15 ways to let go of the sh*t that is dragging you down

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Business owners are increasingly being pulled in so many directions

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feeling like they aren't reaching their full potential in business and life despite their

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type a ways. With my background as a therapist entrepreneur

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and as a.com dropout with ADHD,

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I interview and coach high achieving business owners like you

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who want to stop struggling for success by using psychological systems,

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strategies and the occasional carefrontation.

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This is the easily distracted entrepreneur,

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your place to slay overwhelm perfectionism and

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shiny object syndrome so that you can get done what matters most to you.

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Happy 2023 y'all. I don't know

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about you, but I'm feeling really good about this upcoming year.

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Don't get me wrong, my sarcastic side still wants to jump in

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and say to say such a statement is naively optimistic,

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especially given the last three years. But sarcasm aside,

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I truly am excited. And it's not just wishful

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optimism. I have some solid reasons,

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but before I get into them, I want to invite you to two

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free events happening in January. The first is a training

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that is happening on January 13, this upcoming Friday

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to help you get shit done by addressing your

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work structures, mindset and managing your energy.

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The second is a free all day coworking session on January

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27 to give you some accountability and community in

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getting that work done. To register for the training and

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get on the list for the co working day, head on over to amberholley.com

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GSd. Okay,

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so 2022 was kind of rough for me.

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I decided to close my group practice at the start of

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the year, which was my biggest income generator at the

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time. I still had to pay rent though through September because

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of my lease, so letting that income go but not the expenses

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added some financial stress. In September,

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I spent the month in California closing my brick and mortar office,

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and I was surprised at how emotional that process was because

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I thought I had already let that go. I will share more

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about all of that in a different episode.

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Ultimately, though, I let it go because it was something that was

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taking up my energy and attention. And to be honest,

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I had wanted to let it go since 2019, but it

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was my biggest income source and I'm the primary breadwinner for

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my family. So it was a scary decision, but it was keeping

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me from fully investing my energy into this business.

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I also had transitions in my relationships and

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really questioned what was working in my life and what wasn't

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and what could I do to build the life that I wanted going

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forward. I had to admit to myself how

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I was getting in my own way of achieving my bigger dreams and

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what I would need to do to change to get there.

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And although reevaluating is a good thing, it's an

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emotional thing to ask yourself hard questions and

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get real about your shit.

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I added debt in 2022. I mourned

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losses of relationships, my identity as a group

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practice owner, and what that meant to me, and challenged

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aspects of how I behaved, thought about,

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and approached my business. I felt more stress

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and anxiety and cried more than maybe

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ever in my life. Change is hard.

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Growth is hard. Life is hard.

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Fuck business. Ownership is hard.

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The last four months, especially, were filled with some of my highest

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highs and lowest lows I have experienced in a long time.

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I often felt that I was on the precipice of

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something great while simultaneously feeling

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a little stuck in down. So even though I had some fantastic

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experiences from September to December, I was grieving

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things, processing things, and questioning almost everything.

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And I know that I wasn't alone in that. I also

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knew I wasn't going to bring that energy into 2023.

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Some of the wonderful things that happened in 2022 were

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that I built some really positive habits around

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my health in particular, which positively impacted

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my mindset, my sense of self worth and self esteem.

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And bonus, I did that all with a total sense of

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ease. So yay. That in

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all my introspection and reassessing, I realized there

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were some needs I had turned off in myself because I

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either felt like I didn't deserve them or to make others feel more comfortable,

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or that I didn't know how to meet them with all that was going

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on. It was a process of self

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rediscovery and self acceptance, and that alone felt

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life changing. I met new people in the last

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year and built some deep, supportive relationships, the kind

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where I feel like I could rely on them and talk to them about

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anything and still feel accepted. Those relationships

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are so important to me, and I find it hard to imagine a time where

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they weren't in my life. I also deepened

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relationships with existing friends and family,

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set healthy detachment with some others, and let go of others

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altogether. I also refined how I worked with people

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to give them a better experience and outcomes,

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which I know you know how affirming it is to have clients have breakthroughs

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and really love the work you are doing together. So that

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was one of my highs for 2022.

