5 Keys to Increasing Resilience and Achieving Your Big Goals With Lexi Soulios

Business owners are increasingly being pulled in so many directions, feeling like they aren't reaching their full potential in business and life despite their type a ways. With my background as a therapist, entrepreneur, and as a.com dropout with ADHD, I interview and coach high achieving business owners like you who want to stop struggling for success by using psychological systems, strategies, and the occasional carefrontation. This is the easily distracted entrepreneur your place to slay overwhelm perfectionism and shiny object syndrome so that you can get done what matters most to you. Hello, hello, neurospicy nation. I got a couple of things that are making me extra spicy this week. On my bitchy spice side, it's daylight savings this week, and I'm over it. The two weeks after springing forward is the highest rate of both car accidents and heart attacks, which I love when there is real data to back up things that I think are stupid and should no longer exist because it is super validating. And really, I just want to be really super whiny about the fact that I finally started waking up at a decent hour to do my workouts in the morning and now that shit's over for the next six months. On the love spicy side, though, Ted Lasso season three premieres today. That is, if you're listening on the same day that this episode goes live. I am beyond excited. I am over the moon because that show fills my soul like it speaks to my soul. My 13 year old and I are planning a whole special meal situation. Apparently, she has already put in an order with my husband of the snacks and chips and soda that she is requiring. And so smartly. She said, mom and I need unbeknownst to me, so smart. Smart girl. We would love to binge watch, of course, but I believe they're only releasing one episode at a time, which is good because I need help in learning to be patient. It's not one of my strong suits. In other amazing news, I want to invite you to a free training that's happening on Monday, March 27 at 05:00 P.m. Pacific, called Designing Your Perfect Work Week. To me, the foundation of our productivity as business owners comes from our schedule and plan for each week. That structure can mean the difference between feeling overworked and overwhelmed and feeling on top of your work and rested. I work with clients to create their perfect work week, but reality is we need to revisit it and adjust it for our current workloads, the season that we're in, and the demands on our time. I want to support you in creating that structure, even for those of you who deeply resist such things so you can achieve your bigger goals, make more money, and actually have downtime and fun outside of your business. To register for the free training, head on over to Amberholly.com Time and saveyourseat. In today's episode, I get to chat with my dear friend Lexi Soulios. Lexi is a therapist and growth strategist who helps leaders clear stubborn patterns so they can reach their next level in business, relationships, and life. Lexi's work has been featured in Forbes, the Huffington Post, and Bustle Magazine, to name a few. And she did an amazing workshop for the Incubator in February, and I want to have her back for every new iteration of the Incubator as people come in to set us up. Right. Because it was so transformational and amazing. So, without further ado, here is my conversation with Lexi. Hey, Lexi. Welcome to the podcast. Hi, Amber. So happy to be here with you. I know. I feel like it's funny that you're finally coming on. I feel like I'm spending all my time with you these days. Yeah, if I hadn't been sick last week, we would have gotten together a couple of times. Exactly. Well, I think the listeners are in for a real treat because I just recently had you in my Incubator program where you did an opening, I guess what would you call it? You did a meeting to kind of set the tone for achieving big goals. And it was so well received. People absolutely loved it and kept talking about the energy because we had a couple of speakers that week, and just it was the beginning of the program, and I was like, I think you need to come in every single cohort and teach that class. I love that. I'm totally down for it. Yeah. And that's kind of we're touching a little bit. I mean, it was obviously very experiential and different, but it also made me think about well, it was setting people up for achieving their big goals. Right. And that's something that you talk about a lot, is resiliency and achieving big things. So I guess maybe you can start with kind of a little bit about your approach and the kind of work that you do. Sure. So, I am a therapist and growth strategist, and I specifically help leaders and visionaries clear the stubborn blocks that are in the way of their next level goals. So I really help people strategize about how to get to those big accomplishments that they are trying to achieve, and I do that through therapeutic means and also through coaching. So maybe you can touch on because I know, like you said, you work in two different kind of ways, different modalities. What is it that you do on the therapeutic side to address those blocks? So on the therapeutic side, I actually help people really get to the deeper layers, like the deeper root causes of what's going on with them and in