husband that wanted to support. But I also was like, I don't really need you.

I like you around. I can do this. I can do that. And then when my daughter came, it's like I took on all of this weight and responsibility that was unnecessary. But then I would be Bitter in the background. Because I'm like, he's always gone, living his life, and I'm here with this baby and I got my own stuff to do.
And it's like, when he wanted to help, you told him he wasn't doing it right. You know how we can be like, Oh, you're not changing her, right? Or I don't like how you're holding her, your bounce is too hard, or you're walking too, you know. I was like, I was a terrorist and I didn't know how to accept no.
So that has been such a big thing for me too. Is like, man. There's so many things that we do. Again, we're self-sabotaging and we don't even realize that it doesn't have to be as hard. But those stories that we tell ourselves or that we allow ourselves to live in, you know, that no longer support us.

That was my mom's story. That was my grandma's story. They didn't have an option for support. Like they made the choices they made because it was not an option. And once I learned, girl, you have options, like choose wisely, then a lot of things started to open up for me.

00:16:17 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, I think that's such a good point too. It's not only about that. It's like maybe even something worked for you in your life at another time. And then things change. Then you have kids. Then you get married. Then you start a business. Then your husband loses his job.
Whatever it is, we have to continually adapt. And it's funny because you think you're on this... A lot of this is kind of like being on a personal growth journey, right? And you think like, Oh, okay. Yes, I made all this progress. I made it. I'm good.
And then... Something else comes along and you have to go back into it again. I know.

00:16:50 - Patrice Washington
That's what I talk about on my podcast too. I'm on this journey with the listeners. I always say, I'm not your guru. I am constantly... reevaluating and looking again at why does this come up for me or why is this coming up for me? I love the things, and I think it's really dangerous though, when you think that you've mastered something.

00:17:11 - Maelisa Hall
When you think that you've mastered something, you are on the straight path to disaster, right?

00:17:18 - Patrice Washington
I think because you stop putting in the effort that you were once putting in when you were trying to figure it out. And so you become a little more relaxed with it. You're not maybe honoring the boundaries as hardcore as you used to or just checking in as much as you used to.
And it is a constant thing. I realize I talk a lot about surrendering and being able to let go of things, which really falls in line with giving myself permission. And I realized that I've been really selective about the things I would surrender. Like, you know, I would...
give myself a bit more grace and surrender with finances. And I'm a Christian. So I talk from like the perspective of being a believer, but I'm like, okay, God, like you can have my finances, but like my husband, I got to work on him myself. Like I'm not going to be able to work on him in a special case, you know?

Or I'm like, okay, you can work with my husband, but like my daughter, I'm going to have to get in her butt because she's not, she don't get it. You know, it's like, I would be very selective about the things that I was willing to let go of or show some grace towards or have more compassion for, I was very compartmentalized, you know?
And so it's really cool when you get to keep going, like keep looking at yourself and going like, yeah, no, you're a mess. You're a beautiful mess. Like, but it's okay. Like to your point, this is a seasonal thing. In some seasons, I'm really great in some areas and then in others I fall off.
And then in the next season, I get to pick this back up and build it up while some other things. And I think that That's the great thing. There's always new tools and resources and different things that you're exposed to that can help you get things a little bit more deeper, get more conviction around them.

But I would be lying if I said I could give every pillar 100% at all times.

00:19:06 - Amber Hawley
Yeah, and I don't think that's realistic, right? No, I don't. I think that sometimes when people convince themselves of that, it's a way of feeling in control because it's very overwhelming to feel like oh, I'm going to always have to be working on this.
And I think you do learn that it's manageable, that you learn the coping mechanisms. But as Melissa says often, it's like new level, old devil. And so these things just pop back up, but you also build the confidence that, hey, I was able to do this before, I can do this again.
And I think this is so common for, I mean, for everyone really, but for women and business owners alike, where what you said earlier really struck me of I think there's this sense of, if I did it better, I wouldn't need this help. If I was doing more, then I wouldn't X, Y, Z, whatever that story is again.

And it is a sense of, I want to feel like I'm in control of this and it doesn't feel so scary. And it's making peace with that, that it's always going to be a work in progress, but that you will have the tools, like you just said, you will be equipped to be able to handle it But it's still, you have to be aware and you have to be working on it.
If you just want to be like, okay, I'm done and not have to think about it. Mastered it. You know, if that makes you feel like, oh, good, then I can kind of, it won't feel as heavy. But I think even in working through it, it becomes lighter and lighter and lighter.
So I just think that's a really good point. And I think a lot of people are going to hear that. they're going to get a lot of value out of hearing that. That no matter how successful you are, these things still come up.