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Maybe you two are feeling some of the struggles I talked about.

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I'm hearing from friends and clients about the impact of

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health challenges, relationship struggles, financial uncertainty,

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and more that are taking center stage in their lives.

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And although I know of many success stories in 2022,

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those challenges, for many meant it was hard to show up,

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be consistent, or implement anything.

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Many didn't have the energy to grow their businesses and instead

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focused on balance and stabilization in their work and life,

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and some were just in survival mode. Some people pulled

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back in their businesses and sought outside work to create more

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stability and safety nets, and some people closed their

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businesses entirely. My hope is

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that if any of this is your story, that you have given yourself

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so much love and support and realize none of those things are

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a failure or bad or your fault,

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being flexible and adjusting accordingly is actually a

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healthy thing to do. Despite all this, I entered

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2023 feeling a big shift in my energy and mindset,

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so I wanted to share some things that helped me in my own process of

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shifting my energy and letting go. That might be helpful for

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you if you are in need of a shift, too. I identified

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15 things and not all happened at once,

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but here they are. Number one,

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taking care of myself became the priority.

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It was my big rock, you know, in that analogy of the

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bucket with the big rocks and then the little rocks. And sometimes

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that self care rock was the only thing that fit in the bucket.

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It was, you know, prioritizing self

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care, and it was the proverbial oxygen mask,

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if you will. The second thing I did was this

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summer I finally started taking my wellbutrin prescription

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that I asked my doctor for in 2021, but kept forgetting to start.

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I do love the irony of that.

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I had asked for it to help with my ADHD symptoms,

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but I found that once I started taking it

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regularly, it was additionally helpful to help even out

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those lows a bit. Another thing I did that was helpful

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was I refused to go down the rabbit hole of what other

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people were thinking about me. This one takes some

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self talk, perspective keeping, and there

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are many techniques to work on this and it can be really hard,

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especially if you're a sensitive person or if

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RSD is a thing for you at all, or if you are a people pleaser.

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But I will say I got better at doing this and it saved me so

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much suffering. The number

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four is I leaned on

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people more. I have these amazing

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people in my life, in my inner circle, in my network,

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and sometimes we can have all these people around us and still never lean

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on them. And that feels really lonely and it can

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make us feel like we don't have a support system at

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all when we actually do. So reaching out

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and leaning on people more was hugely

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helpful for me. Number five,

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I sought out a therapist. Being a therapist,

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I obviously believe in therapy, and sometimes we need

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someone outside of our life who is truly neutral and has

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the expertise to support you in whatever

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you're healing or changing or needing to address.

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Number six. I intentionally had more fun.

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I did things that I love doing. I did them more often and

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I made it happen. I didn't just think about it.

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Number seven. I tried new things and took

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risks. I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone.

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Being willing to look silly or stupid or whatever it

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is that you're telling yourself can be vulnerable, but it's also

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where the magic is. Number eight.

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I had a lot of alone time. I said

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no more to my kids, my husband, my friends, my clients.

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And I worked on setting those boundaries and not feeling bad about it.

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Number nine. I practice more compassion and forgiveness,

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both for others and for myself.

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Number ten. I addressed the stress that was

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in my life. I had to go back to basics, which if

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you are dealing with money, stress or being chronically over committed,

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it can be hard to change those things up. If you

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have been in go go go mode or are living a certain

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lifestyle, it can be really hard to pull back.

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But it also allows you to get really creative and

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it can be very freeing ultimately,

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eventually to simplify things.

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Number eleven. In all of the challenges I was facing,

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another thing that really helped me was to notice the gift

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in it all. That didn't always happen right away.