particular, family and ancestral causes. And then somaticized trauma and difficult things from their childhood, so times that they were overwhelmed or didn't have the protection or the support that they needed. But it's like now trapped in their nervous system and they're living it as a reality. And it's not just a thing in their mind that they can kind of talk out. This is something that has gone deeper, sort of into their deeper programming that makes it really hard to access through talk therapies and things like that. Yeah. And I think that's what I find really interesting about the work you do. And I know you also said you also do the coaching side of things, which is approaching it a little bit differently. But it's true though, we have so many layers in which our blocks can show up, especially as entrepreneurs. I think personal development is so important as an entrepreneur because all of our stuff gets triggered, like you're saying, and some of these things are much deeper and much more ingrained than others. And so I always love looking at different ways of approaching different modalities to help people kind of release that or move forward instead of just feeling like there's something wrong with me. Right, totally. Yeah. We are such complex, dynamic beings. So to think that just getting business coaching or just going to a top therapist or even just getting the deeper work done, to think that just focusing on one thing is going to give us the compLexity of support that we need as dynamic beings. It's really falling short of what we actually do need in order to be able to achieve the big goals that we have and something that we're kind of leading right into what we're going to talk about today, which is resilience. Right. And why that is so important when you're an entrepreneur, when you're ambitious. And it's really because we are as entrepreneurs, as ambitious people, we're constantly stretching outside of our comfort zone. We're not sitting on the couch watching TV every night, waking up, going to a nine to five job, doing something, typing on the typewriter. We are challenging ourselves constantly. We're making ourselves vulnerable, we're learning new things, we're expanding our network. So there are so many ways that we will feel raw, that we'll feel like, oh, we put ourselves out there and shoot, it didn't go the way we wanted it to go, or we really opened up ourselves, we were really visible. And then we hear one person make some comment and it just cuts us to our core. And as entrepreneurs and ambitious people, we really need to understand how to be more resilient and how to get that dialed in so that we can achieve the big things that we're trying to accomplish. Yeah, I'm kind of laughing in my head because I'm like, this is one of those things that I talk to people about every day. And there's an energetic toll to the kind of, like, constantly being in growth mode, constantly trying to expand and grow and like you said, learning how to or even just having to deal with negativity that comes in. Or it might be inherently negative, but it's just something that feels critical or makes you kind of doubt yourself. I think that that's one of those things that really contributes to people's overwhelm and then getting kind of mired down and stuck in it, right? Totally. So as you talked about resiliency a little bit, it almost sounded like you were also talking about this is like not the best term, but kind of building a thicker skin, so to speak. Would that be right? Well, it's funny that you bring that up because actually have you read the book Antifragile? No is a really cool book and you can listen on Audible or actually read the book, but there's kind of a basic idea to what antifragility is. And when you're looking at anything that is under stress, either it's fragile, it gets like beaten down by the stress, breaks down, doesn't work, or it is getting hit by stress and is withstanding the stress. Right. Strong. What something that's antifragile is, it gets hit by stress, but in response to the stress, it actually becomes stronger and harder. It becomes better through the chaos, through the disorganization, through the stress. And so when you're talking about getting a thicker skin, it is kind of like that, right? Like as entrepreneurs and ambitious people, we're not wanting to just be able to I mean, just being able to withstand the stress. Okay, great. But we are to your point of being in growth mode, we are wanting to be better, right? We're wanting to learn, we're wanting to get stronger. We're wanting to get more dynamic, more masterful. And so that's really what I think is the goal with learning how to become more resilient and really putting in the five keys that we're going to be talking about, really putting those five keys to resiliency in place so that we can become better than we are right now. I'm going to have to read that because I do like that idea of I think about it even as we talk about burnout or overwhelm. It's not necessarily all that's on your plate or all the goals you have or everything that you're doing or the hours you're working. It's how you interpret them. Right. So that's kind of that idea of like as stuff comes in, you're either taking the beating from it or you're getting stronger from it. Like you're handling it, you're managing it better, right? Totally. Yeah. So you mentioned the