00:20:45 - Maelisa Hall
And I think it's... I mean, I love the example you had about your own self-esteem and how you worked through that early on and how much that helped you be able to build this career in this business that you have. And I think it's important to look back and give ourselves credit for the stuff that we have worked through, right?
And to acknowledge that and think about it. But I also wonder if you, Patrice, would want to talk a little bit about who do you have around you that supports you but also challenges you? Because I think a lot of the stuff that you're talking about is so much easier to do when you have people around you who you know love you and who can point those things out.
I think about a couple months ago, Amber and I, we've been in this group where every week we're making these goals and everything. And a couple months ago, she was like, I notice... She was like, I just want to tell you, I notice...

All of your goals each week, they're not... These smaller goals are not actually in alignment with what you said is your bigger goal. And I was like, oh, snap, you're totally right. And it was just this blind spot for me. But to have someone who can bring those type of things up is so, so helpful.

00:21:52 - Patrice Washington
I have a couple different people. And I love that Amber brought that up for you because that's how I believe in designing my year, if you will, is creating the big vision for the year, but then breaking that down into quarterly goals. And then obviously weekly tasks to help me accomplish that.
And whenever I see my tasks not in alignment with what I said I wanted, it's a really great indication that I'm allowing myself to get busy, but not productive on what I said matters to me. So I love that, Amber. But who holds me accountable? First and foremost, you know who my biggest accountability partner is?
My daughter. My 11 year old daughter is a thug. She is a thug. She's very aware, very mature, very poised and compassionate. So she knows how to say that doesn't look right or sound right without really hurting your feelings.

Too much.

00:22:47 - Amber Hawley
Although she's a skill.

00:22:49 - Patrice Washington
Yeah. She's said some things in the past, like, oh, did they do that back in your day? So, you know, we're working on those things to make me feel like I was born in 1881. But when she's aware and we keep our goals on big post-its, a lot of times we have it hanging up.
So she knows what our family goals are. And she also is very aware whenever I'm launching something or doing something new, she's aware. She's just in the mix. We talk a lot. And so when she doesn't see me doing something in particular, or for example, I've been doing this fitness bootcamp where I'm challenging myself with these two-a-day workouts and a certain meal plan.
And the goal is to lose three to 5% body fat. And she's like, first of all, she's like, mom, why are you doing this? And I told her it was more like for the discipline to see if I could color by numbers and just freaking follow something from beginning to end, right?

Because I'm very... You know, as an entrepreneur and as someone who's pretty much been an entrepreneur my entire life, I'm very do what I want to do and go in the way that I want to go. So it's very easy for me to veer off the path and still, you know, make it seem or feel like my way was the best way.
And it's like, ma'am, follow a system once in your life. Just try. And so I was explaining that to her that for me, it was about exercising discipline and having accountability at the gym and with the coaches that you check in with and all this stuff.
And so... Right before we were getting started, she knew what the food list was and stuff. And I was thinking to myself, well, if we're starting tomorrow, I'm going to go ahead and get my cheat day out now. There's no cheat days on the plan. I was like, I'm going to be doing this hardcore for 42 days.
So definitely going to Roscoe's the day before. I mean, why not?

00:24:28 - Maelisa Hall
Every single person listening would be doing the same thing.

00:24:32 - Patrice Washington
I've never done that.

00:24:33 - Maelisa Hall
I'm like, every single time.

00:24:35 - Patrice Washington
And so we're pulling up and she's like, is this why? I'm like, it's the day. I mean, I haven't, she's like, but you started your, I'm like, no, I bought all the materials to start. I don't start until Monday, but I just love that, you know, she's so innocent about it.
And it's just like, if you say something, mom, I believe that once you say it, that's what you're going to do. So I'm expecting a follow through. And, you know, when she was little, I would tell my husband, don't promise her that we're going somewhere.
Cause if you change your mind, she'll never let it go. But she's the same now, even with, you know, the bigger goals or different things, she'll say like, does that really, is that going to help us get to that? Or like, did we forget? And so she's my number one.
My husband, I would like him to be number two, but I'm going to tell you why he can't be.