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Sometimes you have to give yourself time to process,

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but finding the peace of whatever you are going through,

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the struggle, the transition, whatever,

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being able to see what the gift could be for you,

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whether that is learning, solidifying learning,

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or realizing it actually opened you

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up to other wonderful things,

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that was one that being able to find the gift

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and let go of any like guilt or shame

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or anger,

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that was hugely helpful for me in moving on.

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Number twelve. As I said previously,

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I set more boundaries and I protected my mindset. I was

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really diligent about what information, news, opinions I

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took in. And I surrounded myself with like minded people

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who were working on the same things and that we're willing to

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have deep, hard conversations. Number 13.

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I addressed things on the physical,

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emotional, spiritual, intellectual and energetic

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level. I feel that was hugely helpful in the grieving

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process and working through all of the challenges that I was having last

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year. Number 14.

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I understood that healing is not a destination.

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And although it depends on what you are struggling with,

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at a certain point I set an intention to release that energy

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that wasn't serving me anymore. I allowed

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myself time to go through the process.

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There were points where I would say, okay, I'm done and I

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need to move on. And then my head and my heart was like, nope,

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you're not done yet. You still have some shit to go through or work

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through to be on the other side

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of this. So it didn't always happen perfectly.

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I'd say it was a mix of setting intentions and trusting the

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process. But by coming back to am I

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ready to release this? Am I ready to move on without judgment

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was hugely helpful.

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Number 15. When I recognized a

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need, I addressed it. If I couldn't address

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it right away, I acknowledged it and I set a plan to address it later.

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So those are the things that I did that helped me work through a

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really challenging year and to feel

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hopeful and optimistic about this next one.

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And not in any kind of bullshit way either.

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If you know me, you know that's not my style. I hope

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something resonated with you. If you were needing it,

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if you were needing to let go of something or make some

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shifts, remember that it's all baby steps.

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That list didn't happen all at once. It kind of built on each other.

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And taking baby steps is what leads to big changes.

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So commit to one thing to start the process of letting

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go and shifting your energy. So to

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recap, my list of things that you can do are.

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Number one, make self care a priority.

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Number two, if you need it, take your medications.

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Number three, stop giving energy to other people's

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opinions. Never waste your time trying to explain who

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you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

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Number four, lean on people more.

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Be vulnerable. Ask for help. Surround yourself

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with like minded people who are actively working on the

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same things, not just complaining about it. Number five,

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seek out professional support, like a therapist

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or a coach or a program or a group. Number six,

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have more fun more often.

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That's my life philosophy. Number seven,

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try new things, take risks, and be willing to

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look silly and go outside your comfort zone.

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Number eight, unapologetically give yourself more

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alone time. Say no more. Number nine,

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practice more compassion and forgiveness, both for others and yourself.

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Number ten, address your stress.

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Get back to basics and get creative.

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Simplify. Number eleven,

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find the gift in the challenges you are facing when

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you are ready. Number twelve, set boundaries

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and protect your mindset. Be mindful of what information,

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news and opinions you take in. Number 13,

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address things on a physical,

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emotional, intellectual, spiritual and energetic

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level. 14,

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understand that healing is not a destination. Set intentions,

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but give yourself time to go through the process and to

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not be perfect at letting go. Some hurts will

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always have a residue. Number 15

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when you recognize a need you have personally or

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professionally address it or make a plan to

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address it. There will always be setbacks and

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challenges and learning moments of course but

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here is to setting ourselves up for success and releasing the

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resistance, fear and grief of 2022

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and the prior years. And lastly here

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is to cultivating the support systems,

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mindset, compassion and habits that we need to make

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achieving our goals and increasing our income and impact with

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more ease and consistency. To quote one of my

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favorite lines from the series Sex and the City,

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maybe you have to let go of who you were to become

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who you will be. So I want you to remember that when

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you are holding on to all the things, struggling with all the changes

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and feeling like what the actual fuck?

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Don't forget to sign up for the two free events happening

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in January the getting shit done workshop end the all

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day co working session by heading on over to amberholley.com

17:49.260 --> 17:52.948
gsD. Here is to a magnificent

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2023.