five things, so I think obviously let's just jump right into that because people want to know, so what are the five things that people can do? Awesome. So I'm going to read them all first and then we can go into each one a little bit. So the first key to Resilience is meaning. It's the meaning that what meaning are you giving the events of your life? The second key is foundational body care. Third key is having a robust support network in place. The fourth key is connection with your own authentic self. And the fifth key is creative adaptability. So we'll get into each one of those. So let's start with number one. Meaning, so as entrepreneurs, business owners, as people that are stretching outside of our comfort zones and trying to grow our businesses and all of that, we are going to have crappy things happen all the time, right? We're going to be frustrated by technology not working. We're going to have social media posts we put out nothing. It's crickets. We're going to have launches that maybe don't hit the way that we want them to. They don't hit the numbers we want, whatever it is. And what meaning are we going to assign to those things that happen? And people who are successful. If you talk to people who are highly successful, every one of them will talk in a way where they have a friendly relationship with life, where they see what is happening. It's happening for them. It's happening to help them grow. It's happening to get them off one path that maybe wasn't actually going to be that good for them, even though they initially thought it was. And when you talk to people who fall short, who give up on their dreams, they tend to assign meanings where they will think that things are indicating that they're a loser, they shouldn't be doing this, they can't do this. They need permission to really put themselves out there, those kinds of things. So the meaning that we assign to the events of our life, I would say, is the most important factor in whether we actually make it to the goal, we make it to the finish line, or we give up and fall short. I could see that because when you were saying that my thought. It's like you're either saying, okay, this thing happened. What can I learn from it? So like that growth mindset or understanding that there's some information for me in this. And the other one, the second that you talked about is really about assigning a character logical or there's something wrong with me or I'm not on the right path. Right. It's not really taking any lessons or opportunity to continue to put yourself out there. It's really looking at like, oh well, obviously this isn't possible, right? Totally. And there's something wrong with me kind of thing. Right. And how can you sustain that? How can you keep going and keep going at the level and to the demands that come at you when you're trying to make a success of your business? How can you keep going if year after year after year you are telling yourself, there's something wrong with me, this isn't working because I'm not good enough, I'm not like all those other people. It just is going to totally flatten you and make it so you can't really recover at some point. Yeah. The sad thing is because there's a lot of neurospicy people that listen to this podcast. And that is one of those traits, like impostor syndrome for especially female business owners, but for men and women. But that impostor syndrome. Or even if it's not that, it's not about visibility. It's about something. You drop a ball or something goes wrong. I feel like I've heard every client say, I say it, I say it to myself. Sometimes I'm like, what is wrong with me? What the hell? I know better. What am I doing? And so I think it's even harder when you have a brain that works differently, because you're already getting all these messages about, oh, that's simple. Why is that a problem for you? And all of that kind of stuff. So I think learning resiliency, I think there's, like, self acceptance is a big piece of it. And then also, like, you're saying, how do you develop more resiliency, especially for us neurospicy people? Yeah. So I'm curious for you, Amber, what kind of meanings do you find or do you find with your clients are actually helpful for neuro called neurodivergent? Neurospicy. I feel goofy saying it myself. I know that's not really your aesthetic, but it's true. Neurodiverse. Neurodivergent. You are right. That is correct. What kind of meaning could you give an example of a shifted meaning from that kind of, what's wrong with me? My brain doesn't work like everyone else's or like it's supposed to, to something that would be a meaning that is actually more helpful, more indicative of life, that, you're back, you're awesome. You can fucking do this. Yeah. So, like you said, you kind of touched on it. I think the narrative that I hear the most is somehow it means that they're a bad business owner or they're not good enough, right? So there's this idea of, like, look, I can't even follow up with people in a timely fashion, or I can't get this proposal out, and then I lost the opportunity, or I can't finish my taxes, or I didn't bill people, or the list goes on and on and on. And then it's like, well, obviously, I'm not cut out for this, right? There's something inherently wrong with me, because that's the meeting. I'm not cut out for this. And unfortunately, so many people have been given