He can't be because he loves me too much. I don't know that my daughter loves me as much. No, I'm kidding. But she doesn't have an awareness of this, but my husband will give me a pass. Babe, you're right. You're I don't necessarily always agree with your significant other being your biggest accountability partner because they love you and they want you to be happy.
And so if you make up a good enough story, they're going to let you slide and they're going to be like, yeah, I want to accept your story because when I tell you mine, I want you to show me grace with my story. And so I don't necessarily, he's my biggest supporter and encourager, but I don't look to him for that level of accountability because I know he'll let me off the hook.
But I do have a tribe of women. We call ourselves the Legendary Collective. And it's a group of seven, also female entrepreneurs.

And we encourage each other. We talk biweekly. We set goals and just encourage each other in a group chat. And the same thing, we'll check in on each other. If that social media is not in alignment with what you said was the priority, we'll be like, what happened to promoting your course?
What happened? Where'd it go? Like, what's going on with doing your whatever? I thought we said we were launching this, you know? And then we meet in person stateside once a year. Some we're going towards twice a year. And then we meet internationally for seven days in the summer, every summer and kind of talk about what the next year looks like and stuff.
And so I actually have quite a few different accountability metrics in place. I just kind of keep people all around in different areas. You know, I have the coaches at the gym. who will be like, oh, I can tell you didn't follow what you were supposed to do.
You've been traveling or, you know, like, you know, and I love it.

That's why I chose a small gym because I don't want to be a number. You know, I want people to literally be like, hey, I haven't seen you. What's going on? Or let's catch up. What have you been doing? What's been working? What hasn't been working? And I do that in all areas.
I've gotten coaching in different areas of my life. If it's not counseling, it's some form of coaching. So for everything in my business, I've had a media coach. I've had a speaking coach. I've had a writing coach. I had a podcast coach. I am super, I'm coachable because I know that if left up to my own devices, the perfectionist in me would go in circles trying to be perfect and never making progress.
And so I really believe in having accountability and people knowing that I said I'm going to do something. I don't like to keep my goals a secret. because I can change that due date anytime I feel like it.

And if I say it out loud, then it's weird. I feel like I have a greater responsibility to do it once someone else knows than just even the responsibility to myself.

00:28:04 - Amber Hawley
Yes, I love that. And I think that stands true for so many people. And I agree. I think as far as talking about the spouse thing, There's a dynamic. Sometimes that is people's number one accountability person. And it really depends on the dynamic of your relationship and personalities.
For some people, I do hear that a lot. It's like their partner loves them and wants them to be happy. And so they're not going to challenge them in that way. And also what I hear is, hey, I don't want you to be mad at me when I'm the bad guy, quote unquote, and pointing out your...
discrepancy or hypocrisy or whatever is going on. And they don't want that pressure on the relationship. But that doesn't mean that your partner is not an awesome supporter because that's a very different role, right? To be the cheerleader is not to be the coach.
And so the person, I love that your daughter does that.

She sounds amazing. And I think there is something about the innocence of children when they say things, right? It's just like, wait, what's going on here? Pierces the heart. Oh, I know. It can be a little soul crushing at times. I have one of those too.
You have a few of those.

00:29:13 - Maelisa Hall
Yeah, I do. I do. I think it also speaks to though, like for that to be set up, how much you're sharing with her and how much you're communicating with her about what you're doing. And the fact that you have told her what your family goals are and like, My parents were amazing, but we didn't have any family goals.
I didn't know what the track was. You're just kind of guessing. So it's really, really awesome. I think it shows how much work you're putting into.

00:29:40 - Patrice Washington
We downsized recently. And I know you heard that podcast episode, The Blessing of Downsizing. And so we shared with her what the goals were, why we were downsizing, why we were leaving a 6,500 square foot house to move into a 2,000 square foot apartment, especially because you know how kids are.
So our house was like party house. And so, you know, we moved in May and people were used to coming to our house June, July, and August. Every month there's a party and some huge thing going on in our backyard. And we told her why we were doing it and what the bigger goal was because we knew that when people started asking her, like, when's the party?
Or like, what are we doing? And she would say, have to say, oh, well, we moved. that I didn't want her to feel like that was a bad thing or because she's heard our story of losing so much in the recession and she was a baby, so she doesn't remember any of that, but she's heard me tell the story over and over again from the stage or on interviews.

And I didn't want her to assume that, oh my gosh, we must be losing everything again. I wanted her to know that this was a very proactive decision, not a reactive thing. And so we sat down with her, we talked to her about what our vision was A part of the vision was, first of all, about just realizing that once we rebuilt our lives and thought that we were doing it to get back to this certain status or place, that once we had it, we realized we didn't really want it, that it wasn't a need.
It wasn't you know, it was 4,000 extra square feet to clean or hire someone to clean.

00:31:13 - Amber Hawley
That's what I would look at.