that feedback throughout their life. Like, usually you're lazy, you're not smart enough, you're not good enough. Because our brains do work differently in the world. It's not exactly supportive of that. And it's built for a different kind of brain, and so we can hit that place of exhaustion. So even people will try to put on that. We call it masking, right? Like, put up the mask and everything's great, and I'm on top of everything. And then the minute that something drops, it's like you just like, oh, yeah, well, that's not even the real me. The real me isn't good enough. Right? So that's the negative part of it. When I see people transform, it's usually like, I think self compassion is a big piece of it. Like you're saying not attributing mistakes as being character logical defects. That's a big piece. But I do think it's also this idea of I guess I'll speak for myself because that's the example that popped in my head, and I have no fucking control over that. As I've talked about in other episodes, our brain is almost like a separate entity from us, where I used to say, like, oh, I didn't get this done. Or like, the house wasn't clean, or, this didn't happen. Why can't I stay on top of things? And now I'm like, well, that's just not super fucking important to me. And that's just how I roll. I kind of embrace that's how I roll. I do it last minute. This is how I do it. And then it's like I'm just honoring my natural tendencies instead of judging them. I'm like, how about if I just roll with this? Because then you're not even in defensiveness, right? So if other people are saying things to you of like, oh, you're supposed to do this, or why couldn't you do this? Because I've had that. Now another one popped in my head. Like, why can't you get to the post office and mail this thing? Why is that such a big deal? And I was like, well, I don't know. There's just this barrier, but I can do some fucking amazing shit. I can make magic happen. But you ask me to go to the post office, you might as well ask me to climb Everest, right? So I think there's this self acceptance almost kind of like, you can judge me for that, but that's dumb. I don't need to be the master of the post office. That's not my goal in life. Look at how well I get mail out on a timely fashion. Like I could give a fuck. So I think it's that piece. And that's kind of what I see in my clients as well. There's this self compassion and self acceptance and then this questioning of why is that important? Yeah, I love that the meaning that you're giving it is really like you're meant to do things that are more important than getting the mail out. Like showing you that and showing you that someday you're going to have an assistant who's stoked to do all of the things, all of the little things that just like absolutely. They're just not quite at your pace. Yeah, I was like, that's what I did. I hired people who did that stuff. So then the facade is continued because people would get stuff in a timely fashion, I guess. Whatever. Who cares? I think how that shows up. But I could see, like, you're saying that the meaning we give things is huge. Like, that alone could be transformational. Yeah. So number one is the meaning we give things. Number two is foundational body care. So kind of boring and sometimes we don't want to do it. But it's really true. If we are not getting proper sleep, if we're eating like shit, if we are not moving our body at all, all of these things are going to affect the way that we feel. They're going to affect how resilient we actually are. So number two is foundational body care. Also included. That which is very important is non sleep rest. So meditation, something that puts us in a state of flow and all of those things are very important to keep us feeling capable, to keep us feeling resilience. Like resiliency, like we can bounce back from the daily things that kind of knock at us. Yeah, I say that stuff too where I say it's not sexy, this stuff's not sexy. But the foundational stuff really is so important. Like sleep, like you said, sleep at movement, how we're nourishing ourselves. I really love though, that you mentioned non sleep rest because that's the other thing that I don't think as entrepreneurs we do so well, right? There's this idea of like well if I'm not sleeping I should be doing something, right? Exactly. And then a lot of times we will get so fried that we wind up just scrolling on our phones and that is actually fun. Like sometimes ten minutes of that or whatever, an hour of that sometimes it is actually gives us a little boost that can do good things for us. But we at some point will start getting depleted just from doing that. Our minds will start getting scattered. We kind of lose our own agenda for the day, those kinds of things. But having that non sleep rest where we are in meditation or just doing quite frankly nothing, just sitting there staring at a wall, those kinds of things are actually they've done studies where they've found that those are actually quite restorative for the body and mind. Maybe that's why I like so many people, enjoy being outside. I mean, I know there are other aspects to that around stress management, but I think it's because you're not sitting in your four walls and staring at a wall because that might feel different. But when you're outside and you're just like taking nature in and there's not a TV to look at or I mean, there is a screen, right? Because we carry them now, but I could see where that's really helpful because it's almost like taking away all the temptations of needing to do something, quote unquote. Yeah, totally. I love that. So what's number three? The third key to resilience is having a robust support system. And what I mean when I say robust support system is I'm talking about a social support system. So family, friends, that kind of thing, where you just have people to laugh with, cry with, all of that. And then also to have a professional support system where you have therapists, coaches, teachers, mentors, that kind of thing. And if you can create a robust support system, you have people to remind you of your best self, people to remind you you're not alone. And we know whenever we get our confidence knocked or we're exhausted or what have you, we start to have those voices come in, those thoughts come in that we're the only one, we're a loser, we're not meant to do this. Whatever kind of crap our tired mind is going to feed us, we are so vulnerable to that. But when we have a rich support system, it can reset us within a matter of 20 to 30 minutes, and we feel like ourselves again and we feel ready to go forward. Yeah. And I think I like the word robust because I will often say to people, one other person is a partnership. That's not a support system. We need to have more than one person. And like you said, that still kind of different needs, because if somebody's busy or they're going through something or whatever, the longer we sit in that negative space, the more that that solidifies for us. Right. So I imagine, like, catching it early is one of those things that kind of help you turn it around quicker. Absolutely. Yeah. It's so important. I love that. And so the fourth key to resilience is having a connection with your authentic self. So having some kind of a practice where it's just you, it's an opportunity to hear yourself in prayer, to be in meditation, or to journal. You need some kind of a way on a regular basis to be connecting with your own authentic self, free from other people's input, free from what other people think you should do or the agendas that your family members have and all of those things. If you can connect with your authentic self on a regular basis, it's going to help you stay in alignment with your own priorities. It's going to keep you in touch with that why. So why are you doing your business? Why are you trying to grow? What is so important about that to you? And that is a really big part of being resilient is staying in touch with those whys and in touch with those parts of yourself that really are quite clear and intentional. Yeah. And I guess even when the examples of meditation and journaling, part of that too, is if we don't give ourselves space to figure out how we feel about things or what we think about things, and we're only taking in others, like you're saying you don't have that voice. And the more that we know, like, this is what I believe, this is what's true for me, then I think there's a confidence in that. Right? Totally. Exactly. Yeah. Clarity is confidence, right? Yeah, 100%. And again, I like the distinction that it's about in touch with your authentic self because you could be clear about something. Like, I've read many books you read it and then you're like, oh, this is the oh, absolutely. This is this principle, and this makes sense. And I've worked with people where they could quote you, like, every book, every thought, but then they've never taken the time to think about it. And so there's all these conflicting theories and thoughts because everybody has their own point of view. And I find that those people are the ones that really get stuck because they don't know. They kind of get into indecision because there's there's there's like cognitive dissonance happening. Right? Yeah. Yeah, totally. And it's really easy to lose yourself when you have a lot of voices that feel a lot stronger than your own. You can get lost and totally what you actually think. Like you said, if they haven't processed it through and integrated it yet, then what you actually think never really forms and really lands in you. And then if you just know what you think but you don't connect with it very often, it'll start getting drowned out by the strong opinions of others. So good. I don't want to put you on the spot, but are there other ways to do that besides meditation or journaling? Or are those like the two highways, the two biggest routes? Well, I think it's different, probably, for everyone. And if you don't know what your way is, find out. Explore. But I do think many people probably know those moments where they can really actually hear themselves. For some people, it may be body surfing. When they're out there in the waves and they're all alone, they may get absolute clarity. For others, maybe it's talking to a friend. But really just saying, will you let me just talk, just hear me out. I don't want any feedback. And for some people, it may be talking. For others, it may be prayer. I get really clear when I'm in prayer because whatever doesn't make it into my prayer, whatever I'm not asking for or expressing gratitude for, is just superfluous. I know it's not authentic and it's not a priority for me. So I think it's really unique to everyone. But that's helpful, I