00:31:14 - Patrice Washington
Yes. Like I had seven bathrooms. Who wants to clean seven toilets? Not I. And even though I had people, you know, support, that wasn't the point. It was like, is this really necessary for where we want to go? And so we started to explain that to her, which I think was the best because also as a financial person, I want to make sure that she's clear that money doesn't define or these material possessions doesn't define what you have the capacity to do or not do.
And so our vision was to purchase investment property. And we showed her the building that we were buying, not physically, but showed her pictures. And we're trading in this house so that we know we can live comfortably, but we're going to buy these 20 units.
so that we can create great housing and a nice affordable place for other people.

And she got really pumped up about that. And so I said that to say, one day we were driving and she told me that she really likes that we involve her in our decisions and in our conversations because she has a friend who up and moved at the end of the year and didn't know that they were moving.
Like they found out like a week or so before school got out that they were moving that summer. Now we're moving next year. So our goal was to downsize, be here for a year, buy the properties we want to buy. We're actually in escrow on our third one. So there's a 20 unit, a 27 unit and a 43 unit that we're buying all in the same area.
And so we're moving back to Georgia next year, but my daughter knows that. So she's known this entire school year and she's preparing and told a few of her friends and friends.

She's going to have extra sleepovers and all this stuff to make sure that whatever she wants to see for her own life, because she has a right to that. This is her life. She has a right to plan what her next year looks like so that she can feel like she gets the most out of it.
Not to say she won't be sad to leave her friends or have any of those emotions, but she'll get what she wants to get out of this experience. So she's playing every sport she wants to play. She's talking to her favorite teachers and going to hang out with them and helping them.
And she's only been in school three weeks, but she's been so intentional about, I'm going to design this to look like whatever I want. And I think that if I leave her nothing else, if I leave her no material possessions or no money, I'm leaving her with the sense of she gets the right to plan and design her life and be an active participant.

And not someone who's always reactive and waiting on the sidelines. And that makes me really happy as a mom.

00:33:46 - Amber Hawley
I think that's fantastic. And you're giving her the ability to process and go through the year and know and work through all of those feelings as opposed to like, oh, here you go. This is what's happening. And just... deal with it. And I think giving her that opportunity for closure and like you said, making this year really count for her.
I think that's fantastic. So very exciting.

00:34:10 - Maelisa Hall
And the why behind it to hype it up. It's not like this, oh, we have to move. It's like, hey, we get to move because we are doing this super exciting thing. Yeah.

00:34:21 - Amber Hawley
I think it's interesting. We've been contemplating moving as well. we have not decided there is no final, like we may never move because we have a good support network. But we've been contemplating and my daughter at first was like, no, because she's eight and a half.
And then all of a sudden, we were looking at homes in like Asheville, North Carolina. And she's like, I want my bedroom on the second floor. So it's just like, again, giving space. And again, we may never move, but allowing them to be a part of the process, I think is huge.
So I like that. Wonderful. It sounds like So beyond your daughter, you have this great group of women, that kind of inner circle that we would call it of people. I love it. I love it.

00:35:05 - Patrice Washington
And we got together because we all felt alone in our respective industries. Like we're not in the same industries. We're just all, you know, female entrepreneurs, but we all felt this alone on an Island type of feeling. And then, you know how it is. Like once you get to, a certain place, you don't feel like you can be real.
You don't feel like you can just let your hair down and just say, you know what? I'm not feeling this today or I want to start over. And I think being in that group for the last two and a half years now is also what gave me permission to pivot from my original platform, which was Real Money Answers and very personal finance specific to embracing redefining wealth.
Because for me, it was creating a space that I didn't necessarily know how other people were going to receive it because I was getting outside of my money box, this little perfect, neatly packed box that got invited on Dr. Oz and Steve Harvey show and all these, you know, and Fox and all these different stations over and over again.

You know, it was not, I'm a personal finance expert. Am I supposed to be talking about mental health or am I supposed to be talking about physical fitness or am I supposed to be talking about clutter and, you know, your space or faith and all these things?
But having that support system and being able to say, but being in this box is killing me and having other women affirm that and say, then that means it's time to crawl out and it's okay. And the people who are supposed to receive the message are going to receive it.
And those that feel some kind of way about it, screw them. And my husband could have told me that, which he did, but... still sounded much better coming from a group of women who I admire and adore and who are successful in their own rights and who also have had to make some of those difficult decisions at one point or another to pivot and to head in a different direction and do something that's scary.