think, too. And I always think of stuff like surfing or even going on walks right. Or yoga or something that's also very meditative. So I just think there are different forms of meditation or being in flow. But when you said that for me, I have this thought so often of one of the benefits of being both a therapist and a business coach is like, as I'm talking to people and saying it, it solidifies for me because I know I believe it. And then I'm like, Well, I need to be in alignment. And sometimes the themes that keep coming up with people through the week and you're like, wow, I really needed to learn this lesson because I'm saying it over and over and over. So that was really helpful. Thank you. Cool. Yeah, I love that. They say we teach what we need to learn. We hear ourselves saying it enough where it really actually sinks in for us. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I get that firsthand too. Was that number five or was that number four? Sorry, that was four. Okay. So number five is creative adaptability. So part of resilience is things happen, we can weather them. But then we talked about wanting to actually be better and also wanting to feel that life has our back. Right? That was one the first key. What meaning are we giving it? So if we are having ourselves be adaptable in a creative way, then whatever comes our way, we are going to look at the situation with a lot of fLexibility and a lot of curiosity to how could this actually be better? How could this situation, like whatever is coming to me? Let's say I did a launch and it didn't work. What is awesome about this? What could this mean for me? What could I do with this? How could I repurpose this content? Do I actually even want to do what I was launching? And sometimes we find we spent all this time and money, the launch didn't go well. And then we realized, you know what, I actually don't really want to work with people in that way anyway. It would have been way too time intensive for me. I'd rather just do it this other way. So creative adaptability is all about looking at whatever is happening in our life, in our situation, and asking ourselves like, okay, how could this be even better? And I guess it makes me think too. Those are kind of those mirror I guess we would maybe call them the miracle questions. I'm not sure, but if that technically is it where sometimes when you're really struggling or you feel stuck and you ask myself, how can this be easier? How can this be easy? What can I do? And sometimes there's some other approach, like you're saying, right, you're getting creative. Sometimes it's just about mentally letting go of what we thought it was supposed to look like. Totally. Yeah, 100%. And I have a really good personal story about that where I tend towards perfectionism. And I imagine a number of your listeners probably do as well. And being neurodivergent, I imagine having to work so hard to try to get to this level, to try to prove yourself or keep up with the way you think these other people are doing it, or ways that you've been shown that you're supposed to be doing it. And so it can create a lot of extra work for you, a lot of extra time, that kind of stuff. So I have that myself, that tendency to I'll think, like, oh, I should do it this way. It would be really good if I turned this launch into a four day challenge. And then the four day challenge means now I've got to create all of these emails. I've got to write the challenge, I've got to create a Facebook group and someone to manage it. I just made a big, huge project for myself when initially the launch was going to be a few emails. And so I was going into a situation like that with a colleague that we were going to lead something together. And she works in corporate, and she's very busy, doesn't have a lot of time. And when I mentioned to her that exact thing about a challenge of how we could launch this thing that we're doing together, she said she's like, okay, well, I need us to think about what actually has the best leverage, what is the best use of our time? Will doing this challenge actually accomplish what the first thing we are going to do? Will it accomplish it so much more and make it so much better? And I knew the answer right away. It was no. It was like, no. It was just adding a hell of a lot of time for me, and it was going to be a waste. And honestly, if I hadn't had her say that to me, if I hadn't had that reflection, I would have done the stinking challenge. Because I get in my own trance about things and I do them to this perfectionistic level, and it doesn't have the ROI that it really should, that creative adaptability of being like, what is good about this situation? How could I make it even better? Or to your point, how could I make it easier? And that's what that experience showed me, was like, we can make things a lot easier, and we're not always going the easy route. Right? That is such a great story, though, because you're right, I would suspect most of my listeners are I always say, like, Type A, go getter, perfectionist types. We're very high achieving. And I base that on the clients that I'm working with, right? And listeners that I've spoken to where that perfectionistic piece comes up. But I love that story because the other piece of it is you could have gotten that reflection and said, no, but I have to do it this way. So that was the fLexibility, right, that was being able to say, no, because we build in, like, well, this is better. Doing more is better is better. Making it more complex is better. And so having it makes sense why that's the resiliency of, like, no, that was distraction. It's not necessary. Totally. Yeah, I find that too. I find that with myself a lot. And again, I see it in others as well, but I see it where I always say we're building boxes on things, and especially being ADHD, it's like, Well, I can't do this until I do this. And sometimes things are connected in that way, and there's a logical sequence, right? But sometimes the thing that we've connected to, it's like, theoretically. Yes. And often that would be like the best case. Like you said, perfectionistic. Best case scenario would be nice, too. But it's not. Absolutely. One is not contingent on the other. Right. You could still launch your thing and not do a challenge. But sometimes we get so stuck in our heads, and that's that part with the executive functioning that's so hard. It's like the prioritization or being able to shift gears when things are happening. I think that's where we can get really stuck because we've built this box, or we've built this chain link, I should say, where everything is connected. And so you have to go down that path, and usually it's time consuming, exhausting, and not necessary. Right. So I think that's a perfect story, though, the perfect example that you just gave. I love it. Yeah, I love the way that you sum that up as well. And creative adaptability is really including our problem solving skills. When we have challenges come our way, when we get knocked down in some way, how are we going to solve this, and what is the best or easiest or most fun? What is the greatest possible way that we can solve this problem? Yeah, as you said, that I think we also get attached to. It had to look a certain way for it to be good or valid or legit or whatever it is. Right. It has to look a certain way. And so that's what's important sometimes when we get stuck in that and we can't exercise that fLexibility in it. And then something you just said at the end there is like, play. I don't know if you said playful, but you said something about playing or having more fun. That's what it was. I think that's such a piece of it, too. It's like how we approach things, right? Like, when I think about that, if we're having more fun, it feels easier, and then it just seems to flow better, right? Completely. Yeah. When we were together with Jesse, when you and me and Jesse, we were doing our New Year stuff, I hope it's okay that I'm mentioning 100% open book. Okay, great. When we were together and we were, like, writing down what we wanted for our business this coming year, et cetera, et cetera, one of the things that I realized, one of my main takeaways was I want to do business in my own way this year. And what that means is it has to feel good for me, and if it doesn't feel good for me, I don't want to do it anymore. And I've heard people say that before, and I've thought, like, well, some parts of your business, they're just not going to feel great, but you've got to do them. But for me, what it means, because my business is so much about working with people, it means if I'm working with people I don't feel good around, I don't feel happy with. I feel like they are projecting a lot of stuff on me or not communicating respectfully. Something is feeling really difficult. I'm not at ease in the situation. Then I don't actually have to do business with them. I can actually walk away and only do business with the people that I enjoy, that we communicate well, we can move through any difficulty. We enjoy each other, we want to have a good time, we want to get better, really support each other and that kind of stuff. Yes. And it's interesting, like I said, there's always themes that seem to come up, like either in the day or in the week or sometimes the month. Right. That just happened today where I was talking to a client. Same that stuff you and I talk about being very perfectionistic. She was talking about a client who's just a little bit of a struggle and the way they communicate. And she's like, but I need to learn because she's very growth oriented. I need to learn how to handle that better. And some other stuff was said and I was like, oh, I have a lot of thoughts on this. There's two different pieces on this, though. I said, on the personal side, I understand being able to deal with difficult people, whatever. And I said, but actually, on the business side, I was like, Why is that an edge? Why is that something you need to grow through? Because for me, I'm like I actually think the energy is so to what you just said. The energy is so much better when we're working with people in alignment with us and that are like our ideal client. Right. Not that everybody's the same and they have to be the same. It's not about having people that are different, but when you experience somebody as critical or harsh or difficult, I'm like, is that a real thing you need to take on? I mean, you could theoretically, right? But not when you're really overwhelmed. I don't know that that's helpful. I guess there's that theme coming up right now. Yeah. I really appreciate what you shared about that. And it actually makes me think of this video that I saw today where Lisa Fabrica I don't know