It doesn't matter how much success you've had. Anytime your audience or your clients or customers have are going to hear or see something different or experience something different from you. And you know, that hasn't been the norm. It's scary. It's like, you know, you do wonder.
And I told you about my esteem problems as a kid. So, you know, you do wonder, are they going to come out to play? Are they wanting, is this something that they'll want to receive from me? Like they've been used to this. And so having that support system was really, really important for me.
And as we continue to have our trips and our calls and I keep flushing out different layers of where I see myself going, it's really good to have that, like you did for Melissa, come back, have them come back and say, well, I know you're saying this now, but what happened to what you said in January?

Is that still a thing? How do you see this tying in? And just making sure that it's kind of always in alignment with the original thing. Because sometimes we have great ideas, not necessarily in alignment for this season. Some things might just need to be put on the back burner for another time.
You know, they're not the main thing, but we're giving it main thing attention. And so I love having that. I love having that. And my husband does, he does that too. But again, you know, when I have to do your laundry, I can't always listen.

00:38:21 - Amber Hawley
Which is funny. So true. When I have couples come in, I'll say something and the partner will be like, oh, yeah. And the other person will say, I've been saying that for three years. I'm like, well, it always sounds better coming from a neutral party.

00:38:36 - Patrice Washington
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

00:38:40 - Amber Hawley
Awesome. Thank you so much, Patrice, for coming on. And I think our listeners are going to find a lot of value in this. And, you know, there's so much about the mindset and kind of your approach to things, but also, you know, the value of that structure of those people within your support system and your willingness to be open to it, I think is huge.

00:39:02 - Patrice Washington
Yeah.

00:39:02 - Amber Hawley
And it takes time.

00:39:04 - Patrice Washington
Yeah. It takes time. It's not an overnight thing because I think you have to build up that level of trust. And so you start giving little pieces and then you see how people handle it and then you can give more and more and more. So I don't want anyone to think, that it's an overnight thing.
It's definitely a process.

00:39:23 - Amber Hawley
Yeah.

00:39:24 - Patrice Washington
Yeah.

00:39:25 - Amber Hawley
As I like to quote, I think I've quoted before on the podcast, Brene Brown talks about this and she's a shame researcher and really amazing person. But she talks about you're putting marbles in a jar. And so you share one marble at a time and decide, is this person worthy of me continuing to be vulnerable and put that in?
And it does take time, which is frustrating when you're feeling like you need support right now. But then when you look back and you say, oh, wow, look what's been built. Look at this relationship or look at where I am now because I put one marble at a time in there.

00:39:59 - Patrice Washington
You know what has helped me too, though? I love that you said that because when you're feeling like, but I need support right now, I think the thing that's helped me most is supporting other people. Like in the midst of feeling like I need support right now is giving whatever I do have, whatever I do know, whatever I do feel certain about to other people who need support.
Because sometimes I think it's really amazing how this happens, but sometimes you'll hear yourself, you'll hear yourself supporting someone else or being that listening ear or giving some nugget of wisdom, if you will. And then you're like, oh shoot, I needed that.
So then you kind of circle back and become your own support. Because I think that the support is always available. And I think that we, 95% of the time, I'm making that up.

That's nothing scientific. But so often we have what we need, but our stories are blocking us from receiving it from ourselves too. Like we already know the answer a lot of times, but I find that when I'm telling other people the answer, it's the refresher for me.
Yes.

00:41:06 - Amber Hawley
Yeah. A hundred percent. Yes. That is exactly why I continue to do therapy because when I help my people, I'm like, oh yeah, that's me.

00:41:19 - Patrice Washington
See yourself in it. Yeah.

00:41:21 - Amber Hawley
Yes. Thanks again for being with us. I feel like this is, like I said, very valuable. Where can people go to find you and check out more of your amazingness?

00:41:31 - Patrice Washington
Come find me. I want to be found at patricewashington.com. That's patricewashington.com. And I interact quite a bit in social media, mostly on Twitter and Instagram. And that's Seek Wisdom PCW. Seek Wisdom PCW.

00:41:47 - Amber Hawley
Nice. And because these are podcast listeners, of course, the Redefining Wealth podcast. And it is amazing. Wonderful stuff there.

00:41:55 - Patrice Washington
Thank you so much. It's my pride and joy. It's my baby right now. The little podcast that almost didn't happen.

00:42:02 - Amber Hawley
We're glad it did. Yes, we are so glad. And so while you're over there looking for redefining wealth, head on over to MyBizBestie and subscribe if you haven't already done so. And let us know, share the love, give us a review, people. It's what keeps us going and lets other people find us.