if you know who she is. No. She works with leaders and she's like a coach and stuff. She was talking about how she, with the help of her mentors and her support system, realized that she had been enduring. She had had to endure a lot when she was a child. And so for her in business, she thought she had to endure difficult clients, really hard situations. That her task when those things came up, was to endure them. And that was so fascinating for me because definitely for a lot of my life and in my business, really up until this year when we did that exercise where I decided I want to do business my own way, that's how I had been approaching it. Anytime I had a really difficult client, I thought, like, I'm supposed to be here for them and it's rare. I have had wonderful clients, most people I've really enjoyed working with. But there's been times where it's been really difficult. And I thought that my role was to endure that and be the consummate professional. And I just thought that was a really interesting insight into how we can get kind of, like, into those ruts of our business not being fun anymore. It's because we're like enduring situations that are toxic, don't feel good, upsetting, what have you. Yes. When you said the consummate professional, I was like, that's it, right? You're supposed to endure it. Somehow that makes you more credible or experienced. Because, like you said, most of the time, I think for a lot of us, especially those of us who have been in business for a while we're working with our ideal clients. We're attracting them. I always say our right clients find us. It just seems like kismet sometimes, and it's very rare, but it does happen. And when it comes in, especially when you know you can help them, right? Like, you're like, Well, I know exactly what needs to happen here. But there's this friction all the time. And there comes a point of like, yeah, is this necessary? Do I have to endure this? I love that. I love that perspective or awareness. It's the deeper stuff. It's all these deeper blocks. Right? Yeah. And they say that every business problem is a personal problem and we're choosing careers that actually help us grow, that help us do this deeper work. So it's really beautiful to be an entrepreneur because it's helping us as people, as humans in addition to our work in the world and the people that we impact. Absolutely. Although sometimes it's really exhausting. Didn't I say that to you, like, last week? Or maybe it was two weeks ago? I was like, okay, I've learned the lesson. All right? And then, like, two minutes later, I was like, well, actually, maybe I didn't learn the lesson because I keep doing this thing. Enough universe. I'm done with this shit. I just want to nap right now. I'm done. I don't know. I really love this. I love your framework and understanding those five keys because sometimes we talk about resiliency and it can feel very nebulous. And it's like, how do you put your finger on what's happening? But as you say them, I'm like, well, DA. Yes, of course. That makes so much sense. And these are, I think, really tangible ways for people to start looking at that looking at building that resilience in many different aspects and kind of those pieces. So thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Would it be okay if I summed up the five again? 1000%. Yes. So the five keys to resilience the first one is the meaning that we are giving the events of our life. The second key is foundational body care. The third key is creating a robust support network for ourselves. The fourth key is maintaining and really developing connection with our own authentic self. And the fifth key is having creative adaptability. So creative problem solving, being fLexible, and really looking for how can we make this situation great? I love it. I absolutely love it. And now I think people can understand why I do enjoy spending so much time with you. That's so great. Well, if people want to find out more about the work that you do because you do a lot of amazing things in the world, where is the best place for them to go? People can come to my website@Lexisullios.com, and as you know, I'm in the middle of a 365 Day Real challenge on Instagram, so you can come on over to Instagram. And I'm currently on day 19 of 365. So depending when you hear this episode, then you probably will have a little bit of time left to watch my reels come up brand new and talk about resiliency, because you and I talked about how we really struggle with video. So I was so surprised when you're like, oh, no, I'm going to do this 365 real thing. I'm like, oh, my gosh, that sounds terrifying. But it's really impressive to do 19 days in a row. It's super impressive. I love it. And I love your videos because you do share a lot of thought, leadership, a lot of kind of what you talked about today where insight into the deeper parts of our entrepreneurial journey. Wonderful. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. Amber, such an honor. I respect and love you so much and just really appreciate you sharing community and welcoming me. Well, I mean, there's a reason why I said I need you to be like, my opening person for every cohort, because you do have that really calming way of helping people set their intention in a different kind of energy than I think we're often used to getting in business. So thank you. Yeah.